Katastrophe incarnate

Darlings! I am shocked and amazed, truly you have to believe me! I thought for certain I was unflappable these days! 

And yet…..

Well buckle in darlings, we’re going on a journey together now. 

I finished my morning routine and stopped at the gas station for a coffee, which was a waste of time as I didn’t even manage to get to the machine. I was wearing a pair of joggers and a Poison crop top with a cardigan and scarf and hat because it’s misty and cold in the mornings now. This comes back. 

   This was before I’d had coffee, tea, anything caffeinated at all! I hadn’t bother with a bra? How dare I! 

   That seems to be what this couple seems to have been thinking. 7:45 in the morning and Ward and June had the “I’m heading to church” look in this area. Suit and tie on him, dress and heels for her. Hair styled, they even had hats! Which I can respect, truly. 

This attitude they had, killed that. 

They attempted to shame me, in that sheltered way that assumed I give two fucks or shared an iota of their beliefs. 

I laughed when Ward wannabe asked me if I had any self respect. Faux June tried to tell me I’d never find a respectable husband, which cracked me up further. 

I pulled off my hat and scarf, un styled my hair is wild and without the scarf pulled up my lip ring was visible. Cue the pearl clutching!

“I’ll let my husband know when I get home, he’ll be glad he won’t be replaced with anyone so dull!” 

I left shortly after, before they could reattach their jaws. 

I’m flattered they thought I was a student, I haven’t looked that young in a long time! 

I’m feeling more like myself today, so a little spooky self care felt like the way to go. 

A set of witchy talons and a makeup look inspired by some of my favorite spooky director’s work, yeah I’m feeling back to myself. 

Now to go out and see what manner of mischief I can find. We all know I’ll turn heads lol. 

Perhaps I’ll relay some of my mischief when I get home? 

Given the caring response to my previous post, I’d like to thank everyone who read and offered supportive advice. Some of which I feel the need to further explain my situation. 

    When I was a child it was determined I was born with a very specific kidney issue. In vaguest terms, the kidney and bladder were poorly connected and the situation became dire when I was between three and four years old. I went septic three times before the exact medical issue was diagnosed. Most of my fourth year on this earth was spent back and forth between doctors and the hospital. A surgery and looooooong recovery later and I was a normal child once more. Or so we thought. 

    When you’re a small child and already don’t communicate quite as effectively as your peers, one pain easily cancels out any other especially when your abdomen feels like it’s housing a spiky little dragon that occasionally shoots fire through your tummy. It’s been a while but I still remember the pains. But the smaller irritating pain of my ears? That I didn’t mention because it didn’t feel like it mattered compared to the pain in my abdomen. 

    I was having almost constant ear infections, which continued into my early teen years. But my baseline for pain was skewed, it wasn’t until they got bad enough to cause a near constant fever, a symptom my parents could notice easily, that it was really found out. 

Funnily enough, my hearing wasn’t badly effected quite yet but the scarring was significant enough to watch. It didn’t get better, and has continued to escalate in the last decade. I’m considered hard of hearing for the most part, my hearing is generally muffled more than just nonexistent. 

    So the real fun of it is hearing how much my hearing is deteriorating, every appointment for my ears the news is never good, unchanged is the best we can hope for but it feels like it’s worse now. I need to steel myself to handle that bad news again, it’s heartbreaking over and over. 

     I feel vibrations more keenly and read lips because as a kid when the damage started, that how I learned to communicate. My entire childhood I was constantly chided “inside voice” or “quiet voices please” when honestly I couldn’t gauge my volume. I honestly think I catch more than expected because of all this, and after years of fighting to figure out weird social things that were preprogrammed into my brain, I’m rather good at picking up on facial expressions and body language. It’s been urged I should learn some signs by my last doctor, though I’m only really able to curse effectively and finger spell for now. 

I don’t tell all this for sympathy, just to explain my situation and why I’m reluctant to see the doctors right now. I promise I’ll go, I just need to find my bravery. But thanks for the support, it means a lot. 

Darlings! I’m not incapacitated any longer! 

That dastardly migraine has at last relinquished it’s frightful hold and today I was feeling enough like myself to venture out into the world! 

Pity the after effects left me fighting both vertigo and the subsequent nausea that accompanied it. A ginger ale and quiet little sit down saved my outing, but I shall need to tread  with just a wee bit more care, shan’t I? 

The struggle continues now of course, when a migraine triggers tinnitus and vertigo in a way it hadn’t in five or more years, medical professionals need informing. For the first time in my life I’m praying to any deity listening, the universe, and all the collected ancestors it’s just an ear infection the hood doctors can give me an antibiotic for.

       The alternative is further damage to my hearing, and possibly requiring surgery or aids, which will be a nightmare scenario for me either way, given the sensory issues that come with my unique brain chemistry. I’ve used OTC aids off and on for the past couple years since the last doctors assessment. These and their crazy expensive counterparts irritate the daylights out of me and I can’t see it going any better now. 

    My partner encourages I just bite the bullet and see the doctor, but I’m sure some out there know the nerves I’ve got over all this. Right? 

Migraines suck

that is all 

Good evening Darlings! Today dragged me like a puppy with a new toy, and while you can all be assured I looked amazing during the event itself, you find a very tired and disgruntled Lady this evening. 

    I attended a wedding today, small affair really, and for that I don’t know if I should be grateful or hateful. 

   My aunt, who did not disclose her supposed kinks beforehand, married her longtime fiancé in a small ceremony with only a smattering of family. Her parents and his, his daughter her sister and niece. The reception had a few more people. 

Darlings, this sham of a reception had neither alcohol nor music! There was no dancing, nor any fun to be found. We were to eat, see them feed one another cake, and stare sickeningly into each others eyes. 

It was simply too much! I couldn’t even sneak in a small flask in my garter because my mother confiscated it before we left, worried I’d offend the groom’s parents! 

Well the joke was entirely on her, as at least 20 minutes of the reception were spent with the two commenting on my various visible tattoos! The half sleeve of a kraken breaking a ship in half was a very popular topic of discussion, let me tell you! 

So now what do you think I’m doing, now I’ve reached home? My heels and bra discarded, hair haphazardly tied up on top of my head? 
if you answered “making Margaritas while your partner runs out for tacos?” you’d be correct. Brilliant man took one look at my face and grabbed the keys and called my father to meet him in the car, good tacos are required. 

This night is looking up!

I’m alive and in one piece! 
While detail is not important here, suffice to say I’ve had too much day today. 
  I’m exhausted from boring activities, things I didn’t actually care about, and the most stimulation I got was a hot shower when I made it home midday to change clothes. 
  
    I cosplayed as a normal adult today, and while the mask was effective, the length of time I wore it has left me exhausted and irritated. My partner swears tomorrow will be better but I’m yet to see how. 

     For now, there’s chocolate truffles and a glass of sweet wine waiting for me. The Lady is taking her down time and will guard it militantly if required! 

To tease or not to tease? 

hmmmmmm

 I think we all know the answer.

Hello darlings! 

As a spooky goth Lady, I have some simple do’s and don’t’s for the spooky time fun that is Halloween! Over the years I’ve seen some very upsetting results when killer costumes become major headaches! Please accept this oh so humble advice, rather than suffering unduly through November! 

First, hair color! 
  If you wish to sport a fantastic new hue for the night I suggest the spray in colors, wigs, or hair chalks. Depending on the color of your natural hair these options can be vibrant and fun without the possible damage of bleaching and semi-demi permanent dyes. There are several zillion wig styling tutorials online now, so “I don’t know how” is less of an excuse than ever before. 
    Now as a person that regularly bleaches, dyes and cares for such hair year round it’s not a “one and done” situation. I use a harsh process for my hair, and spend weeks between coloring nursing it back to health. Unless you have the time, skills, and patience for this, or the disposable income to trust the process to a salon? Use one of the temporary solutions above. 

Next Makeup! 
  If you aren’t a “makeup person” pick your look with you costume, and practice it at least three times before the day of. I know that seems like a lot, but trust me, you need to know a) you can achieve the look, and b) no adverse effects await you. Applying adhesive the night of to find out your actually allergic, makes for a wretched evening.
     You may be able to find an alternative beforehand if you know in advance something won’t work, and that saves frustration when we should be enjoying ourselves. 
    

    Finally, Costumes! 
    Pick one and stick to it, with the options out there today there’s  ready made costumes in all shapes and sizes, but be realistic about what you’re willing to put the effort into. I’ve seen fantastic looks made on the tightest budgets and full screen accurate costumes flop for lack of effort on the wearer. If you want to put in effort, then do so, if you don’t that’s fine too. But don’t whine when your black catsuit didn’t turn you into Anne Hathaway or Michelle Pfiefer. And don’t think I’ve forgotten you boys out there, I don’t want to hear any complaints that your cape and hammer didn’t turn you into a Hemsworth! 

     Costumes should be fun, makeup and hair and all of that are for fun! So please put the amount of effort in you need to go enjoy the holiday, and see what mischief we can all get into! I hope to see all kinds of fun being had this year! 
   

I’m trying to keep calm, even though inside I’m flying apart. 

I’m trying to breathe, even though my lungs feel filled with gel and each inhale a Herculean effort. 

 I’m trying to be attentive, even though in my head I’ve left the room, the building, the town. 
 
I’m trying to remind myself this is temporary, even though I feel like I’ll never feel anything but this again. 

I’m trying to stay collected, even though I want to rip away these clothes like they’re made of fire ants and rough spun wool instead of soft cotton. 

I’m trying to smile and be “normal” even though my face aches at the motion and my eyes tell the truth of my feelings without permission. 

I’m trying to remember this will pass, even though it feels like it’s been hours instead of the minutes since the feeling started. 

I’m trying.