The dominants arrived promptly at 8pm as requested.
The submissives and slaves had been rigorously trained. This gala was going to be resplendent!!! Mistress Chloe, master of training, was proud of her initiates. They had all done such a fantastic job assimilating so much information in such a short time.
Every initiate was assigned a dominant, those with their dominant firstly and then those without accordingly. 20 dominants, 20 initiates. The initiates had prepared their scantily clad outfits to match. If they were nervous none of them showed it. This was the first High Protocol Dinner in the area that any of them were aware of. They all, dominants alike, were so excited to enjoy a bit of formality and pomposity.
When the dominants walked in there was an air of quiet hush. Light music played somewhere off in the distance as food could be smelled preparing.
Mistress Chloe asked the dominants to please line up directly across from their initiate for the night. Whether their partner or their assigned service for the evening this was about custom, respect, admiration and surrender.
The night was magical. The table was exquisitely set. The 5 course meal was divine. Some initiates were bid to sit next to their charges, some were not given such permission and sat at their charges feet.
There was grace, elegance and beautiful service. I saw more than one dominant tear up at their charges service. Mistress Chloe ran a tight ship, very efficient. But she was also, so very merciful. More than one initiate fumbled the protocol for sitting, eating and cigar social. She encouraged the dominants to correct the initiates but also begged for mercy and patience. This wasn't about perfection, this was about a heart to serve and being given a platform to express that desire.
I have never been a part of something so moving. I bawled at times unabashedly. My initiate was someone I barely knew. He served with grace I have rarely witnessed. When the dominants relaxed at the end of the evening with their initiates at their feet, not one dominant could complain. They were witness to a beautiful desire from those initiates that loved to make others feel special and respected.
So many dynamics were deepened that evening. I heard of one relationship that was on their last breath because of petty differences. Life had thrown them so many curve balls and they were drowning. This evening had galvanized their dynamic. Reminded them of the value each of them had in the other. Life and it's bumps come and go, but the strength of their devotion to one another was just as visceral as it always had been, they had just lost sight of it for a moment.
When I see and hear of the rituals, protocols or etiquette of others I am always reminded of what sets our lifestyle apart from others. I remember that evening. The privilege I had to witness such an event.
BDSM, as a whole, is set apart by the protocols we choose for our relationships. When we choose to ignore such protocols we suffer. Protocols, rituals, etiquettes set us apart as passionate and kinky individuals. Whether that's kneeling, flogging, figging, CBT, titles, ALL are a ritualistic etiquette protocol that we choose to tap into our self. Whether dominant or submissive alike. One may not need kneeling while that same person may need to be urinated on to satisfy their submissive nature. None is wrong or right. How we express that nature, what distinguishes us from others is that it is 'different'. Unique. Kinky. Odd. Not natural. Foreign. And, Intentional.
Why?
That's like asking why a gay man likes to be gay. He just is. And just as the gay man, many are ostracized and ridiculed for their desire to stand apart differently from their everyday peers.
I love when Amethyst kneels before me. Her breathing changes. She instantly drops out of her hard exterior shell and is reminded of her center. What serves her. Conversely it reminds me similarly. It helps me to remember I am here to protect this fragile space of her heart. This space where she is allowed to just be herself, free from the judgment and ridicule of anyone else. It empowers me to lead her. Every single time she kneels I am reminded of my responsibility, and my deep privilege and honor to be allowed to witness a soul unfettered by her chains of 'I must be strong and handle it all'.
When I recall that evening of protocol, how passionately my initiate served, he had so much fervor and devotion. He just wanted to please. To be free from the constraints of everyday life and the weight placed on him in normal circumstances and just be the individual that made his heart soar. I will NEVER forget the look on his face when I looked him square in the eyes and thanked him for such beautiful and devoted service. He teared up, lowered his eyes and smiled a small smile as he said, "It is my honor to serve Sir."
Rituals, protocols, etiquettes are NOT about giving the dominant the ego stroke they desire. Oh, I know many play at that, I'm not totally naive. It is about each party tapping into their own intrinsic nature and being received, encouraged, supported, accepted as such. Trust is built. Friendships are formed. Passion is fostered. Connection is deepened.
Don't believe me?
Try it!
Find someone who will accept who you are. Truly accepts you. Meaning they're willing to receive you (and are capable) to accept what service you have to give as a submissive. Extend yourself in whatever way resonates with you and see if the relationship doesn't deepen. Guaranteed it will. Because you're being loved. Cared for. Treasured. Adored. Received. Accepted. All of which we desire immensely.
Many others don't do this. Often they have relationships that are on 'equal' footing with one another and so never quite tap into those pieces that move them. They never quite feel seen or heard. In fact they often time feel utterly alone.
Take the rituals, protocols and etiquettes out of BDSM and you are lost. You're not tapping into what deeply serves you. What moves you. What you're passionate about. And that is every bit what this lifestyle is about.
Think it's easy for a dominant to just sit back and receive? You haven't met an honest dominant then. Ego is not honesty. It's bravado and a mask. A way to hide how one feels. Find a dominant emotionally available and able to see the passion a submissive has to give for what it is........their most vulnerable self. Guaranteed it's a hell of a lot tougher than you think to simply receive someone's honest heart reflected in service towards you.
My initiate gave so effortlessly of himself. He hung on my every command and treated me with respect as if I was God. It was extremely humbling and made me very vulnerable. In no way did I want to turn away his heart of service. But it made me so damn uncomfortable. It made me see parts of myself I felt unworthy to be loved in. It showed me things about myself I truly didn't want to see. I have no doubt he saw my wrestle. He saw my awkwardness as he put the napkin in my lap. As he wiped my lips with that napkin later when grease from the duck had made me a mess. And he persisted. Because here's the secret about protocols, rituals and etiquettes they make BOTH parties vulnerable and cause them to step into their best self.
Again, think it's easy? I dare you to try it.
Let a submissive wipe your ass sometime. Tell me you don't see pieces of yourself that are incredibly uncomfortable and that you don't find unwillingness to be served. Most dominants will see a part of them they would rather not see, they don't feel worthy to be submitted to in such a fashion. They don't feel good enough.
See, it's all fun and games as long as the dominant can quantify and demand service in the way in which THEY want it. It's not so easy when it comes in the form of a method they feel uncomfortable in. This is often why dominants can't whip a submissive until they're black and blue when they need it. They lack the ability to see this is what their submissive needs and desires in order to feel like they are being themselves. This is how much the submissive desires to feel as if they have served. It isn't as black and white as the dominant gets to be called king bufoo lord of all dominants. It's about rich, deep, vulnerable connection.
BDSM, especially d/s and m/s, is all about the deep connection. Take away the protocols, rituals and etiquettes and you take away the opportunity to stretch into the best version of ourselves.
As said before, this is what separates us from the rest. The courage to step into those spaces that nurture our most vulnerable but honest selves. Because we're tired of living a passionless life.
I hope this writing finds you focused on your purpose today.
Namaste
Drago and Amethyst
