Today I woke up in gratitude for my husband/Dom Eros. Why? He is everything I need/want in a Dom with none of the toxic, fake, intsa-dom traits. In some ways, I am too smart for my own good. In others, I am thick as a brick.
I have a rich and diverse trauma history that is exquisitely interwoven with my masochistic and sub tendencies. I also work professionally and need to be assertive and pleasantly, patiently persistent, sometimes with well-educated, otherwise intelligent egotists and misogynists. They are out there and drawn to positions of power (and me, it feels like on some days). In lifestyle, I'm a switch, with some tendencies toward Domming anyone who will let me.
I test. I know how to instigate reactions, throw curveballs, pout, challenge authority, and brat, amongst many other things. After a lot of inner spiritual work and therapy, I have managed to heal somewhat from cPTSD from more than one severe stressor/life-threatening or ending event. I try to be extremely self-disclosing and open about where I'm at and where I'm coming from at any given time. I own my own stuff.
That being said, I'm not the easiest to be in a relationship with or Dom. I have *mostly* healed anxious and avoidant attachment issues. I have a fear of commitment, a fear of true intimacy, a fear of losing control, and a fear of abandonment. I do those things now, BUT: I test. I challenge.
One of my kinks is being with someone who doesn't submit or overreact. I need a very secure, very masculine, very self-aware Dom who has all the strength and poise and none of the toxicity. Nobody is perfect, but Eros is pretty bomb-proof. There's nothing sexier *to me* than popping off like a Roman candle in every direction and color and being wrapped in bemusement and love and well-deserved playtime afterward.
I guard my independence and survival skills like the lifelines they have been all of my life, but the ability to surrender them and be vulnerable in safety, security, steady love, and structure is the epitome of a D/s 24/7 relationship. We put our relationship and each others' well-being and personal growth first. We talk extensively and often. We work hard and play harder.
To all the great D's out there who give the Four Pillar Lifestyle a good name and love the risks and rewards of a driven and challenging partner: Thank you. You make the world a better place.
💕Hekate
