I wanted to celebrate my birthday at the end of the month with a kinky sex session, and I don't have a partner. I guess I will just watch TV after reading and having my sick wife tucked in for the night and be satisfied with that. Jim
PS Thinking about this is counterproductive, I know.
Hello, friends and acquaintances.
I have blogged directly and indirectly about the consequences of 24/7 caregiving for my wife with cognitive impairment (severe now) and lamented about things I missed and wrestled with the lack of intimacy for example. Yes, I still would enjoy a sexual relationship if I had a chance for it, and I even would explore my kinkier side along the way. Right now, I have realized what I miss the most though: Companionship with my wife and the ability to share many interests and activities. We were sexually compatible, living as Dom and sub (wife) for about forty years, but in many things, we were opposites.
She was not intellectually inclined, and I am: her IQ and mine were way out on opposite sides of the scale. We liked music, animals, long drives, the ocean, and some food. She was not creative but supported all my creative experiments and my quests for knowledge.
It is frustrating to have her in body and without much cognitive ability and no interest in sex. But I am getting used to it. I am learning not to dwell on the absence of having a sexual partner. I am no longer allowing myself to be the victim of scammers, and I am working to repair the financial damage they have inflicted on my finances.
Burying myself in cosmology as it is now (getting up to date) and watching some television programs, like British TV and old movies, gets me through each day. I also do a lot of cooking to improve our diets.
I pray for a miracle cure for my wife, though logically, that appears to be very unlikely.
Yes, friends and acquaintances, I am adapting to my current reality. I am virtually alone but not lonely. I seldom interact with very few people, and I find that that is OK. My wife is lost in her cognitive demise and unable to use words on any level (read, write, hear, or speak), yet I am able to have a semblance of communicative interaction with touch and body language. I am learning to be grateful for this. The early morning and late evening are my times for household functions, reading, and limited television. My wife seems to hold a grudge against my guitars and computer, so I take appropriate measures to protect them.
My return to Physics and keeping up-to-date on the latest developments by reading The Cosmic Code by Sophie Domingues-Montanari, PHD (C) 2024, and some programming available brings me joy. It is the closest thing to having fun for me in at least four years.
My mind is as alive as ever and I am about to arrive at seventy-seven years old at the end of the month. Something I am grateful for BTW. Jim
Folks in every generation start to believe there is nothing yet to discover. In the 1800s, this was so, and that pattern continues. However, things are yet to be learned about, discovered, and invented.
Quantum Gravity. The biggest unsolved problem in fundamental physics is how gravity and the quantum will be made to coexist within the same theory. ...
Particle Masses. ...
The “Measurement” Problem. ...
Turbulence. ...
Dark Energy. ...
Dark Matter. ...
Complexity. ...
The Matter-Antimatter.
Turbulence-tossing aircraft that injured people have been happening more often (it seems so, anyway). If someone could discover how to detect or predict this phenomenon, it would be an excellent service to aircraft travelers. Perhaps an algorithm for interpreting weather radar data that most planes gather and process. Yes, there are some logical predictions like storms, but the most daunting and dangerous turbulence is "clear air turbulence."
I have learned that in the world of kinky things, humans have become highly inventive, so I know that there are reasonable minds in the community that may be able to address this problem. Whoever solves this a $1,000,000.00 prize will be offered by (... a cash
prize of $1,000,000 from Clay Institute.)
*
Well, friends and acquaintances, another thing I realize is if I want to find peace and purpose in my life, it is time to go back to the very beginning of my way of thinking. Yes, life and all its diversions, snares, and seductions have led me so far astray that it is no wonder I wrestle with so many thoughts. Sciences were and are my latent love. I can think, imagine, and invent with my mind.
I am a physicist at heart, and I will begin by reviewing the latest discoveries and questions. The James Webb space telescope has funneled an immense amount of new data, prompted new challenges, and teased us with numerous possibilities. I shall begin with a review of cosmology and see where it leads me.
Since I no longer need to earn a living and I am beyond the time to start and raise a family, the only things I must master are caregiving for my wife with cognizant issues and keeping abreast of my healthcare.
I know this is not a forum for academic discourse, so that I will keep it at bay. However, I am fully aware that no one lives in a vacuum, so a few lines here and there may stimulate someone's interest.
Did I type vacuum? This house needs good vacuuming and dusting. LOL
Folks, in a number of my blog entries, you probably realized I had struggled with my wife's inability to be sexually active. At the same time, I was still interested and had a strong libido. The dealing between my antidepressants and Cialis was a learning experiment. My final decision is to stop worrying about sex and do away with the troubles caused by desire and personal conflict. I quit smoking and drinking alcoholic beverages, so I am confident I can re-invent my thinking to embrace a life without sex. Jim
Oh no! It turns out the AI Bot I took home was a Dom, and I am not a sub.
Yes, folks, we all imagine ourselves in roles and act to fulfill what we imagine ourselves to be. Take me, for example. I imagined I was an explorer, a geologist, or a scientist in my childhood. Then, as I grew older, I became a sports guy, then a black leather jacket guy, and then a sophisticated trench coat-wearing pipe-smoking guy. Soon I was a rally sports car driver. Artist and poet mixed in with my romantic tendencies. The musical upheaval with the beat generation, the folk music trend, and in almost tandem with the British invasion, beginning with the Beatles and other groups, I became a folkie and then a hippie.
I was free-wheeling without a father at home to guide and, if necessary, punish me. When I finally realized my intellectual potential, I was far behind academically, and it was a mad race to catch up. I had done well, but there were consequences for me as a late blooming intellectual.
Throughout life, I bounced through many permutations for which I imagined myself to be. This continues, I believe.
So, having lived through forty years of a conventional monogamous marriage, I did not need to visit my kinky side (liberal sexual side) until circumstances prompted me to do so. Here in The Cage and from other sources, I learned a great deal about Dominant and Submissive personalities and especially the fetishes and kinks that people practice. In retrospect, the Dom/Sub relationship of old-fashioned marriages has been a typical norm, and my situation was just exactly like that.
In all human social situations, there are spoken or unspoken protocols, and I now have those in my mind, and when my situation dictates it, I can live with them accordingly.
Well, all of you will have a host of different experiences and opinions about how we age and how it affects our sex life. To say the least, it is very complex.
There are differences in how men and women age and how that affects their outlook, health, and behavior.
On average, men and women have different perspectives on their health and how to take care of themselves.
Testosterone in men and estrogen in women have a significant effect on appearance, sexual aspects, and mental health.
In our youth, we get away with the facts of being young: looks, sex drive, and even personality. However, as the years roll on, differences may crop up that have significant effects on a relationship. My wife and I were very fortunate to remain compatible (at least until her cognitive decline). Suppose we honestly discover that the one we are with and ourselves have matured differently, and we can not stay together just because of emotion and tradition. In that case, we must seriously consider making a change. However, your situation requires it. My wife and I know how hard this is. She is my third wife, and I am her second husband, so call it divine intervention, fate, or blind luck. We formed a relationship that accommodated our changes, and we now have been married for 39 and one-half years by the end of the month.
So what can I conclude with here? If you are enjoying a good quality relationship at whatever age you are now, be grateful and try to work to make it absorb the changes that life will toss at you. If you need to find a new significant other that is compatible now, and hopefully, as time goes by, you will be up for a serious challenge and a daunting quest. All the best to you. Remember, it can be accomplished, but knowledge and experience are required for the best result.
Yes, all, the stove was the center of our home well into the 1950s. My grandmother made many foods from scratch, and the aromas permeated the house. I especially think fondly of being allowed to maintain the fire once I stopped playing with it and getting burned: I liked seeing the beads of water I dropped on top dance around until I decided that if a little was fun, why not try more? Arrrg! Steam burned me and taught me a lesson.
It also seems like winters were more "winter-like" so the warmth around it was so enjoyable. My mom's home was often filled with the thirteen siblings that were raised there. In order to make space, the kitchen was moved into the basement. My grandfather had a cot under the stairs. There were basement windows that allowed me to see the snow outside. After a day out in that snow, sleighing, hanging wet gloves and socks near the stove to dry was the thing to do.
I split kindling and placed wood and sometimes anthracite coal in the stove. Taking a nap in that warm kitchen on my grandfather's cot was so comfortable and relaxing. The slight smell of wood burning in the air added to the charm.
When the weather was too stormy or freezing, friends and cousins would hang out and play board or card games. Hot chocolate, hot tea, and popcorn were the omnipresent treats.
The last significant influence was the radio. I was lured into the mystique of the way it sounded, and I had a crystal radio under my pillow. In later years, I started my trek into radio technology with Amature Radio (Ham Radio), which led me to a career in science and technology. It was New Jersey, and points of interest were many concerning technological invention: from Thomas Edison, Marconi, Sarnoff, and RCA to Bell Labs, where solid-state devices were pioneered. Aha, but in summer? It was fishing, blueberry picking, crabbing, baseball, or Fossil hunting in the dormant clay pits.
