Thoughts on a cloud

Just a random collection of life stories, including many bizarre things that happen to me

The Kink CV?

1 year ago. February 1, 2023 at 10:11 PM

So picture this,

You want to find a new job, maybe you're looking for a pay rise or a new location of course you have to send off a CV and cite references of employment so you can be vetted against job experience.

Now let me ask this, bouncing around the varied world of kink I've often seen people say that they want a potential partner to cite references, especially to Doms, they want to assess the previous subs for whether said Dom is as good as their word and, while I've never seen a Dom request references from a sub, it would allow for the Dom to see if there is anything he/she should be wary about in their new sub.

On the surface this absolutely makes sense and one should always, ALWAYS, thoroughly vet their partners long before the handcuffs make an appearance. actually make the effort to ... y'know, date them for a bit (the three month thing is actually a thing guys seriously).

But here's the thing, many of us don't keep in touch with our exes fewer still would be happy handing out contact details for such a reference.

Anyways it just made me think of the personals section on here and how the cage could start making us attach full on kink CVs to the ads for review :D.

Question is what would be on yours???

SirsBabyDoll(sub female){Pizza+☕} - An upstanding submissive may say something like, "I'm sorry but because of my own feelings in the situation, I can't provide an unbiased vett and that wouldn't be fair."

1 year ago

Heero(dom male) - @SirsBabyDoll, I agree with you. But even this, I see very few subs being upstanding in this way. I can also imagine a sub, being a generally upstanding person, who simply would not want any part of this.

1 year ago

SirsBabyDoll(sub female){Pizza+☕} - Maybe it's just me because those are pretty much the words I said to a sub who came asking me. I did give her advice on what works with him. They are still together a year later. *Shrugs*

1 year ago

Heero(dom male) - This is an intriguing and interesting idea. But vetting/selecting a partner for a dynamic is, in some very significant ways, very different from vetting/selecting an employee for a job. At first thought, I can't see a way to make this practical for this purpose. And outside of people who are poly with a strong sense of compersion towards current and past partners, I can't imagine this not backfiring for a large number of people. But maybe there is a tweak to this idea that could work.

1 year ago

I'mME - There are plenty of Doms who have subs that would vet for them. That's why IT IS a thing.
There are also people who have play partners who would vet.

I am not advocating for or against.

But it is a definite thing.

I would caution in another similar area. Some people will mention a well known person whether it is in the area, or someone that speaks, does classes , as knowing them. That does not mean that they do know them, so maybe a 1u3seion or two .

Let me put the ham on the table.

People lie , they lie about their age, they lie about being married, they lie about their weight, they lie about being happy, they lie about lying.

The key to not bring caught up in someone's lies (role is not important) is to be MINDFUL. Listen carefully, compare actions to words, and do not be afraid to clarify.

1 year ago

Heero(dom male) - The thing being discussed here is a "kink CV". I know vetting is a thing, and there are cases where subs would give references. But this being done like a job interview where resumes are submitted and references to contact are listed is not a common thing as far as I know. And yes, regardless of references, one needs to do their own due diligence and pay attention to red flags. And just because all previous subs like some Dom, doesn't mean he will necessarily be right for you. All this is aside from the topic at hand though, which is the concept of a kink CV.

1 year ago

I'mME - Vetting-
the process of investigating someone thoroughly, especially in order to ensure that they are suitable for a job requiring secrecy, loyalty, or trustworthiness:

1 year ago

I'mME - Compersion towards past and present partners. I do not think this is a accurate representation of poly......

1 year ago

Heero(dom male) - I never said it was. I am also not really defining anything. I was merely stating an example of the kind of person who would possibly be ok with the idea. Just to give an idea of how rare such a person is.

1 year ago

Sunshinegirl(sub female) - I played with a Dom from this site a few years back who willingly gave me references, and they all checked out. However, he was very serious about his craft and involved in the BDSM community so it might be easier for him to get references vs someone who’s not involved in the community.
I think this is a case-by-case situation. I’d ask depending on the situation and Dom.
Also, yea, you don’t really see d’s asking s for references at the same rate that s ask for d’s references because…the Dom isn’t the one handcuffed, blindfolded, and at the mercy of someone else.

1 year ago

I'mME - Lol, exactly. But I wouldn't be handcuffed or tied until later down the road. Feel me?

1 year ago

Moonlighter(dom male) - Also sunshine brings up a point, I don't think Doms/Dommes often ask for references ... should they? We can all agree that you NEED to know who you are playing with.

1 year ago

Heero(dom male) - If this is a thing, I would think it would be less necessary for Doms/Dommes to do it. For one, they are the ones more in power and would not necessarily base their training on that of previous Doms/Dommes, so they have other ways of vetting that a sub might not have access to. It is also quite common for Doms/Dommes to take on new subs who would not have such references (I would guess this is less common the other way around--an experienced sub looking for a newbie Dom/Domme). But yes, both sides should know enough about their partner.

1 year ago

I'mME - Whom would be a submissives reference if they were new, married/widowed?

1 year ago

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Moonlighter​(dom male)

Thoughts on a cloud

The Kink CV?

Moonlighter(dom male)