Emotional Domination

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} - And what if what he gives us is EXACTLY what we were afraid was going to happen?

Where is the line between red flags and our fears that need to be worked through?

DaddyDrago{LilAmethys} - See,
Red flags are OTHERS. Which is why it is SO violently valuable that you know where your boundaries are. What you need and want. To know yourself.
Because there will not be a doubt between what is others (red flags) and yours (fear).

Is it a red flag that I see the struggle Amethyst has over a given thing? When I push her and she pushes back.......I KNOW that is fear. She MAY see my pushing as a red flag, or crossing boundaries. For SURE it will FEEL that way when we press against fear!!!!!!! Guaranteed!!!!!!

That is why I say it is VITAL that a submissive (or dominant for that matter) has found their own will for surrender. That they have determined they will surrender for themselves! Because they NEED to. Because to do less would be to ignore themselves. Would be to turn their back on what they truly need that serves them.
Because with that surrender comes a fleshing out of what surrender is and is not supposed to look like for them.

The question of whether it is a fear or a red flag from another diminishes drastically.
And the question of which can be easily answered with a few probing follow up moments.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} - I've read this three times now and it still feels a bit over my head. It may be that it's an understanding that is beyond me for the moment, I don't know. I guess this one needs to simmer on the stove a bit.

You mentioned how it may feel like red flags or crossing boundaries. It reminds me of something you mentioned not long ago when you were serving your Master. You were on the cross, if I recall, and you were facing a moment when you could have safeworded but knew that you would have had to face the cross again ANYWAYS. (Correct me if I'm remembering things a bit wrong but that's how I remember it in my head). I find that moment DEEPLY concerning, causing a rush of questions and concerns, the magnitude of which leaves me in shock. To me, it's as if you really had no choice. That the safeword was only for show and that your boundaries were not respected. The only choice you were given was "now or later". What about physical limits? What about mental limits? What about trusting that your "no" would be respected? Sure, you could have agreed to an act but once it started, you could have discovered that it was something you COULDNT do. Something you had no idea if you could or could not without ever having made the attempt. What about those situations? At what point does following through with a consent turn into abuse? And in turn SELF abuse because you stayed in that situation out of a sense of obligation and integrity?

DaddyDrago{LilAmethys} - There is a vast difference with physical pain limits, emotional limits, mental limits.
Often, safe words or even the stop light system is used around the idea of how much physical can be navigated.
As a Sadist I personally have a very high tolerance for pain as well. So much so that I would say I can be quite masochistic. To the extent that Amethyst threatens to kick me in the balls and I am down!!!!!!
My limits physically are known. Most of the time they are well negotiated. And yes, a different moment in time our bodies may respond completely different.
The moment spoken of by me in the past was an emotional turmoil. The difference between knowing with my head what I would rather choose (safeword out of the uncomfortability!!) and what my heart knew was necessary for my growth.
Boundaries are not boundaries if they are walls. They are fears. Not honest. Now, of course they still should be negotiated and respected. What was not translated in the writing I did you mentioned is where my negotiations were. Where my honest boundaries were and where my fear existed.
The honesty is a LOT of fear masquerades as boundaries. You cannot have a boundary where you yourself are held prisoner.
Boundaries are about teaching others how to love you. No one should love anyone else's fear. It holds individuals captive. It makes them small and less than.
They are real. No doubt. And should be respected. Meaning no one deserves the right to disregard our fears. Or to minimize them. But they are the exact areas we NEED to be liberated from. A wise, and healthy dominant will know this. And push. Each one of us has a tolerance level or capacity to be pushed. I negotiated my level with my Master quite openly. He knew my fear. He knew I NEEDED to be free. And he pressed. I do not know where he would have eventually drawn the line and said I was not ready. That wasn't for me to know. Mine was to trust. Trust that he saw something I could not. Trust that he would guide me safely and not cause me more harm. Trust that he knew me enough to know what I could navigate and handle. Either I trusted that or there was no point to be there.
That is NO different in a dynamic. That's what it is all about. Oh, the trust is earned repeatedly, absolutely!!! But it MUST exist. Or there is no point in being there.

We may see that as a red flag because it serves our fear to see it thusly. I know on the cross for moments I did. But Master Jeff reminded me, "You said this was what you wanted right? You said you would follow through....will you now back out? Are you a liar?"
Those questions were not meant to be passive aggressive. They were honest. A check in.....where was I? Was I really going to back away knowing full well I needed this lesson. That without it I would stay captive to my fear and not grow.
Again, how we know ourselves here becomes paramount. Either we understand our own capacity for growth and our own willingness to surrender or we pretend we do and will always run into our own walls that we establish. In such case ad the latter, that's perfectly fine......but we are the reason we cannot go to a deeper level within our connections then. And that is ok if we choose so. No one is twisting our arms. But let's all be honest about our own capacity and ability.
Either we want to be free and grow in ever increasing inner peace or we are too scared to lean into doing so because of what our fear tells us we will lose along the way. Which, by the by, what we lose is NEVER who we were ever meant to be anyway. Fear creates a 'safe' bubble. Which promises to protect us from pain all the while we suffer.

The point of a D/s dynamic is the willing, consensual choice to suffer for what WE say we desire to. To find our peace. And discontinue the suffering at the hands of what others have created as a fear. Or we have created at the hands of others or situations of the past. To take accountability and change the narrative today.
It simply is up to us to KNOW how able, willing and consensual we wish to be. To enunciate that clearly and concisely. Because a dominant is going to push where you do not place a limit or boundary. And let's be honest, it is absolutely going to be in areas you will find uncomfortable and had no clue was something you needed.
If it is not uncomfortable it isn't growth. And it won't be healing either. The illusion that you or anyone is going to relish, enjoy, be pleasured in every moment is just a fantasy. There are moments to be sure. But the rich ones come on the other side of the uncomfortable.

Any dominant, in MY lens, that does not prepare for war and only wants the rainbows will NEVER be able to navigate a submissive and all of their ups and downs.

LilAmethyst​(sub female){DaddyDrago} - Sir, this is just ONE of then MANY reasons that I RESPECT & TRUST YOU!!! You understand what it takes to navigate thr darkness, TOGETHER. ❤️🔥 Thank you for being my leader, back home to my own heart!!!!!!

Little moon​(sub female){Not lookin} - I’ve been thinking on this today and my train of thought was something like this : when submitting fully I/we accept that whatever will be done is done not for me/us , not for enjoyment or comfort or any reason other than it’s requested by the dominant, and we trust that THEY will guide us safely through it regardless of how we respond/react or feel about it. You have to trust yourself enough to let go of your doubts and fears and believe that your judgement is sound , and by default the trust you place on the dominant is sound as well because they will carry you through the storm. If you have reservations and choose to withdraw consent or change directions you should be able to do so at any time yes, but if you trust fully and completely (which I assume would be the case in any scenario where it would be relevant here) then either way it will sort itself out and you can always try again if it doesn’t go so well the first time. The Dominant will learn how and where to push you as you grow together, and know how best to get you past the hurdle as needed. Hope that makes sense and helps a little maybe ?🤗

Little moon​(sub female){Not lookin} - It's like being on a cliff and deciding if you're ready to jump-you can second guess and doubt yourself, turn back and probably regret it, or you can take a deep breath and jump, see where it takes you. As scary as the fall is there's an ethereal beauty to the madness of falling, the closest to flying without wings🐾☺️. But you'll never know unless you try.

Alphasubforhim​(sub female) - What if you second guess things because you don’t feel he actually cares or listens?
Asking for something is one thing, demanding is another, and then gives up at the slightest push back.
The emotional roller coaster is this lifestyle is daunting at times. Give me ur feelings, now I’m done, wait I miss you and want this, just kidding…. Ugh!

DaddyDrago{LilAmethys} - Ms Alphasubforhim,
I hear your struggle. The frustration.
I think you answered your own question.......what if you second guess because you don't believe they are not listening or care? YOU don't believe they are listening or care. That's all you need. If you cannot believe them......then either it is a conversation to continue or it is an excepted reality.
Sometimes we hold onto what is there in the hopes that it will be more than what it honestly is.
But if YOU already answer for yourself that you cannot believe their intentions it is ok to say so. It is alright to admit to yourself that for whatever reason, this individual does not make you feel safe OR you are not in a space to feel safe with this individual. Either way. It is ok to be honest and take care of your submission.
There is NO crime in protecting your heart!! In fact, anyone who would discourage such a thing, in my lens, is dangerous.

LilAmethyst​(sub female){DaddyDrago} - 👆👆👆👆👆👆👆 1000% THIS

Alphasubforhim​(sub female) - Thank you so much, you make me feel less crazy about some of the signs I think I see, when in fact I do see them!