Adventures through the dark side.

I'mME - You are not bitter or jaded. The psych folks are still out on this subject. I am leaning towards your running on cheaters just tell because they got caught and/or it assuages their guilt.
As far as not wanting to know, bc of the depths that submission can go, I would be mad as fuck If found out that my partner had been out cheating and I'm serving as if they are being true to a foundational building block of D/s.
I have known others that shared your thinking but vanilla marriages.

DarknessShines​(sub female) - I just went through this with my last Dom... I wish I hadn't found out. Well I wish he hadn't done it in the first place. For your reason exactly. Hurt so much more than any vanilla. Didn't help that he was my first Dom.

I was extremally mad at first, I confronted him, of course he lied, which made it worse. I asked to be released before he could finish lying to me.

But once I calmed down I was devastated and I regretted my decision to bring it up, and to ask to be released. but I know it never would have been the same.

Thank you for leaving a comment! I love hearing from other subs. ❤️

Cozubia​(dom male){She’s Mine} - It’s an interesting theory that ignorance is bliss, and in some cases it is true. But in this type of scenario, it’s difficult to quantify like that because cheating comes in many forms. So I think it comes down to the situation. It’s wrong in every context, but some things seem worse than others. Lying and sneaking around behind your partners back on multiple occasions and with multiple people is unforgivable and if someone comes clean about it, your post is accurate and spot on. But if your partner gets drunk and sleeps with someone else, it can be different. Yes, it’s still wrong. There is no excuse for cheating in any capacity. But if they come clean and tell you about it, it may not be to assuage their guilt, but instead, coming clean and telling you is their way of trying to make things right. Because lying and denying it and trying to cover it up is only going to be worse when the truth finally does come out. Sometimes good people mess up and make terrible mistakes. Them taking accountability for their actions is the right thing, because the coverup can be worse than the crime itself. Unfortunately, I have cheated and been cheated on. Both suck tremendously. But all of the lies after the fact are what really made things hurt for both parties. That one mistake is easier to take than that same mistake and the countless lies that follow. But that’s just my two cents, and who knows, maybe I’m wrong. That does happen quite a lot lol

MoodyBlue​(sub female) - Just yesterday I was contacted by my (now ex) Doms wife. If that wasn't a blow to the head! I would rather have found out on my own, and had time to process that info. Some parts of me are very much pissed off and extremely disappointed. Other parts of me are freaking out because he's no longer there for me, and as said , self doubt has set in. I am glad I found out however, I'd rather it been in a different way. I think not knowing is like living a fantasy, for me at least. The cornerstone of a D/s isn't there when you're lied to. Just my opinion.

I'mME - Self doubt with whom?

DarknessShines​(sub female) - I do agree, somewhat, with what both of you are saying. Maybe what I said is coming from a place of hurt, and I will change my mind down the road. Maybe I'm turning the 'wish it hadn't happened" into "I wish I didn't know..". which is, in a way, the same thing.

I can't imagine finding out from my Doms wife that he has a wife. I am sorry that he put you through that.

I completely understand how you feel about not having him there anymore. I am going through that myself. I miss him being a part of my day. He was such a big focus of my life, there is a major hole there now. There's been multiple times that I have gone to call and tell him something only to be kicked in the gut all over again realizing he is not there to reach out to any longer.

As far as good people making bad decisions, yes, they do. But like I said, once trust is broken with me there is no coming back. I will never fully be able to trust that person again. I will always be suspicious of what they say and/or do. But that's just me.

I'm am a forgiving person that does not hold grudges per say. I understand that people are not perfect and are bound to mess up here and there. But lying and cheating are two things I just cannot forget.

I feel if they did cheat, there is an underlying issue there for that person to be able to do that. I've been a cheater as well. But when I am content and happy with my lover, drunk or not, it would make me sick to the stomach just thinking of cheating. I also get that everyone is different and doesn't think like me. But I expect my partner to be on par with that aspect. Or at the very least understand that it is unacceptable to me and that they will lose me if they step out and I find out.

I do appreciate both point of views though. Perhaps down the line I will agree. The trust is a D/s runs so much deeper than what I have experienced in the past. I fear I am forever changed, for the worse, by this. And I resent him for that as well.

Thanks again for the comments guys. I'm glad you shared your point of views. Talking this out with you two does help me sort things out in my head.

Belladonna Dreams​(sub female){Phage'Hada} - I would rather know the truth.