I have been guilty of wanting others to understand me.
My reasonings.
My motivations.
My intentions.
I have felt that if I am misunderstood somehow I am failing.
Imagine how challenging this must be. Always seeking to please the ears of others. Knowing that not everyone can possibly understand you.
This came into focus for me when I entered a space for a podcast I held. People from around the world with their differing dialects and their own life lenses that would make communication a massive challenge. Some (many?) ideas are just not adequately conveyed to another regardless of the amount of language and explanation we use.
The honesty is, for ME, this abundance of concern over being understood came from people pleasing. Deeper than that was the why did I want to please others in this way?
The answer is because I struggled to understand myself and so I looked for others to supply that security and reassurance for me.
I began to slowly learn that regardless of whether a person understands me or not will never negate my desire to be respected, or heard. Validated for who I am. Most importantly by my own self to the extent that another's misunderstanding of me means truly nothing.
This came through in a life lesson I got the opportunity to navigate.
As we all do, I have beliefs I hold dear and close. Beliefs I do not expect others to hold, but I do expect to be permitted to have for myself. But that was not always the case. There was a point in my life where I believed others MUST believe or see things as I do or they were just wrong. A dear friend of mine was patient enough to show me the only reason I needed others to see things as I did was because I feared the conflict. If someone believed differently than me there would be a war. We would be at odds. And the truth is, that's not the truth.
I learned that being able to see things uniquely as I see them and accepting another's uniqueness that was wholly different than my own was a sign of respect. A sign of emotional maturity and emotional intelligence.
So, while understanding is good and can be helpful. What we really want is to be respected. Or accepted if you like, in our own diversity.
You see I do not have to understand you, your point of view, your beliefs, your lens, your focus, your anything to extend respect to you as a person. In fact, I would go so far as to say sometimes the prerequisite of understanding puts a condition and burden on ourselves and others that simply challenges our ability to just extend grace to others.
I do not need to understand why some love how they do to respect that is how they do love and deserve to be allowed to love in their fashion without someone needing to 'understand' that love. My understanding means zero to them who just want to love how they do. Understanding is not necessary. Respect is.
While I desire to communicate succinctly so the majority can understand. I am under no illusion that all will understand. I am also quite aware that when I express each individual walks away with their own interpretation of what comes across to them in my expression. Furthering the gap in understanding. My desire today is simply to express. How that lands on another is how it does. And is necessary, however it lands. If it affects someone in a way by my expression then I take that to mean there is something they are getting to navigate. My expression is not about them. What comes up for them is what does and it's important they get the opportunity to navigate whatever it is that comes up for them. I get to respect that reality.
I encourage you, if others do not understand you, good. You are fulfilling a need that others cannot with your unique lens and expression. The world needs this desperately! Each of our voices has so much power and carries with it our own unique experiences and that is beautiful!!!
I hope you have a wonderful day.
Namaste
Drago and Amethyst
