In thought today on past fails and a hurt that stood out that nearly broke my heart. I wrote a poem, let me know what you think. I lost someone I thought cared for me… he waited a several months online with me, we were talking a lot. Then one time in irl. He did what he needed to do and ghosted. Happens way too much especially in bdsm. These things effect how we see our future.
I was in a dark place then, and I was so unsure if I was going to make it out the other side.
I’m sharing because some of you may be in the same boat, and I want you to know that I made it to the other side of that horrible time and my color is no longer bleeding. You can do it too.
The sound of rain patters on the ledge occasionally catching my toes in its playful dance with the wind.
The wind gently pulls at the hem of my dress, and kisses my skin with chilly, but soft lips. I sit five stories up listening to the world with loneliness as my only friend.
I see dark blue grey skies contrasted by the countless lights of the city and its' people. Do they still believe in love and fate? Do they still believe there is goodness is this world?
The cars splash in puddles as they zoom on by, owners oblivious to everything, only worried of being late.
I wonder if they see the world in black and white, or in shades of color?
Color represents a life filled with love, curiosity, laughter, reflection, and the will to be brave and follow the decisions of the heart. The will not to settle and to always keep trying.
Striving to look at the glass as half full. Striving to show faith because God has a plan. Striving to live.
Black and white represents the rut of routine, which is not bad in itself, but when one decides they do not deserve better; vision darkens and color bleeds.
A life in which the heart is locked up; the courage to face the pain of rejection overwhelms the possibility of happiness and laughter; vision darkens and color bleeds.
Smothering negative emotions that leads to either a lack of feeling anything at all, or feeling the burn of every emotion magnified; vision darkens and color bleeds.
At this particular moment I'm fighting for the color I have obtained, but as time passes, I weaken; my vision darkens and the color bleeds.
I will continue to fight, but this is no easy task. It's a daily struggle to keep my vision from darkening. To keep seeing the glass as half full. To keep my heart beating.
I try to believe the world is in color. I just need to try harder. Right?
I try to believe love and happiness is a possibility for me. The right one is out there. Right?
I try to stay curious and brave. I will not build my towers any higher. I will not allow my soul to be dragged down to the pits of cynicism and negativity. Right?
I am trying, but my vision darkens and the color bleeds.