Rolled for seduction, Now what?

Spoiler alert I really enjoy DnD and MTG and pretty much any type of tabletop game. And you know the past year we've got created how we play picked up a few more TTRPGs. Ended up with Vampire the Masquerade v5 which is awesome and FATE which may come in handy for the Kink-themed ttrpg I wanted to put together. I've been playing online with friends and reading sourcebooks. (working my way through Tasha's now.) But I realized that while I miss playing with people in person. I especially miss playing with kinky folk or just socializing with them in general. Not even at play parties or munches but in general. Kinky people are just more fun to hang out with. Outside of the jokes and the common interest, you can always share tips or raunchy stories. In my experience its just more comfortable to be around mostly because again you don't have to filter in order to be "polite." Apparently not everyone likes bondage jokes. And unlike a scene most of the time you don't have a captive audience. So I look forward to when we move to get involved in a new Kink community. Not just because we're ready to get more involved in the community again but because making friends as an adult is hard. But the kink community seems to work around that and on the plus side the ven diagram for kinky people and people who play dnd is almost a circle it seems like so not only new kinky friends but a new in-person TTRPG group. So let's roll up characters, roll for initiative and get to role-playing. 

So we're moving and hoping to upgrade from our kinda crummy apartment to renting a townhome or something with at least more storage and in-unit laundry. That being said I began wondering about what things we should look for when it comes to our extracurricular activities. We can't obviously make huge changes if we're renting. But how does one bring up load-bearing beams that could support the weight of a person to the person showing the house? we're not quite to suspension yet and probably won't be for a while but still goals for the future. And what else should one consider for a place where you can't have a full dungeon in yet but still want to make it homey? obviously goblins and traps but what else should we look for or ask to bring a bit of kink to our happy home? Also while we're at it how is the best way to get involved with the local kink community and how does one find the best local game store. I'm looking forward to a new adventure though we'll probably start by upgrading our collection of rope. Can never have too much rope. 

So I'm willing to bet it's the pandemic and my own baggage but I feel a bit isolated from the community. To be fair I often have not quite known how or where to jump in. And when We move and get to a better place both geographically and in life for us I plan to fix that. (plague pending of course.) But It got me thinking. I can pin where my own hang-ups have slowed my kink/BDSM progress. But I also see conversations or articles or even memes making fun of people trying to practice kink. And I'm not talking about your average kinksters in the community but the younger folks or inexperienced folks who take their girlfriend to the mall and walk them on a leash. And I'll fess up I judge and will laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. But at the same time a lot of these folks see or experience the kink community and decide it looks fun without taking time to understand it fully. 

I want to pause here before I go on and clarify. I do understand that some of those folks are minors and I am NOT in any way advocating for minors to be brought in and shown the ropes as it were. They have their own shit to deal with and I've known one too many folks like that who were preyed upon under the guise of mentorship. I'm not sure how that should be handled but it should not be the way I'm talking about here. Let someone wiser deal with helping them out. 

But there's also a lot of adults out there. And Often it is younger folks who get the idea from media or exploring on their own and decided to give it a try without realizing that those in the mall/library/public space also would have to consent. And there in my experience doesn't seem to be a lot of an attempt to educate them. It seems like, and I may be projecting here, we're quick to judge and shame them. But I think sometimes just being like hey. That's not really a great image for BDSM and would you like to be involved in the community? I mean sure some of them are probably just assholes but I'd be willing to be a good number are really just alright folks who don't know any better. And the best way to combat that is with education and a community willing to help. I mean luke would still be a whiny little punk on Tatooine without Obi-wan and Where would Nightwing/Tim/Damion be without the guidance of batman? at least two would-be serial killers. 

And I'm not necessarily saying do this on an individual basis. Although if you do that would be awesome. One of my dearest friends still talks to their particular obi-wan despite living half a country away. But more as a community. I know we do conventions. One of the things I really want to do when I head back home is going to Thunder in the Mountains. But outside of that and the munches back in undergrad I didn't really know how to connect with folks and to be honest I still really don't. Again that's my baggage and my hesitancy around social media. So I fully admit maybe there is something I'm missing here. I've made some mistakes on my inroads into the community and even some of my earlier blog posts I question. But I think the community is great and has a lot to offer folks in a safe way. It may just need to be made a little more accessible sometimes. And I need to be able to offer a little more grace to folks and give a little more benefit of the doubt. 

I got an email saying I haven't been active for three months!  I could of sworn I just posted last week.  Fun fact about ADHD. I have no preception about time.  And sometimes forget people's existence... but we don't need to talk about that.  Plus side is I'll start up a conversation from a year ago like it was yesterday. Because for me it might as well be.   So no more awkward haven't seen you in forever things.  But I am still alive!  Still kinky and so is kitten! So hope ya'll are well and surviving... crap it's almost May not the beginning of March.  I guess surviving April it is. I hope ya'll are surviving April.  Good luck and may all your rolls be critical. 

So we've been trying to plan some fun scenes and other ways to increase our kink in the day to day. Get things planned out, all the gear needed the space set up... and somthing goes wrong. An unexpected chore or errand, work schedules change so we don't have the next day to recoup from a particularly intense scene.  Or you know some one catches the plague and is quarentined on an air mattress in the office playing command and conquer and reading comics. You know normal stuff that messes up all the best plans. Sometimes it just seems like the great dm in the sky is throwing one encounter after another at you.  But now that I'm bounced back were going to give it another go and hopefully this time get some better rolls or you know if some one can toss some bardic inspiration our way it would be appreciated.  

I struggle with vulnerability. To the point it has slowed my dreams. But I'm working on it.  And I am constantly blown away with the amount of trust in BDSM. Now I know I'm preaching to the choir here.  But just reflecting on everything I'm just amazed. To be a good dom I need to be open and vulnerable with my sub and trust that they won't use that to hurt me. And a good sub is the definition of strong in their vulnerability. And my kitten exemplifies this in a lot of ways. You also though have to trust that sharing this "weird" thing your into won't be met with hostility or ridicule. (Though honestly what's normal for the spider is chaos to the fly, so what is weird really. ) but also that your sub is going to be honest with you about there needs and limits. It takes a lot to say, "hey, I want to be spanked/choked/tied/etc" and a lot to say you want to do those things. There's a special kind of vulnerability for a healthy dynamic. But also to participate in the community. People put themselves out there whether it be digital, at a munch or another event and trust that they'll be more or less accepted. And for the most part they are as long as it's safe , sane and consensual. Sure there's always going to be those assholes or folks who don't want to delve and explore what a dynamic really means but most folks are trying to learn and putting themselves out there.  Being vulnerable. And I think active practice of kink has leaked out into my daily life in more ways than I thought.  (Later I may post about the spanking story) but out side of dirty jokes and interest. I find it easier to be a little more vulnerable in my day to day life and let folks in.  It's just somthing I think is pretty neat. To bad it took me awhile to get a decent insight roll to figure out. 

I'm going to warn ya'll right away this is more of a ramble than anything else but maybe a bit fun

"The Dude abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners."  

I love the Big Lebowski. It is my all-time favorite movie. And though I can't enjoy it with a White Russian or an oat soda it's still got a special place in my heart. Now I know what you're thinking "whelp he's lost it this has nothing to do with kink." and your right at least currently. But today I thought we might take a long meandering road with a little CCR to get there. The Big Lebowski started a religion. it's known as Dudeism. and though I would love to write you all paper on it that's not why I'm here. So I'll let them tell you about it. "The idea is this: Life is short and complicated and nobody knows what to do about it. So don’t do anything about it. Just take it easy, man. Stop worrying so much whether you’ll make it into the finals. Kick back with some friends and some oat soda and whether you roll strikes or gutters, do your best to be true to yourself and others – that is to say, abide." Now that's it. There is no God, (unless you into that sort of thing.) and there is no Dogma, (though that's another great movie.) It's simply live your life how you want to and don't take it too seriously. They use the movie as a base but they also pull from Taoism, Buddhism, Sufism, and Christianity. and anyone can get ordained as a Dudedist priest. 

Now I'm not looking to proselytize or look for new converts but I was doing reflection in relation to this and while I'm not an ordained Dudeist priest for my own reasons. I can't deny that I am fundamentally a Dudeist or that I want to be. and this week. well, I was bombarded by Walters. and you know how I abided? came home had dinner with my kitten, participated in or planned kinky activities, and "said fuck it, man, let's go kink" Now I wasn't always as Dudely as I would make it seem. But I had a rough week and my response was kink and watching my favorite movie tonight. I know kitten is reading this so... there may have been a splash of Xmas cheer brought by her, in there as well. But that made me think. 

There's this idea I've only recently been able to shed about doing kink "right." and while there is most certainly a way to do kink wrong, there is no real one way to do kink right. And I find by not letting the pressure I put on myself seep in or the way other kinksters do things or how the not so kinky might view my relationship bother me, I enjoy it more. I can be a better Dom. I can simply Abide.   And I think there's power in slowing down, not taking yourself so seriously, and enjoying kink simply because you enjoy Kink.  

This may be a little out there even for a guy who regularly writes about the wrong kind of dungeon on here but hey, well, you know, that's just like, uh, my opinion, man. I hope ya'll are having a great weekend and abiding in you're own way. 

Relevant Links for those curious:

Dudeism

https://dudeism.com/whatisdudeism/

Trailer

In most RPG some characters are proficient in different types of armor. The rogue is not going to tromping along in full plate and your Paladin is not going to be wearing cloth armor most likely. And If they do well they may not be performing up to snuff. And Well life is a lot like that. And kinky life is. I've tried to make my style the classic, dress clothes with the rolled sleeves and the vest. I mean hey I'm attracted to dudes like that and I know kitten is and it helps put her in the right headspace. Which is great... Except it doesn't put me in the headspace. Even in kink dress clothes make me feel uncomfortable and inauthentic.

Well, we had a scene Last night. It was planned, but Instead of dressing how I envisioned the part, I dressed in what made me comfortable and what I felt I looked good in. A pair of basketball shorts a workout tank and my favorite beanie to hold my long hair out of my face instead of a hair tie. Clothes I feel good in on the regular and feel like I look attractive and authentic in. It's not my "common clothes" as the PHB would call it. I only wear them when I'm doing something physical or just around the house. But their association with working out really boosts my confidence and helps me get in the mindset. And Kitten finds it hot and it puts her in the proper headspace. I realized I was wearing armor I wasn't proficient in. Sure The armor looks cool and it serves its purpose but I wasn't performing up to snuff. Now that I found the right armor I'm good to go. Sure It may not be unconventional. But It serves the purpose and helps me get into my headspace. Sure I'll never be the dashing rogue or the silver-tongued bard but hey every party needs a barbarian right?

I love music. I mean most people do. But I love how music sets the mood. I fancy myself a writer at times and have a playlist for every major project. I have a playlist for almost every mood and usually have some sort of music on in the background if there is nothing else going on. I mean an epic boss battle where everything relies on this one roll is one thing, but an epic boss battle where everything relies on this one roll with music that drives home the point without distracting is an entirely different ball game. 

I don't have though music for scenes and kink. I know the one dungeon, the most important dungeon doesn't have an epic playlist to go with it? The horror, the scandal! but to be honest "all the sexy playlist to me feel so forced and a little cheesy. They just don't mesh with our vibe. And if it's meant to be a scene or practice such as practicing ties and isn't the whole shebang it's awkward. I've thought about making one but I'm just not sure what exact vibe I need. Now I may be a little overly picky but the point is to fill the overly silent spaces (and possibly cover up some louder moments) with distracting or taking away from the scene. Like an epic film score, it should add to it. What would star wars be without John Williams or The Crow be without its soundtrack? (the best blending of non-original music and film in my opinion.)

Sure not every scene will be a masterpiece or a cult classic but you never know. Some of the best games of D&D started out as a joke and turned into an epic campaign with beloved characters and friends who end up in each other's weddings. SO why not treat even a simple scene or practice or prep with a little more devotion? Worst case scenario you end up listening to some amazing tunes and having a good time. 

I don't know how to tell you all this... but I'm a huge nerd. I know I know shocking but here we are. And as a huge nerd, I like comics. Now I actually prefer the pulp fiction swords and sorcery esq comics, You should see my Conan the barbarian collection. Let's just say I know what is best in life. But I also really dig superheroes. Huge fan of spiderman, and the red hood, and I just really appreciate the flash.

CAUTION SPOILERS AHEAD:

And for some reason, the scene from that movie Kickass comes to mind. The one where the main villain makes a costume from his mom's bondage gear. super awkward but super funny. It got me thinking though what is seen as normal verse kinky in those worlds? I mean batman dresses in black leather and has all kinds of fun toys, Catwoman wheres a literal leather catsuit and carries a whip. Wonderwoman and the lasso of truth. And black widow would fit more in a professional dungeon than some of the Avengers movies. So it's got to be a bit different right? or is it comical? I'm not sure but it led to a thought about the best superheroes/powers for kink. And unfortenetly I had to think about it so now you do too. Mind you this is more about how the powers itself lends to a scene not so much which character would be the most fun to do this with. 

1. Spider mans web-shooters(OG comics)
   1. Now I got to start here because I like a rope. Super strong ropes that can be safely strung up at will and dissolve in a few hours. and is safe on the skin. Well, I assume so at least. Feels like it would be more fun than finding the right beam to put the hooks and such in
2. Iceman /human torches powers:
   1. Now, this is for the sensation play folks just cool things down at will.  No messy ice melting always the shape you want etc. just seems like a good fit for this kink. and on the flip side controlling the heat to just right. Less risk of fire if you physically control it. 
3. The flash
   1. Can make make any part of your body vibrate at will. Again sensation play, denial, forced orgasm, etc
4. Green Lantern
   1. the ability to make any implement solid toy you want at will, Need a paddle you got it, flogger or dildo boom right there. 
5. Duplication (couldn't think of the name of the guy with this but he's in the last X-Men movie as well as other places)
   1. if you're into play with lots of other folks but uncomfortable or just need a guy to hold the rope/camera/candles but don't have an extra hand this is where you want to be. 

Now for the worst (in no particular order)

1. Batman
   1. Now I'm sure there are those who disagree. But as cool as he is he has no superpowers. We are more or less capable of having a plan for every kinky thing coming up and a utility belt. honestly, he's on this because you just know some one's thinking it
   2. Superman/superstrength. 
      1. So there are levels to this one and it has its perks. But all it takes is someone with superstrength to get a little carried away and then there are problems, big problems. And the other powers just don't seem practical
   3. Cyclops
      1. he loses the sunglasses things go south quick
   4. Klause/seance
      1. Dead people watching even for an expansionist is a bit too far in my opinion 
   5. Colussus 
      1. I love Deadpool too. And I'm an even bigger fan of the x-men. And burly large dudes are my thing. But made of metal just seems like your asking for unpleasantness. 

So there you are my list of superpowers that would make kink more and less fun. Feel free to add suggestions!