The Culture that has been here all the time

Hello Friends,

Many of you know I am my wife's only caregiver. Her Alzheimer's/Dementia/Aphasia has been a relentless effort to deal with. I don't want to not care for her but I could use some help especially som time off to recharge after about three brutal years. I applied for financial assistance because we fall between government help and out-of-pocket care. I received word today that we were denied the extra help. So it is business as usual. the job goes on. Counseling, share groups anti-anxiety meds and antidepressants are what I depend on still.

Hello Friends,

You probably are saying, "We know all about kinks." This website has a lot to offer on understanding and using kinks safely. This is about my view and how I came to understand myself.

I have mentioned that my wife, who a brain disease has afflicted, was a sub and also introduced me to more about my kinky side hitherto not recognized by me. We have been married 39 years, and just before we got married (in between wife number two and my current wife), I had a wild girlfriend who was herself kinky, and she told me I was kinky. What did that mean?

A kink is an act performed in conjunction with or before a sexual act that enhances the sex act itself.

My girlfriend told me that my giving her oral sex was the trigger that excited me, and it must have excited her, too. I also explored her body, looking for areas that aroused her. She liked dressing in sexy lingerie with snaps that kept a flap closed over her nipples and her crotch. She would call me with the words, "Are you busy?" A clear signal she was horney. On a ride, I would pull over to look at the autumn leaves in full color. We immediately began to play with our genitals, ignoring other cars as they passed. Even in a park with people walking around seemed to excite her. I suppose because I went along with this behavior, we were being kinky. Well, we broke up for unrelated reasons. I now know my first two marriages were tame, except for the spontaneity of having sex on many occasions, nothing like that.

I met my current wife, a devout Christian, and she first said, "What we do in private is our business as long as no one gets hurt."  So I saw a photo of her dressed like a cowgirl on a bed and caught her watching porn. She told me men resisted having their anus played with. I discovered she liked beads and other objects to play with. I found she liked rimming and welcomed my tongue in its search for erogenous zones. If she had not become severely afflicted by dementia, we probably would have continued to explore things that aroused us.

This dry spell has given me a chance to read and explore. That is how I wound up in BDSM, M/S, but it is still from theory, not having the chance yet to practice what I have learned or my willingness to learn.

P.S. I forgot my wife called me Daddy (I didn't think much about that before).

Hello Friends,

If I could enjoy something that I would call fun these days, what would it be? I have many interests that I once could engage with but, as a full-time caregiver, find difficult or impossible. Artwork (painting), gardening, geology (mineral collecting including crystals for jewels), country rides, stopping at road stands, going out to eat, attending festivals, and participating (musically) in festivals. Songwriting, playing instruments, recording engineer, producer, and proprietor of an independent record/publishing company: I can work with this category somewhat, along with caregiving.

Completely abandoned going to the beach, fishing, and swimming.  My wife can not stay put in a restaurant, so that is out, too. There is a category that I would not call fun, but I do gain some satisfaction by accomplishing it. tasks within it. 

 I do gain some satisfaction with housework, like cleaning and decorating. House repairs like electrical repairs and plumbing. Small appliance repair. Landscaping and yard work

Once my caregiving day is over, I can watch some television programs, shows, and movies.

So you see, my friends, I do not need to do something described as fun. All I need is to be satisfied with being useful (and avoid the traps set for me online).

Hello Friends,

Not having relatives or friends nearby and in a town I never lived in and never belonged to anything here has made my days harder than they should have been. The blog is like having an imaginary friend sitting across the table from me. I share the moods as they come and go. I Apologize to those who have strong empathy and feel helpless because there is only so much that be exchanged in this way. I can say that being able to express myself and getting some of you to respond is as close as I can get to having a person here to talk to. Even my doctors and counselors are via video appointments. So, living partially in a natural (all too real) world and partially in a virtual world is more than some people on this planet have. Thanks. And I know our real family and friends let us down, but many people, especially the Veterans Administration, have become my family.  Thanks Again

Hello Friends,

Like swimming, driving, or riding a bicycle, we do not forget how to have sex, but the longer we go without it, we forget how to make love. Why do I say this? Making love is about knowing your partner intimately, which takes time, communication, practice, and TRUST.

In my position to keep what I may be losing for this three-year dry spell and not having a partner to get to know and trust, all I can do is fantasize (not in a trivial sense, more akin to the Pcyhocybernetics that I wrote about in a previous post).

Aging is another factor working against me. It is an invisible enemy that creeps into me while I remain unaware of its effects. In the song Suicide is Painless (a fav the MASH theme) Johnny Mandel (music) and Michael Altman  (at 14 years old in five minutes)(lyrics)

" . . . The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger, watch it grin . . . "

No, I won't give up without a fight, but we don't live forever, do we?

I am 76

"I asked my doctors why so many people die at my age 76? They al lsaid, "That is normal". So why am I still alive and would rather be dead instead of so stressed as a sole caregiver with out a single bit of a damn social life. Do not dare ask me what I do for fun that word is not in my vocabulary"

Hello Friends,

Making love for the first time with a new partner is special. It may begin with lust, but along the way, it becomes more. Or it may have grown out of friendship, and your emotional desire leads both of you to want to express your love for each other. It is when sex is great, and both are satisfied. 

On your way to the one-thousandth time, many things happen: emotional ties become bonds, variations in actual sexual action evolve to keep it interesting, and making love becomes a vital activity for your health and well-being.

During typical life experiences you share daily, your thoughts may always be anticipating your next lovemaking session. Beyond procreation and raising a family, this is when two humans become one entity living to please and care for each other. In the ubiquitous culture, people know this experience has faded from everyday life for many reasons: religious distortions, myths, pop emphasis on physical appearance, and ignorance. Sensing this, people seek fulfillment outside the relationship. 

When a partner violates the trust, he or she jeopardizes what may have taken years to develop. All is not lost. It can be recovered if both use love as their motive. or if a break is beyond repair (not confirmed as often as people think). A new partner can renew all this wonder. It may not take as long, but it will run just as deep when two want it to be so with all their heart. Try hard to keep it or commit to another with deep conviction and willingness to set out on a new adventure because this is a basic need most humans have to feel complete.

Hello Friends,

"Psycho-Cybernetics is a term coined by Dr. Maxwell Maltz, which means, “steering your mind to a productive, useful goal so you can reach the greatest port in the world, peace of mind.”

I read the book a long time ago, but what I gained never left me: Preparing for something by rehearsing it in your Mind's Eye as often as possible. It was great when applied to a sport, and it helped me for sure: hitting a fastball. tackling a gifter half-back (in high school, I was a linebacker and tackled a later-to-be pro running back in the backfield); in entertainment rehearsing for a big performance; in job-seeking interviews. As a soldier, I rehearsed my skills as a marksman, achieved expert marksmanship (my main job, however, was missile warhead specialist), and achieved soldier of the month battalion level. How about encounters with the opposite sex, dating, and romance?

Absolutely; after my wild, carefree younger days when I began to search for a mate and cared about how I looked, talked, and behaved when I was with a woman, nervousness was sometimes an obstacle. I was overthinking in a conversation. Hand me C4 or an M16, point me toward the objective, and I know what to do. Place a beautiful young woman in front of me. I could become a deer in the headlights. That passed, and I was married three times, and the last one I just celebrated the thirty-ninth year. (my wife is not capable of understanding, sadly, now). So, I am new to BDSM M/S culture.

I need close supervision from my mentor, the Dominatrix, who recruited, taught, and coached me to prod my way into this life. I have barely touched the surface, and some days, I long for simpler times of a simple man-woman relationship. She calls me Master, but it seems the girls she trains and even me obey her (some master, huh?) No, I am not her slave; she won't accept me calling her Mistress. She is training me to be in charge of the girls she trains. That is the theory, at least.

Another chapter in a life full of twists and turns; I would write a book, but my mind is too fast. I need a ghostwriter to help me tame it. Poems, songs, and artwork are short-term projects I manage well.

So what I need is the understanding of how to prepare myself as a Master using Psycho-Cybernetics or maybe a sub should teach me what to do or have her do.LOL

Hello Friends,

How often do people have sex? Here is an old story, and it may be a myth:

"If a newly married couple put a bean in a jar everytime they had sex the first year of marriage and began to take the beans out each time they had sex starting with the second year of marriage,by the end of their lives there still would be beans in the jar."

“Normal” is whatever feels fulfilling for you and your partner, and communication plays a key role in making sure both parties feel fulfilled. 
That said, a 2017 study that appeared in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that the average adult currently enjoys sex 54 times a year, which equates to about once a week"

OK, what happens is up to individuals and their health, libido, and lifestyle.  So, I am 76 years old. What seems to be the norm for my age group?

"For many of us our focus is full of myths, such as - older adults don’t, can’t, shouldn’t have sex.

“Wrong, wrong, wrong. People are having sex, well into their 60s, 70s and beyond,” writes HuffPost, citing a 2015 study of 7,000 English men and women in their 70s and 80s. More than half the men and about a third of the women said they were still sexually active. One-third of respondents said they had sex at least twice a month.. . . . "

"Here are 4 other misconceptions and myths associated with aging and sexual activity:

Myth 1: There's nothing you can do about normal body changes that interfere with sexual activity and enjoyment.
Myth 2: Sex causes heart attacks.
Myth 3: Sex isn't important when you get older.
Myth 4: Older adults don't have to worry about sexually transmitted diseases."

I am still well enough for sex and have desire despite being cut off because of my wife's brain disease. As discussed in one of my researched articles, Time is not on my side to continue being sexually active.

I feel the clock is ticking, and it isn't my friend in this case. 

Hello Friends,

When interviewing a potential sub, it's important to cover all the necessary topics and ensure they express themselves accurately. A trial period and evaluation can help determine the viability of the relationship. Is it important to establish a safety word in case of too much pain during kinks and to have a way to abort if a kink arises that wasn't previously discussed?

How does this work in actual relationships? I would guess for some, it is very important and detailed, while for others, it is less comprehensive.

Hello Friends,

Yes, it is warmer and the sun is out. I visited my Urologist and he told me you are doing well. I don't know whether it is a curse or a blessing: I am 76 with a functioning libido but a wife not able to be interested in sex. She is eight years younger with early onset brain disorder and I am the caregiver.

I see in the news a number of my contemporary entertainers (more noteworthy than I) have passed at 76 years old doctors tell me I am in the ever-increasing minority with this longevity; I don't feel old either. Yes I lost a step and the Army helped me lose some of my hearing  but also gave me hearing aids (LOL) My family (paternal and maternal have the genes for longevity so I shouldn't be surprised.)

As a caregiver most of my hobbies and interests had to be set aside. I salvaged songwriting because I could carve out a quiet time to work. Each day is a new adventure. Life has strange twists and turns; some friends from school days are long gone as is all the older generation of my family. Having six brothers scattered from Iceland to Florida makes getting together a challenge. I used to be the oldest up until we met my older brother in Iceland. In general our genes also have encouraged all of us to seek one form of adventure or another (and we survived the wildness of our youth). Ok enough background. What adventure do I see myself in?

BDSM M/S is all new for me and I have only been introduced to this culture for about four months. Aspects are encouraging for me at this time in my life. It harkens back to my adventurous 1960s life that I have written about before. Ok a Dominatrix has been doing all the teaching and I am not her slave. She gifted me two trained subs but they have been unable to meet me because of winter and some other factors. In the meantime?

I have made some errors in my expectations as was revealed in my blog posts and I hope to reduce errors as I move along. Today I am curious about what it means if a sub-woman is considered a "pet". How does that look in reality I would like to know more about this idea where a human is considered a pet.