Rolled for seduction, Now what?

The Past... Ok time still has no meaning in this black hole of a year. But since last, we chatted things have been changing in our relationship and dynamic in positive ways. The first and probably the cinch pin for all these changes is that I've finally found a medication that treats my ADHD effectively and doesn't make me feel awful. I still feel like me but  I'm able to focus and work. I've also learned and began to understand it better. Don't worry this isn't a whole post about kink and ADHD though that is something interesting and ADHD has impacted me in greater ways than I thought, especially when it came to kink and sex in general.

But that did set me up to be more successful at being a Dom and meeting my kitten's needs. You see the 2020 quarantine funk-made kitten and I realize our dynamic wasn't working how we wanted it to. Sure it was fun for what it was... but you know I like raspberry sorbet well enough but lemon that's my shit right there. and so we talked and were honest with each other. I was being too soft for either of us. And with the help of the new meds, I was able to step up and begin working on being the Dom she needs and the Dom I want to be. It feels like the victory music played and I got a little more HP and some new proficiencies. 

I'm more sure of myself and confident around a paddle and much more comfortable using my kitten's punishments when in the rare case they are needed. To put it into terms I'm a bit more familiar with. We left our awkward kinky back story and began as level one adventurers. Sure I'm a little more chaotic evil than I thought I was... but hey she's into it. I'm learning the aspects of being a Dom that I enjoy that drives me and what her needs as a sub are and what draws her towards the lifestyle. It's also integrating more and more into our daily lives as well.

We'll probably never be 24/7 kinksters but the more tame parts of our dynamic that are central to our relationship are getting to breathe more. I guess if I had one complaint our newfound exploration of our kinks and needs has set aside some of the more technical aspects. Mostly ropes. I guess she hasn't been feeling very knotty lately. (Pun intended.) But I also think putting our rope practice and the more complicated toys on hold to discover what our dynamic has evolved into will make things more interesting and fun when we get back to it. I've also got schemes for that. Hopefully, I'll get to show them off soon.  

I guess my point is that While I am still very much a novice Dom, I feel as if I'm making progress to being a better kinkster and that our BDSM side has matured from the awkward fumbling and early play to something, well a little less awkward and full of much more potential. Sure I'm still the slightly confused guy. But I'm beginning to know where to look for answers both on who I am as a Dom and what is needed of me to be that Dom. And hopefully, by the end of January, we'll have some new fun ropes to play with. After all, I am hoping to prestige into rigger and kitten is well on her way into subclassing as a rope bunny. 

So I don't know about you guys but my big want for the past few years that I have not been able to get is the Nintendo switch. I love the classic Nintendo games but I haven't been able to justify a whole new game console. Why am I telling you this? well because It's a play on the word Switch and kinda ties into the bigger idea for today's blog. Much like the Nintendo switch I haven't been able to justify letting my inner switch out. I'm really good at internal pressure and have my go-to tracks such as, "you already have a game console and you play with friends." "You've been meaning to try this hobby and that also costs money. and "you're trying to learn how to be a decent dom..." well you get the idea. And while the ones about the game console may be right the one about kink, well not so much. Because though its few and far between sometimes I enjoy being a sub and every once in a blue moon kitten likes to Dom. And You know a recent session had to remind me how much fun it is to mix it up and how it makes me a better Dom. It shook things up and helped me see things from the other side. which is always fun and gave me a bit of a break from the pressures of being a Dom during a scene. So unlike the Nintendo Switch you can always justify a kinky Switch. 

So after my last post life got crazy.  Ended up finding a new place to live had internet knocked out for a week then began the moving process and had no internet for another two weeks. On top of that I got a new job! But in all the chaos of life I've had time to reflect. And have seen some videos on Sex and ADHD. And while none of them connect to kink specifically they do highlight challenges I've had in kink. Right now I am not taking meds as my last one worked 9/10 but on that 10th time I was completely useless. But I began to realize that some of my road blocks in scenes or kink planning come from my ADHD. Now I'm. Not here to make excuses. My adhd is a challenge but it is my job to manage it. But it made me realize that there are so many things people may have in the way even for somthing as enjoyable as kink and to may be be more patient when i start to be a bit judgy or short tempered especially with myself because we all have our own road blocks and as long as its safe sane and consensual there's no problem.  

So I feel like I've been a bit negative when blogging (and in general) so I thought I'd talk about something more positive. So let's talk about the Cons of kink! and though an important attribute I don't mean constitution. But conventions. There's been one in Denver Co called Thunder in the Rockies I've wanted to get to for a few years. Unfournetly for financial reasons and time we have not been able to go to many con's whether they be kinky, nerdy or a mix of the two. But we're starting to move into the part of our lives were when COVID clears up we can. And that brightens my day a bit. We've always wanted to go to thunder in the Rockies and its funny in this time where we can't really do much realizing were one step closer to the kinky cons. And hopefully there we will be able to see the pros of kink. The folks who found a way to make a living off of it or just dedicated a lot of time to the lifestyle. Maybe meet some like-minded folks and learn some new ties for kitten. Anyway it's a short blurb but I thought a little fun to consider and think about while stuck at home. 

So normally when I disappear for a bit it's because I get distracted or I'm just bad at maintaining a web presence. I once had someone hack my twitter and post Ray-ban ads for a week before I noticed. This time though I haven't been forgetting I've been actively choosing not to blog or participate. It all started because I finally got my procedure! (the snip) which I was pretty pumped about but it put me out for a little bit and then one thing after another we just weren't focussing on our kink life or much of anything. I slowly let things build up and stopped most of my hobbies. Now at this point, I want to point out this is not meant to be a pity party. We're all going through shit right now but I feel as if I learned something the past few months especially as life kept piling on and things are starting to improve. Kink like many hobbies and positives in life is not just a thing we do for fun or to connect but in a sense is a practice. I'll be the first to say when it comes to Kink I am very much a novice just blundering through the world. And the point of practice is to improve. And I don't know when it started but I stopped looking at it as something to improve at and allowed my self to stagnate. And you know That's kinda the thing right now. We're all expending so much energy trying to cope with the weird world we currently live in and it's important at least for me to attend to these practices to keep myself healthy. And Kink for me is an important part of my relationship and in its own way a part of my identity. So I'm going to try and nurture it a bit more and practice. So I'm giving myself a challenge to practice my knots and ties for 7 days. My kitten is a very eager assistant and I'm excited to start pushing my limits again and being more intentional about kink. And hopefully blogging more as well. 

so I've been stepping back from a lot of things I enjoy, (to many to count) and that's a blog post for later... but more importantly!  I've been away from my kitten for a week. Well, more accurately she's been away from me.  But she returns tonight and with her, a return from my self imposed unwanted kink hiatus! And I've laid out a little treat for her return,  a nice meal for energy and then well you see. Now I'm realizing though we may need more gear. We have talked about a leg spreader... Let me know if there's anything ya'll think we need.  Anyway, just a quick blurb to break my silence. I hope everyone is having fun and staying safe.

So I've always had one problem with my kitten... Is that she was hard to discipline. Not that she didn't want it or shied away from it but anything I could think of she enjoyed too much. Being a brat? I'll try spanking! didn't work... impact play has been her favorite from the getgo. We've tried assigning tasks temperature play until it got uncomfortable. But the problem was everything that made these work as a punishment she would enjoy too much and it would feed into it. Now don't get me wrong even while being punished I want her to enjoy herself but part of her enjoyment of being a sub is the punishment aspect of things and It was a place where I was failing. Sure she'd be a bit of a brat looking for a spanking but sometime she will outright just not do what was requested and whats a dom to do? well, I finally got it. It was so obvious. Denial, denial of the spankings and the temperature play etc. When I told her this she told me that I was mean and how dare I use her fetishes against her. Then laughed and told me that she guessed that was the point and it was a hot idea. And it couldn't have come at a better time. She's growing more into her bratty self and has been testing the limits and I have been loving it though unable to meet some of her needs until now. We both discussed it and have found this to be what we were looking for and I'm ecstatic. I love my brat and strive to make my kitten happy and meet her needs and part of that is being able to find discipline that is fair and fits within the dynamic that is fair and meets the needs of everyone.

So I had an interesting conversation with a work friend the past few days and It made me laugh because we both had similar interest but it seemed that we both just kinda assumed the other was vanilla. Now I don't hide that I'm into kink but I also don't go waving it around. Usually, people find out when a particular book comes into the conversation and I state I'm just not a fan because I think it does more harm than good for its depiction of BDSM. Usually followed by a story of how the one time I had a chance to see the movie, I was dealing with a very co-dependent dog who did not like change and was not a fan of having a dog sitter. But that's off-topic. And most people are chill when they find out. If not a little surprised. Part of it may be that I'm actually pretty quiet about a large part of my life. But it does always make me laugh when people are like yeah I'm kinky, and recommend some things that I was doing for years. And you know after that fact is established I usually learn some cool things. My buddy recommended some light bondage as a potential thing to try and when I mentioned we were a little past "light" bondage he laughed and sent me a link to a pretty cool set up of straps and cuffs he was looking at. And it's always funny because I have in the past suggested spicing things up with "light" bondage and found people way more experienced than me.  You just never know who around you is into the same weird thing you are and how everyone seems to tiptoe around it until you find out the other person is cool with it. And then it's like you have a new best friend. 

So i will say I have my subs permission to share this story. The last blog I mentioned spies and that was a transition into today's blog. You see my wife and I enjoy a good lol fashion nerf war. In high school, all our friends and us would go to target on a Friday night pickup nerf guns with the spending money we got and then go to the nearest park and have a nerf war until curfew. We had so many we nicknamed it the arsenal. And every so often you can still find us shooting foam darts at each other. So when I came home from my first year in college it was no surprise when one of the first things we did when we got some time just the two of us (we were and LDR) started blasting away with nerf guns. And it went from a nerf battle to a fairly complicated role play about spies. Kinda a spy vs spy thing. and it was fun it was goofy. We came up with silly names and ran around trying to capture each other. It was really goofy, fun and then led to what now I can recognize as fully form kinks but at the time we were still in the very early stages of developing our kinky identity. But there were a lot of elements of Primal play and to a small extent bondage. Looking back all the signs were there for the two of us but we just did not know enough about it yet. looking back now with a few years under my belt I still laugh and think fondly of our "spy games." especially after researching what being a primal hunter meant. the writing may be on the wall but it can be in a different language from time to time. 

So this week we were a little, tied up. (ok obvious pun but still.)So our adventures and misadventures of rope play (and wax play) but it's going well. Got a harness done (second try) and wax play ended up well. It was fun and we're getting to explore our primary interest when we first started kink. But the first harness needed a break and it was a lesson for me to relearn. especially with something that can be as dangerous as ropes its sometimes best to walk away until you're in a better headspace. And you know, I need to be humbled sometimes. We ended having a good evening just watching community and cuddling. And the next night, well I got the harness down. As well as finally got the wax going and having fun with that. So as every good D&D player knows, Sometimes a crit fail can lead to better adventures than a  crit success. Now to further adventures and Spies.