I started therapy. I've had two sessions and we still didn't get thru the intake questions. he emailed me the rest of the questions and I sent back the answers. I like him, but I feel unsteady - maybe it's just because it's still so new and i'm still building trust with someone on that side of the "world"
but
i'm a bit distraught when I think about it too much. I'm worried that he won't help me navigate things properly - I've heard about someone else's ship and i'm not certain that I believe I want him potentially guiding mine. is this where I stop? before I get too far? before I trust someone and then they betray me yet again and it's just this vicious cycle of someone pulling the thoughts out of my brain that i've boxed up and kept to myself - and then they disappear?
i'll wait for him to fall asleep. because it'll happen right?
about the time he passes out, i'll pull out patch's speech - if I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon, or at least uranus. but if I couldn't do that at least I could use my penis as a pogo stick...and that might be a way of getting around. test to see if he's really listening. or if he's awake. (I don't have a penis, but if I did, i'd be doing the helicopter before I used it as a pogo stick)
I haven't unpacked much, with just getting thru intake questions but those questions are still a little deep. maybe just skimming but skimming enough that he knows more about me than I feel like he should already.
When I was a girl I would look out my bedroom window at the caterpillars; I envied them so much. No matter what they were before, no matter what happened to them, they could just hide away and turn into these beautiful creatures that could fly away completely untouched.