you've made a fool of me. you made promises and I trusted you and you didn't keep them. you threw them all away, along with me. I didn't even get a goodbye this time, just a note that your mom called and you were sorry you didn't get a chance to call me back and that you'd call the next morning. That was 10 days ago! ten days.
I can't trust you at all anymore - the first betrayal should have been enough, but I come back for a beating every. single. time. it breaks my heart into a million little pieces that I won't talk to you anymore - it's not because you might call or I might run into you in public - it's because if I do, I won't be answering and I won't be saying anything or making any eye contact. I wish I had a chance to say a proper goodbye, but honestly, you don't deserve it.
I had a tarot reading at one point in time - I believe over the summer - when we were talking frequently. she warned me. she pulled the fool card reversed, then the death card - she told me about your financial troubles before I even knew the brevity of them and told me to not let you in on my finances. I did it anyway. I went forward and told myself that the cards were wrong about you, that your heart and words were pure and at the end of the day we'd at least be friends. I should have listened.
I found I was a test subject once again - your interest in my "extra curricular" activities - your hypothetical questions - all part of being your test subject. I felt it and I knew and I should have listened to my intuition when it was screaming, but I fucking trusted you. at the end of the day, you were just too intrigued to look away and a pussy that couldn't handle himself or really, really, at the end of the day, you couldn't handle me either.
only a patient sadist can handle the shameful feeling, closet baby masochist.