The Culture that has been here all the time

Hey, friends, I smoked for 25 years and stopped 25 years ago. Doctors told me my body was damaged and would never completely recover from smoking.

Friends,

There is no easy cure for loneliness when your social life is crippled. Negative experience breeds at least some misanthropy, and some misanthropy leads to isolation.  Online chats can not break isolation; the only safe solution is withdrawing into a shell. The shell is a comfort zone for me. I know I will probably remain in this state even when my wife passes. Perhaps until I reach my end. It is not hopeless because hopelessness implies there is some remnant of hope (less hope). I am now totally without hope.

I do not like to say I will never talk about anything good or bad, but I have no intention of looking for someone, family, or friends to trust truly. Trust is now past tense.  I once trusted too quickly. I used to trust, but now I can not allow myself that luxury.

Don't cry for me. I am in my comfort zone and glad that I am.

Basic info Friends,

An Overview (Quick Google Search)
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After orgasm, men and women experience different changes in libido and sexual arousal:
Men
Men typically experience a refractory period, which is a time when they are not sexually responsive and cannot reach orgasm again. This period can last from minutes to days and usually lengthens with age. Men's sexual arousal and desire also decrease more quickly and consistently than women's. Prolactin, a hormone linked to sleepiness and sexual satisfaction, may temporarily decrease men's desire for sex by repressing dopamine, a chemical that's important for motivation and desire.
Women
Women may experience a brief refractory period or none at all. Some women may be able to return to the orgasm phase and experience multiple orgasms with further sexual stimulation. Women's orgasmic pleasure is also linked to a decrease in genital temperature after orgasm, but they may maintain their sexual arousal and desire. Women also typically release more oxytocin than men during orgasm, which is a hormone that can help relieve pain and promote feelings of connection

I thought You Should Know.

Hello Friends,

People have told me about "Kinkatopia," but no one knows where it is. Is it in a mountain valley like Shangrela?

It took less-than-perfect circumstances to bring me to a nice area of Pennsylvania, and it is more affordable than New Jersey, my native State. However, in my current situation, I relied on the risky business of seeking friends online, and it wasn't always a good experience.

People tell me about wonderful open spaces and a better life with natural settings, which is my preference, but though affordable, my finances won't support another move. (Three moves in the last three years have drained my finances, along with dubious choices that I have made.)

Now I am confronted by my old dreams when my wife and I sought to buy a new home in Maine, North Carolina, and Montana.

I heard that somewhere in a valley within the Rocky Mountains is a place called "Kinkatopia." Many kinksters are there and have searched in vain for this place. They say it is a small city with high mountains all around, and the peculiar aspect is that it can not be seen by aircraft or satellites. Locks and money are never needed; everyone there is honest and perfect as friends. They say clothes are optional, and all the people's needs come from the proceeds of a mine where many precious stones can be harvested. 

The Moody Blues band recorded a song about this place:

Hello Friends,

I have lived long enough and have experienced so many challenges that on a sad day like today I repeat this as a mantra:

"This too shall pass" is a Persian adage that conveys the idea that life is impermanent and nothing lasts forever

Beginnings are so great, but many endings are not.

Friends, I want to take a moment to honor my High School friend who served in the Marine Core during Vietnam and died in 1968 during the Battle of Khe Sanh. Westly White was a great athlete and a great person who was selfless and died for all of us in the defense of our country and his comrades. Let us not forget why we have Memorial Day.

He's on the Wall and the NJ Memorial et al:

Friends, I now know who or what I am: I am strictly a caregiver for my wife. I am neither a Dom nor a Sub, just a blank* with my job to do as something almost like a male nurse. 

Fun and happiness are not in my vocabulary. I have no activities that give me respite. A little TV, a plant or two, some music, and a little time with my pets have value, but that is all.

Each day, I live in the past and see nothing in my future.

Acceptance has taken a long time, with harsh lessons learned along the way.

I will look into a form of senior housing on Tuesday where I can move with my wife on one floor and a minimum of house and yard work. During the VA Share Group meeting, I heard fellow caregivers refer to a VA option for housing (I'll see).

*

Hello Friends,

As I renew my dedication to caring for my wife, mostly alone, I have selected a project to keep me occupied and away from controversial situations: Write a book about a future milieu centered on high tech, including humanity's reliance on Artificial Intelligence (AI). I haven't given up on my new song project; it is just not easy to have a quiet situation for recording the new songs.

There is a YouTube video about the coming of AI Sexbots that is especially interesting and you may like to watch it.

Friends, our grandson Kieth is on his way to help me adjust to a new outlook. He will be here tomorrow, along with my brother JWH III.

I will no longer seek a helper for my caregiving of my wife. Jim

Since the trial run didn't work, I also am informing Berks County Agency on Aging since I will need their advice and help.

I have been warned every day since I became my wife's only caregiver to be careful that I do not trade my situation (the devil I know) for a situation that is a devil I do not know.

I am starting all over as the sole caregiver for my wife.