The Culture that has been here all the time

Hello Friends,

Wow, isn't this a great country? We have so many freedoms. In theory, we have freedom of speech, but I have discovered that most people want others to be like them, think like them, and speak like them. Even write only what they agree with. So, are we free to speak our minds and voice our opinions? Or must it pass the censorship panel first?

Well, I'll be damned! I have to conform to the nonconformist view or I am not going to be accepted.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm> Let me see.

Back in the 60's, the people I met people yelling prejudice and bigotry but what they really wanted was their versions agreed with, not a true objective view but a tained view by the rose-colored glasses they were wearing and handing out for free. 

Bobby Said it Best:  Bob Dylan All I Really Want to Do lyrics

"I don't want to fake you out
Take or shake or forsake you out
I ain't lookin' for you to feel like me
See like me or be like me
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you"

Hello Friends,

If you fall off a cliff or into a deep well, chances are there is nothing that you can do about it (it's too late). This analogy applies in many obvious situations; fortunately, this is not the only possible outcome for many other situations. 

When you discover a product you purchased is defective, return it, have it replaced, or at least have it repaired. If you enter into a business agreement that has been misrepresented, seek professional assistance to exit it with a minimum loss. Now, what about matters of the heart?

It would be much better to disengage from a significant other before it costs you so much material and emotional damage.  I had been married three times, and though, in retrospect, I can make sense of the first and understand what happened in the second case, we still experienced negative consequences. In my opinion, joining two humans on so intimate a level (official or within a "friendly agreement" ) is complicated to disengage without some negative emotional consequences. There are three standard options.

1) Official dissolving of a marriage (divorce)

2) Unofficial parting from each other

3) Modify the relationship so both parties are in agreement and satisfied with the outcome.

Since we do not have a clear sense of possible futures, we should be cautious before entering a serious relationship. Unfortunately, emotions can blind us as they often did with me: I was always unrealistically optimistic and made too many assumptions about how things could be worked out. The best thing would be to cover important issues, not assume, and try hard not to make decisions based on pure emotion (if possible).

When you find that you may have made too many assumptions after a while, go forward and try to make the relationship work from that point on.

Hello Friends,

Thanks for the comments on my last post. I have been candid to a fault, which has not worked well for me.  My new perspective is neither adventurous nor bold and not proactive.

I do want friends, and I do want like-minded friends within the BDSM social order. I am not going out of my way to precipitate this; my focus is on running my home and caring for my family. You may recall we came here invited, and did that not work out well. I now live with it. It has left me not knowing people where I live and with little opportunity to change that.

It is more akin to me being an alien whose UFO crash-landed and does not have much to go on about how to adapt. Yes, I have a place to live, food, and healthcare. My primary VA counselor reminds me that I am a social creature and need to relate to sentient beings like myself. The one window brought me to financial disaster because I was too trusting and too magnanimous: The Internet. I should have known better and should have responded to the "Red Flags" I encountered. I am over all that and adapted better to my current life. Our oldest grandson is making a difference.

Our oldest grandson, who is 30 years old, criticizes the family for their lack of positive action and has stepped in to fill big shoes to help me. He has enabled me to have appointments without added expenses, and in turn, I am helping him with his guitar lessons. I have also gifted him several guitars I will no longer require. 

Hello Friends,

I mentioned before that my wife was a sub, but I did not understand the concept until recently. According to one book I keep handy, she was a classic sub. She has fleeting moments of her old self on rare occasions, and I relish those few moments. This post is about how she and several other women addressed me.

The most common was for decades, "Daddy," but I have had women call me Boss or "You're in charge." Strange to me, as I recollect, this happened during closeness and allusions of intimacy, which were not necessarily at the level my wife expressed. I took them as simply addressing me with respect. 

I see now that each woman made this choice regarding how our relationship was or was to be defined or hoped to be defined. In cases when I interacted with women on a friendly level but the relationship was kept a little more distant, these terms were not used. During several incidents, I saw what may have been overtures at me, which I missed when a woman addressed me in a tone similar to my wife's and with a demeanor—resembling a flirt. I did not seek nor act on that because our marriage was monogamous, and neither one of us strayed; therefore, I did not pursue or encourage this. 

I am thinking out loud here because though I am new to BDSM M/S, I now think these events and situations can be seen in a new light and could have become overt if I had encouraged them.

Does, by definition, a "submissive" person wait for a "dominant" person to make a first move? Or can either a Dom or Sub initiate interest in someone.? Is there a protocol for this?

Hello Friends,

Back with a quick note or two. Our grandson has become a help. I have some new health challenges not fully understood yet. I feel ok and function ok but I inherited a condition that needs further medical investigation. It isn't major at this point my Mom lived to 92 with it.

Best to all of you all

Andron

Hello Friends,

I feel I must tell you about my BIG cat Sunny Day. That is the name the Animal Shelter had for him. He was four years old when we got him. We have had him for four years now. He has been the most loving cat we have ever had. Most nights, he sleeps on my wife's shoulders and becomes a living collar. When the "wee" hours of the morning arrive he tries to wake me and coax me into giving him and early breakfast. That happened several times until I finally decided it was time for me to get up.

He led the way down the stairs to the kitchen, purring and rubbing my leg. He makes sounds like no other cat we have had, and I think he is talking in some language. First, I check the water, then give him dry food. After he crunches for a bit he come back to speak to me. He jumps on my lap and kisses me like a dog if I sit at the table. He comes running if he is in another room, and I call him by name. 

His reward? A can of choice cat food sometimes I give him some of my sardines.

Hello Friends,

Some days I wake up, and it is quiet. Then I start to think too much. I realize the circumstances I am living within and wonder how I got here. I know once my day of caregiving begins I won't have the luxury to think about many things engage and do what needs to be done. It is during moments like these I miss having a close companion. It seems none of the various plans have solved my problem. I even wonder if there is an actual solution.

When my wife and I were married thirty-nine years ago, we were recovering from a divorce and were single parents, each with a daughter and a son. We proceeded to create a blended family, and when we had time for ourselves, some echoes of our past emerged more for me than she. My lingering emotional damage from my second wife was a source of trouble until several years passed. So today as my wife is afflicted with her brain disease robbing us of our relationship I have questions about my future.

Is it right to meet a new woman and ask her to be my companion as this slow mourning of my loss continues? Could she and I have a companionship at all? Is it just feeling lonely enough of a reason to seek a companion? I have no answers only questions and only the void I dwell within when quiet time greets me.

Hello Friends,

We are more Normal and Happier than mainstream couples seem to be. It is a set of Myths that distorts reality.

From: 5 BDSM Myths Your Average Health Professional Actually BELIEVES By Miya Yamanouchi — Written on Apr 18, 2017

1. People who are into BDSM are disturbed, mentally unstable, or have a personality disorder.

WRONG! Science says kinksters are in better psychological shape than the general population. Research indicates that BDSM is actually associated with BETTER mental health, with people into kinky sex having a more favorable psychological makeup than non-BDSM practitioners. 

2. BDSM is a destructive and unhealthy relationship dynamic based on abuse.

WRONG! BDSM is all about safety, sanity, and consent (aka the mantra for BDSM). The cycle of domestic violence is: Abuse — Guilt — Excuses — Honeymoon — Planning — Setup — Abuse. The cycle of BDSM is: Communication — Agreement — Scene-play — Aftercare — Debrief — Communication.

3. Anyone who wants to inflict/receive pain or be controlled/dominated must have come from a broken home.

WRONG! Research shows BDSM practitioners had just as good an upbringing as anyone else! Research consistently shows that BDSM isn't some pathological alarm bell sounding a past history of physical and or sexual abuse, but merely a sexual inclination to gravitate towards alternative and novelty sexual behaviors outside the norm.

4. People who are into weird sex are deeply miserable on the inside.

WRONG! Science tells us people into BDSM are actually happier. A 2015 study published in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality found that both dominant and submissive BDSM practitioners reported that their chosen forms of alternative sexual practices gave them: sexual arousal and pleasure, novelty, enjoyment, personal growth, psychological release, enhanced romantic relationships, and a feeling of being free from their everyday roles and being able to be themselves.

5. Adults who talk or act like a baby is imitating pedophilia and is of questionable mental capacity.

WRONG! Research indicates baby talk shows stronger intimate bonds in relationships and acting like a baby has nothing to do with pedophilia or an attraction to children. A report by Bombar and Littig published in 2005 found that couples who indulged in baby talking were more secure and less avoidant in their relationship as baby talking promotes emotional bonding as well as the expressing and nurturing of intimate and deep psychological bonds between lovers.

LINK:

Hello Friends,

All my genes totaled from four primary sources, placing my origin squarely in Eastern Central Europe. Why do I believe this is important? I reviewed the history of this region and discovered it is a history of War.¹   Wars and conflict leave physical and human destruction. Since I exist, it seems logical that my ancestors coped with this challenge and possibly thrived.

The war destroys your village, and many inhabitants are killed. The survivors look around and gather into groups. Probably reforming family units from the fragmented families shattered by the warring factions. These were the people who passed on their genes. After centuries of this, the people who exist today have benefited from Wiley, Survivable, and Adaptive characteristics.

So, I am subject to and have been subjected to many challenges my whole life. I know I will survive and adapt to whatever changes. have and will exert pressure on me.

¹

Hello Friends,

Recently, our oldest grandson returned from California and boasted about how he would help us. That offer faltered quickly and I do not hold that against him he has had a struggle to find his way in this world. 

He had a list of things he would help me with, but a job opportunity changed that. What he tried to do ist patch a rift between his uncle and I who has not visited his mom since 2022 and blasted me with profanity and a wish that I would die alone. He has made no attempt to reconcile that, and I have enough challenges already and do not want to rehash all that. 

In the country song (Collin Raye - Little Rock ), a sentiment is expressed when an alcoholic son-in-law abused a father's daughter:

" . . . . I don't know why I held it all inside
You must've thought I never even tried
You know your daddy told me when I left
Jesus would forgive, but a daddy don't forget . . . "

Yes I can forgive but the insults and profanity was uncalled for because some one assume I was rich and would share money with him instead of using it to care for my wife. So I can forgive but on the streets of NYC as a teen I learned not to give an offender another chance to abuse you.

Besides, the stepson has made no effort to correct this or visit his mom and I never would prevent him from visiting her.