Let's examine my need for attention. I always have this need for attention. It feels like a persistent pull, almost like a nagging feeling that won’t quite go away unless it’s been soothed recently. The days drag on as I feel like I’m the doll waiting in the corner for his attention. The quiet moments feel longer, and I often catch myself checking my phone alot more than I should be, he’s just busy with his life. I know it’s not healthy to rely so much on one person for validation or comfort, but at the same time, that attention feels so important to me. It’s something I crave deeply, and when it’s not immediately there, I find myself struggling to focus on other things. I’ve tried to put more effort into finding a vanilla friend, someone I can hang out with outside of our dynamic, but it’s been tough. Building those connections takes time, and I guess I’m just not feeling very patient these days. I am going to try to funnel this into some knitting today. One of the things I used to love doing was knitting. It used to be a peaceful, creative outlet for me, something that could calm my mind and keep my hands busy. But lately, I haven’t been able to get into it. Instead, I’m always looking for that attention. It’s like my mind is too preoccupied to enjoy what used to bring me so much peace.
Today, though, I’m going to try something different. I’m going to make a conscious effort to funnel this need for attention into something more productive like knitting. Maybe if I can immerse myself in the rhythm of the stitches, I’ll be able to calm that restless part of me. It won't be easy to quiet the pain in my heart.
