Littlegirllost becomes littlegirlfound

Breaking up is rough. Breaking up in a dynamic that you thought was going well is even harder. A couple of days ago, Miss broke up with me, not because I did anything wrong but because she didn't have time time to give me anymore.

I'm not gonna lie and say I took it gracefully, I felt used and hurt. Most of all I felt betrayed. I trusted her and she essentially disregard me. I said some not nice things but most of all I cried. I sobbed whilst trying to comfort myself realising that I no longer have a Miss. The worst part of it all is the fact that I had fallen for her, I was falling in love with her. But now she's gone, and I have to come to terms with the fact that she's no longer my miss.

I was finally feeling confident in our dynamic, I felt safe and loved and all that has now been essentially thrown away. I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me and I'm just free falling. Whilst our relationship ended on a painful note I'm always gonna have a spot for her in my heart as my first Domme.

I need to figure out how to cope and how to thrive when all the guidance and love I once had is gone. I think I'm gonna take a break and just try to clear my head but I just feel rough. It definitely doesn't help that I have the flu right now, because I feel extra rough since I'm physically unwell.

Miss if your reading this, I know you didn't mean to hurt me, but you did. I know in time I can forgive you but right now I need to just focus on myself and my own health. You're always gonna have a place in my heart as the person who showed me that I'm a Little, and who bought so much joy to my life.

I'm torn between dropping off of this site till I feel better or just leaving the site fully. I feel somewhat broken inside but I know that this is only going to be temporary pain.

I'll probably come back eventually but I just need some space.

So yesterday Miss and I went rock climbing, I haven't properly climbed in forever, I later found out the way that I used to climb was wrong because of the fact I didn't follow any set route I just grabbed onto whatever I could to support me 😂😂

Rock climbing was tough, facing my fears and climbing the walls was scary but I felt safe knowing that Miss was right there to ensure I was ok and safe. Climbing with Miss made me realise how much I trusted her, with her as my belay partner (the person who holds the rope as you climb) I knew I was safe and I knew she had my back, literally. I'll admit it was terrifying at first because I'm mildly afraid of heights (which I thought I was over but that's besides the point.) I still listened to her and followed her guidance as she was in charge of supervising me.

I'll admit when I got tired I did give up on one climb but after a break and some water, and going back to the slightly easier wall I got back on the wagon and I'm proud of myself for trying, and so was Miss, which is always nice to achieve! I was scared I disappointed her when I gave up on that one wall but we gathered that at this current moment I can't do the straight rock walls but one day I will be able to!

I'm excited to go climbing with Miss again, as we're going again next week! My whole body aches but in a good way and I hope that next week I'll be better at climbing and maybe I can face the scary straight wall. I definitely recommend going rock climbing with your Dom/me as it's definitely a trust and bonding exercise. I definitely feel closer to Miss after we went climbing, and I think that next time I'll try a harder climbing level!

Miss if your reading this thank you for taking me climbing with you, it was really fun and I hope that next week I continue to make you proud with my attempts at climbing ❤️

Sometimes we lose focus of ourselves, whilst trying to find who you are on this adventure. Today I'm using my blog as a place to remind myself who I am

Who is Littlegirllost?

Well shes 23, from England and she is a little/sub. Her little side is like somewhere between 8-10. She likes to colour, likes cartoons and likes anything cute. She also loves video games. She love physical affection from those she's close to but she's also shy about her love for physical affection.

She craves structure and guidance, since she is very chaotic when left to her own devices. She has trauma but she's working her way through it as she knows she can't let it define her. She's working on it slowly and is a lot stronger than she thinks she is.

She tries her best constantly and tries to always be good. But she sometimes worries she isn't enough. She has a heart of gold and loves to ensure everyone around her feels loved and cared about because she's felt what it's like to not feel like that. She also just wants those around her to be happy because everyone deserves happiness.

She sometimes feels like she's just a background actor on a stage but she's trying to reclaim her right to shine. She's not the background actor she used to be and she’s determined to be the star of her show.

She trying her best to be healthy, as she knows it'll be good for her, but she struggles at times because she's a sucker for sweet treats. She knows that if she wants to live a long and happy life she needs to make positive changes.

She's adventurous and is enjoying her journey exploring this side of the metaphorical tracks and she's trying her best to be the best little girl she can be for her Domme but she struggles sometimes.

Most of all she's me and I'm her. She's always gonna be a part of me as I am always going to be a part of her. We're two sides of the same coin and I wouldn't have it any other way

“Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if its broken, but you'll still see the crack in that m***********’s reflection.” I've always believed this quote, as I've never fully believed that once trust is broken that it can be fully fixed. There will always be a crack in that mirror.

Let's get real for a moment, I've always had trust issue, it stems from the fact that in my younger years I constantly was betrayed, bullied and just let down by those who were supposed to care and love me. Constantly feeling like a spare part does a number on your mental health by that's besides the point. Today I want to talk about trust, and how whilst it can be hard to trust how important it is to trust your Dom/me.

Trust is hard and can be scary, like it's scary to trust someone new in your life, especially if you've been let down before constantly. Like I think before I met my Domme I think I trusted 3 people, two best friends and myself. Now that's become 4 with my Domme be on that list. Which I didn't think would have happened so fast, with it only being a month since we've met.

Trusting her was a process, I went from being skittish and distrustful to being unafraid to voice my opinion and thoughts. She was different she was honest and never tried to lie or rose tint anything. It was refreshing, and it made me feel like I was important enough to be honest with. It felt refreshing and made me feel like I was worthy of the truth. Being the youngest in my family meant I was constantly given half truths to “protect me” but all that did was given me ✨trust issues✨.

But trust in any relationship is important, let alone in a dynamic where things can go from good to bad in a minute. Trusting your Dom/me ensures that you're safe and having a good time, trusting that they wouldn't hurt you intentionally (unless that's what your into). Trust is an important pillar in the BDSM community, if you can't trust someone how can you be intimate with them? If you can't trust someone how can you be in a vulnerable state around them? 

I guess what I'm trying to say is if you can't trust your Dom/me how are you sure they're gonna do right by you and ensure your safety both physically and mentally? I trust my Domme implicitly, I know she cares about me and that I can trust her not to hurt me mentally, I know that with her I'm safe and I can be either the little or confident women I want to be. 

I still haven't figured out how I should end this, but I guess, just remember no matter what or who you talking to, if you can't build up trust with them, maybe don't play with them?

Trying to come to terms with the fact I'm a little was a bit disconcerting. Finding out I naturally tried to build my own structure and making time for play. It's been one month since I started this journey and honestly I wouldn't have had it any other way. This is a just a free form ramble where I'm just trying to reflect on my journey and how I'm finding this world. I'm slowly trying to go from littlegirllost to littlegirlfound.

When I was first told by a domme, that I may be a little at first I was like what? You've gotta be kidding me, but then as we dissected my life it made more and more sense. Instead of playing with dolls, I play video games that allow me to make my own storylines (long live the Sims 4). I collect stuff like plushies and teddies just because I think they're cute and I also adore the entirety of sanrio cast of characters! Like I love cute kawaii things and it's just makes sense. Honestly if it wasn't for my domme I wouldn't have realised that I'm a little let alone begin to get my life in order and start to manage to be a confident women.

When I first started exploring this dynamic, I realised I was fighting myself. There was a part of me that wanted to be big and keep full control of my life, whilst there was another part of me that craved having someone else to guide me and help me to explore my littler side. Fighting yourself is always a challenge like it's a tug of war but either way it feels like your gonna lose. If I wasn't told that it's ok to be little or it's ok to be a sub I probably would still be fighting myself now. It took about two weeks for me to get used to and become better acquainted with my little side, and now I know her a bit better but we're still learning about eachother. 

Being a little doesn't mean anything is wrong with you, like you're not broken, you're not weak and you're just an adult who has different likes. You can like cartoons or plushies or colouring and still be strong and confident. Its taken me time to realise this but now I'm a happy little who is sometimes a brat but is enjoying this journey either way. 

The following two weeks were filled with laughter, brattiness and just trying to fully get to grips with the rules my domme had set for me, like I'm still trying to get a full week of no black stars on my starboard, but that's besides the point. But each day is an adventure and each day I learn something new whether it's from an article Miss sends me or if it's something I stumbled across on this site. Each day is a new day to learn and grow as a little.