Under The Whip

"Spend about 5 minutes thinking about the advice you have received from others about life in general, living as a submissive or searching for a Dominant. How has it helped you grow and why does that advice keep coming back to you?" - Submissive Advent Calendar, LunaKM
"There is no wrong or right way to do BDSM as long as it is consensual." My Mentor, Sir Seven

"Needs are not negotiable." My Mentor, Sir Seven

"A submissive and slave can say no, and have safe words." My Mentor, Sir Seven

"Just because I am angry with you does not stop me from being your dominant. Just because you are angry with me does not stop you from being my submissive. Therefore you can be angry with me from your knees." My Master, Damon

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." Rose Kennedy

“Only a life lived in the service to others is worth living.”-Albert Einstein

"Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game" Babe Ruth

“Don't let your past dictate who you are, but let it be part of who you will become” Nick Portokalos, From My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Plato's - The Allegory Cave

Anne Desclos - The Story of O

John Lange aka John Norman - Gor Series

Now granted there are so much more I could have listed. I was limited to five minutes. So many creators on youtube, podcasts, and even people within therapy that have guided and helped me. Let along all of my personal experiences over the years.

Some of this was sound advice and others were lessons I had to learn the hard way. Still BDSM and D/s is a journey well worth traveling. Nothing ever good is ever had by taking the safe paths. You have to risk being hurt and heart broken to find true happiness. It was hard to get where I am, but I am proud of my journey.

Learn to love and accept yourself. All the good and the bad.

"There are moments in our lives when we can lose sight of why we are submitting, or we can’t grasp that warm glow of submission like we used to." - Submissive Advent Calendar, LunaKM by the Submissive Guide.

A token that represents my submission can be so many things. I have a keychain of a wolf because I definitely resonate with being a wolf in spirit and it has my slave name, Ava etched into it. However I didnt actually make that. I custom ordered it.

I dont have beads or safety pins on hand to create with, and goodness I was pulling out the paints and canvases currently to pain something amazing to hang on my wall that is so personal. People would never understand.

So to the drawing board. Literally. I created a beautiful card, the size of a playing card. I need the card to be black because I am blind and black is one color I can actually see. The gold represents the richness of my submission. How passionate I am to serve and please my Masters. The willingness I come to them and the love and devotion. It is deep and rich with need and love completely. The filigree design is because I am an artist and I love to be creative in my submissive acts.

The purple represents the House of Koch. It is the color of choice since one Masters favorite color is Red, and the others is Blue, and when you combine them together clearly purple is made. The heart is my submissive heart, in purple because my heart, body, mind, and soul belongs to my Masters.

The bunny ears. Well I am Bunny Bites, but I am my Masters rope bunny. Their cute, happity, hippity, hoppity little rabbit. It resonates so much with me and I absolutely love it. The gold chains completely wrapped around them because I am locked in bondage and servitude to my Masters.

Forever and always, in love and chains.

The image can be found here 

"Nor dare I question with my jealous thought
Where you may be, or your affairs suppose,
But, like a sad slave, stay and think of naught" Sonnet 57, Shakespeare

So for todays submissive advent calendar activity. We had to read this sonnet and really think upon it. How does this sonnet make us feel?

Of course it is always beautiful to me to see the words from history written from past authors and poets. The love of the servant, the devoted slave can be intercepted in so many different ways. Was it the love of a citizen to their sovereign? A loving wife to her husband? A loyal and obedient religious servant to their God?

Honestly I like this sonnet. I chose the lines above for my first Advent activity because I think jealousy plays a massive role in D/s. Especially in my own personal dynamic.

To me the way it reads is that I should never allow a jealous thought to cross my mind. That it doesnt matter where my Masters go, or what they are doing. I have NOTHING to be jealous over.

Do not be the sad slave, Ava. For the sad slave is miserable. The sad slave is lonely. The sad slave sees only the negative. The sad slave sees and feels only jealousy, and hatred.

For a long time I was jealous. Especially when we became a poly relationship/dynamic. I thought I was in fact losing my Master Damon, but why did I think this way?

Honestly I should have looked at it in a positive light. I wasnt losing anything or anyone. In fact I was gaining another Master. Another play partner. Another confidant. I gained another loving protector. I gained a partner to help my Master with the stress he deals with. I gained a friend and a man who was offering guidance.

I do believe jealousy emotions just masks fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the changes coming around the corner. Fear of the loss of something or someone you hold so dear. Jealousy makes us human, and it can be humbling. It can also be the cause for destruction.

Do I still have moments of jealousy? Absolutely. However this little snippet from the sonnet will stick with me now. I can use it as a mantra. A reminder that I have nothing to be jealous of.

I have nothing to question my Masters on when I am feeling this way. To act in fear, to question, to doubt because I am behaving as a sad jealous slave is harmful to me, and to them. It would make me doubt them. It would make me question the character of them.

What right do I have to do that?

I chose them just as much as they chose me. Perhaps these jealous thoughts are not based on fear for anything of them, but instead of myself. Perhaps they spread like a wildfire in my own thoughts because of my insecurities? Moreso they spread because I do not trust myself fully.

What kind of slave would I be to lash out in my emotions like this. Unwarranted because they went to the grocery store? Unwarranted because they wanted to go do something without me. It doesnt make me any less theirs. It doesnt make them love me any less. It doesnt make them not choose me as their beautiful obedient slave girl.

William knew what he was writing. Jealousy is a killer. I will remember these words and hold them so close to my heart.

When jealousy rears its ugly head again. I will hold these words close. I have no desire to question my Masters because of my jealousy. I have No desire to be that sad slave alone in misery.

I will celebrate the joy and love I have for my Masters. I make this vow to myself today.

I do not approve or understand why there are city names that are the same in other states of the USA. 

Now I feel like an asshole. 

Me talking a Master/Daddy Dom from Kansas City. Who is a good friend now and is single needing a submissive/little. 

Me talking to my little friend who lives in Kansas City, and wants a Daddy Dom and possible TPE relationship. 

Me Introducing them together....

Me just now finding out one lives in KC, Missouri, and the other in KC, Kansas. 

I am so upset...Granted LDR that start online can move to real life and move closer etc, but I feel like such a jerk...

Transgender Remembrances Day

There was a woman once who was a passing happy moment in my life. She was perky, innocent at heart, funny, kind and caring. I did not get a chance to really get to know her.

I knew she was Transgender.
I knew she was a little
I knew she loved pink
I knew she enjoyed coloring and stuffies
I knew she loved seafood
I was happy to celebrate a birthday with her
I was happy I got to color with her
I was so happy I got to see her hug the stuffy that my Daddy and I got her

We fell out of touch after she and our roommate parted ways. They just werent a match. During this time I went blind, and I couldnt text for a long time after surgeries and she never called. So it was hard.

A year and half later after I could see what little I can see now, I am out getting fast food at Burger King with my Daddy and my Mr Big. We are sitting waiting for our number to be called, when there was a commotion. Someone arguing with the people at the register.

Daddy was shocked and said, "Thats *instert a name because I wont for reasons* and he got up to go chase her down to talk to her but he didnt get to her in time and she had drove off.

My Mr Big went to get our food when it was time and heard the people behind the counter laughing and talking so much hate about her. Making fun of her, bullying her when she wasnt there, etc.

It really upset us. Naturally given the people we are, we of course said something and filed a complaint about it. Though I doubt anything ever came of it.

You can believe whatever you want to believe but treating someone with common courtesy and respect is mandatory. Period!!!

Anyways...

Two weeks later we learned that she opted to exit this world. I always wondered if that incident was what made her decide to do such a thing? That is maybe one of those people were just a little kinder she might have chosen that she was worth saving.

That she had a reason to live for.

Depression is a terrifying illness. It claims so many beautiful people each year. It claims so many beautiful people in the Trans Community. It breaks my heart.

It doesnt take much to be kind to someone. To give them a smile, or a kind word. You dont have to agree with them. You dont have to understand someone. You dont have to walk in their shoes, but for one second. Just one, showing kindness can save a life. Showing respect to someone can save a life.

I may not always understand someone, believe what they believe in, support things they support. I will however show you kindness, be an ear for you to vent to, a shoulder you can cry on, and do my best to offer unbiased advice if you ask for it.

I may not always agree and I definitely dont support agendas, but I support beautiful, kind people who want to be loved and accepted for just being who they are.

For my beautiful friend, fleeting as it was. In her memory, and for all those just like her that felt hopeless, lost and unloved.

I will never forget you.

There is never enough things I think expressed or written online or shown in videos on youtube and social platforms that bring awareness to people about Dominant aftercare and Dom drop. Which to me a shame because it is a topic that is important to me as a submissive/slave. The care, happiness, and well being of my Masters are the most important thing to me in this world.

I got to experience one of my Masters going through Dom drop the other day. It was hard seeing him go through it because I felt so helpless. I had NO idea what I could do help him. I understand that alot of Doms, at least ones I have talked with and grown with over time always tell me that they cannot be vulnerable because they have to be big and strong.

Bollocks!!!

As much as I hate hearing that because I desire to be there for my Masters to lean on me when they truly need it just as they are there for me. It made me so happy when my Master finally reached out and told me he was struggling, dealing with Dom drop. He did not know what would help him pull out of it.

I did not even need to be asked. I was already up off my computer. I was grabbing my kneeling cushion, even as I heard it might help if you came in here. I was already rounding the corner and there before him I arrived and he smiled. He allowed me there before him. Moving to me knees and knelt there, my fingers caressing up his legs.

I massaged his legs, resting my head there against his thighs, nuzzling while he looked down at me, rubbing his hands through my hair. Occasionally I lifted my head and peered up at him. Being blind I can barely see his face but we connected. I know our eyes met. I could feel it so intensely. He allowed me to kneel there as long as I desired to be there. Despite hurting, I chose to push through the pain for him.

When he was feeling such a state of Dom Drop, the only answer I could give him was to come humbly before him. Kneel there, comfort him from my knees. I would have done anything for him in those moments. His opening up and allowing me to see such a vulnerable moment only made me ache to serve and please him that must stronger.

We often in our own submissive hearts when we are loved and cherished and cared for, forget that our Dominants/Masters/Daddys are human. They have needs outside of the tasks, chores, and servitude they demand of us. Strong, Masculine, Tender, Loving I want it all. I crave and need it. It burns in my belly with the desire to be put before his feet.

I crave to serve his needs and desires and yes in these most intimate moments I yearn and ache to be the one that can lift him back up. That no matter how far he drops, I as his slave will be there. To do whatever he desired, or needed of me.

How often do I drop, that I am given cuddles, kisses, caresses, snackies, movies, stuffies, blankets, paci's, my favorite dinner, a movie, silly dancing, the whip, and even put to the bed for their pleasure and oh so sweetly my own just the same.

My Masters pull me so abruptly out of sub drop by doing all of these things. Sometimes the symptoms go unnoticed and we never see it. We are blissfully happy to have guidance, love, and protection that we truly forget to see them.

I wish this was something that was much more talked about. Normalized. I wish all Masters could feel so confident that when they need to voice these moments they feel safe and unjudged. I am going to make it a point to ensure that I never miss a sign again. I am going to be my Masters' sanctuary. A safe place for them just as they are for me.

Strive for that. Strive for the perfection you can have in your service. Strive for the pleasing nature of your heart to please their desires and needs. Strive to be their sanctuary, their peace. Let your Masters know that it is safe and perfectly ached for their vulnerability as much as their strength.

It is not weakness. It takes strength, courage, bravery to reveal these moments. Moments that I need from my Masters. Moments like me simply kneeling at his feet, his fingers combing my hair, his kisses upon my lips, and me there burning with need to please him.

Take a moment to hug your Dominant today. Really hug them, tightly, close, and just whisper how much you cherish them. How grateful you are that they chose you. How safe, loved, and protected they make you feel.

Look into their eyes *if you are permitted of course* and truly see through to their soul. You will feel that zing surge through you. It is intense and shakes me down to my core when this happens.

I was ffering support to someone in a Submissive forum. Not on here but on Fetlife. Her Dominant is a switch and he wants her to Service Top him and she was having a hard time wrapping her mind around this. 

So I did as any good person would do, and offered her my advice and my support. I kindly told her she could add me and chat about anything at any time. She was happy to make a new friend but then two seconds later. 

BAM.....You have been banned for ONE week because...Waah you made a friend. 

No where in their rules did it say I couldnt offer to be a support system for someone. No where in the rules did it say I couldnt add people or have them add me IF THEY WANTED TO. 

Are we seriously back in kindergarten?  So Fuck Them. Keep me banned, you have really kicked my desire to return to being a Kink Educator, Mentor, and truly a Support System in my community for fellow Submissives like me and who need genuine friends and not anyone just looking for  afast hook up. 

Anyways that jsut really bothered me, and honestly it didnt accomplish anything for them. I still got a new little friend and she and I are going to be support systems together and I wont ever let her feel alone in this world. We submissives have to stick together and lift each other up in the moments that we can. 

*hops off her soapbox*

I entered the lifestyle back in 2003 and back then I never did things safely. I never even new the term SSC. I was also a nasty little shit. I played many games and never took this life too seriously, topping from the bottom, whining to get my way and leaving Dominants that gave me a chance when I didnt get it.

Like I said...A little shit.

However that isnt the basis for this writing all of that is a story for another day or hell for just conversation anymore. So today presented me with an idea I thought I might write about.

In our discord server we had a few new people in the lifestyle join us. We are super happy that our little community is growing with such genuine and close interactions it warms my heart because it isnt just a community. It is a massive family forming, with kind people, who are uplifting and non-judgmental.

So back in 2014 I entered into my mentorship with Sir Seven. This man was intimidating. He was the first Dominant I ever took officially seriously. He did not accept me as a mentee at first.

He told me I was too spirited and that my mouth was what was going to ruin me because I am bold, opinionated, forward, and brutally honest. He told me I speak very much in a Dominant manner. He told me with that he never believed I was ever going to be a proper, obedient and pleasing submissive.

I truly just believe I am completely misunderstood.

Do I actually talk like this on voice and in person. Absolutely. However I know my place as a submissive. I respect that people that to me are the very definition of Dominant. Not everyone gets that respect from me. Sir Seven however truly was the first.

I had to truly beg him to take me on. I had to swear and cry and talk until I was blue in the face to explain exactly how desperately I wanted to serve and to please and be properly trained as a submissive. How I so desperately need to take this lifestyle seriously. He had his doubts. He was skeptical every step of the way. He took on the challenge of polishing the rough edges of my rebel heart and soul.

So that brings me to why I am writing this. First I am and always will be forever grateful and proud to have been taught by Sir Seven. He was honorable, honest, intelligent, and ethical. Now my first two lessons I will NEVER forget. The Allegory Cave, written by Plato and how it represents todays society and BDSM.

99 pages of utter torture but in the end, after reading it again, and again, and then using it for my own teachings and mentoring, a very much treasured book, and tool in bringing people through some much needed turmoil from their inner battles with accepting who they are in this life and being happy and better off with being who they are.

The next lesson was choosing my scene name and learning that you use it at all times in this lifestyle. Online personas, public play events, etc etc. That it is necessary to remain extremely discreet in this world. The lifestyle, the community is my home. It is where I belong with all of you, while I sit so pretty wrapped in rope at my Masters' feet. I learned that with this identity came intense and deep responsibility. That if you see a coworker, a friend at a public play space, you never know them. When you leave and go back to work, you never saw them there.

I have noticed that today many people do not apply this to their lives. I have noticed this as well in our Discord server. Anyone can choose to live however they want. They can do BDSM however they want because what is right for them, is right for them. Period.

However my name is Ava. It is a slave name granted to me by the use of my Masters. I am proud to be called Ava. It has been carved into my soul and honestly I prefer it over my actual name.

Bunny-Bites is just a cute way to express myself but at play spaces, local dungeons, munches, conventions, etc. I am Ava. It makes me feel submissive. It makes me feel beautiful. It is an impression of my slavery upon me as my Masters have given it to me. It is also protection from the outside world.

We know how dangerous the world can be. Vanilla people despite them not believing they are kinky when we all know a smack on the ass or pulling of some hair definitely is kinky even if it isnt to some extremes. We know they judge us, call us weirdos. Still I am sure some out there would never hesitate to cancel us out of our jobs like the society today tends to do.

Ridiculous...I know.

Honestly if we arent hurting anyone else, and our partners are consenting to the dynamic we share and love so much, and we arent forcing this life down their throats, then people cant say shit about it, In my opinion.

Still regardless of my personal feelings I just thought I would share that information that my dear mentor had once advised me of and that I love so damn much.

1. Think of a name that fulfills you. Makes you feel empowered as a Dom/Top. Makes you feel submissive or super kinky as a Sub/Bottom.
2. Adapt that to your life by using it on your kinky social platforms.
3. Then at public play spaces and events. Use this name as your name and inform people it is your scene name.

Plus the benefit is it can make you feel all sorts of ways when you take on a persona like this. It can be your freedom to shed the mask of the everyday life and truly put on the face of whom you really are.

It does that for me at least.

I have no idea where the days went. I thought they were going to be long, lonely, and hard. yet here we are. Ten days later and its already Halloween. 

So it is noon right now in my area, and my Master leaves for the airport in two hours. His flight will be in early evening and I will be there, eager and happy to be back in his arms. 

Yesterday was a great day filled with conversations with close friends talking about BDSM topics and today I get to be with my Master Calvin. two GREAT days in a row. I am truly blesssed. 

I hope everyone stays safe today if you are going out to celebrate, or be with family and your kids to go trick or treating. I will be home, snuggled up, horror films and dinner with both of my Masters. 

I always try to be mindful and understanding when it comes to my Dominants. I say TRY because there are moments where I am so down in the dumps that it doesnt always happen. During these times I tend to lose myself and forget that just because I dont see something, doesnt mean it isnt happening.

I am certain I am not the only one guilty of doing this.

I bring this up because yesterday I was talking with a new Dom friend that joined our discord server. She runs classes on Zoom for Disabled and Kinky people. Anyways she asked me how does my relationship/dynamic work with me serving two Masters. She asked me if we ever get jealous and what not.

YES. Yes we do. We are human. There are moments that we are jealous. Moments we feel inadequate. Moments when we feel that we are never enough, or that our partner values time with the other over us.

I will admit at first it was ROUGH.

There was a lot of fights at first. Damon and I are hot tempered. We both came from families that did not know how to communicate. So a ton of arguments ensued. Calvin actually got us to calm down and learn to communicate better. On top of that Damon had always been in Poly relationships. This is my first experience. I was navigating uncharted waters. So was Calvin. I have moments of feeling guilty for being with another partner instead of Damon. I had moments of feeling not good enough for either one because I was jealous.

I can honestly say that three years later we are in a great place. We communicate our feelings. When we feel insecure about the relationship we now voice those insecurities and we obtain reassurance from each other. Is our dynamic and relationship perfect? No, of course not.

So this brings me to why I wanted to share all of this. I have moments when I feel like my Masters are not present. That I feel that I am left to my own devices. That they do not know what I am doing, where or when or how, but of course they do. I just cannot see them doing it.

This was brought back to my attention the other night. My Master Damon and I were laying in bed snuggling. Instead of watching a show before bed we just talked and shared a few tiktok videos. He made me cry. I promise in a good way.

So a little context I have an eating disorder called ARFID. Or Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder. People with ARFID are extremely selective eaters and sometimes have little interest in eating food. They may eat a limited variety of preferred foods, which can lead to poor growth and poor nutrition.

When I tell you that I never think about eating it is an understatement. It is why one of my rules by my Masters is to make sure I eat at least three times a day. It is hard however becuase NOTHING sounds edible. Smells make me want to vomit. Textures that my brain doesnt like, nope going to vomit. Flavor if it tastes funny, vomit. Sometimes I have to close my eyes and just put it in my mouth chew it fast and swallow.

Take for instance Tacos. I used to LOVE tacos. In fact my ARFID made me love Tacos soooo much I had to have a taco every single day. Then we got a roommate who lived with us and he was heavily into spices. The hotter the better but he didnt have good hygeine so now, the smell of any sort of Taco spices make me want to vomit and it triggers me to the times he would walk by me.

I dont mean to come off mean but that is what happens to me.

So now my Masters have to give me a coping stuffy sprayed in their cologne or other calming scent whenever they cook with Cumin, Garlic, Onions, or any other spices with Peppers.

So now you have a bit of contezt and I am willing to talk more about my eating disorder if people want to know more about it through my DMs.

Anyways back to the main point. As I was talking with my Master Damon and sharing TikToks and earlier that night I was upset. We were having issues finding me something to eat for dinner. Becuase once again,, ARFID, and I feel like a burden because I know they get frustrated. My entire faimly gets frustrated and its not because I am a burden, despite me feeling that way, I know it stems from them feeling helpless to help me.

but my Master Damon made me cry. He showed me some videos on TikTok of a teenage boy who suffers from ARFID. He was sharing tips and tricks that he and his mother use to help him. He showed me that he had all these videos saved. We watched them and I just wanted to curl into his arms bury my face into his chest and just cry.

In my insecurities I coastally feel that my Master Damon doesnt desire me, or want me, or I am never enough for him. I never feel like I am on his mind even though he is texting me all the time at work. I know alot of this stems from my childhood trauma that I am working on.

but I cried so hard because in the background. When I am feeling these things, he can just open up TikTok so easily and reveal that I dont see him thinking about me, but I am on his mind. That something like my eating disorder is something that is on his mind, that he is trying to find a solution to make it better for me.

That he is trying to turn eating into something I can enjoy again, something that doesnt make me sit here crying at every meal because I cannot fathom eating, and I cannot change the fact that I throw up most of what I do eat.

I am NOT bulimic. The vomiting is involuntary. It is just my body.

Anyways I am even crying writing this. It is something I dont always share with people who arent super close to me and do not understand, but I felt brave today. I felt submissive and loving today.

I feel deep and great appreciation for my Master Damon because he always finds a way to humble me without even trying. To remind me that I am his. That I am on his mind. That he loves and cherishes me. That he desire my happiness just as much as his own.

That he cares for me deeply to suffer thousands of videos and articles because he doesn't want me to suffer.

So just remember when you feel like your Dominant is not paying attention to you. That maybe you just arent fully seeing the big picture. That maybe when you think they are absent mindedly playing on their phones they are actually researching ways to benefit you.

Just do me a favor. Reach out to your partners today and just give them a big hug and let them know that everything they do for you. You appreciate and love them for.

I love you my Masters. For everything I know you do, and especially for everything I cannot see that you do for me.