So here I am again, breaking my own rules...Dont write upset, especially don't write intoxicated, but I'm doing both. Why, not wait for morning? Honestly, this just feels too important...
Tonight I find myself in a situation that I feel every poly person eventually experiences. Today was a wonderful day, full of friends, music, fun, and yes, drinking. There I was, selfishly enjoying the day as all are entitled to. However, my day ends with the knowledge that my cherished partner will be presumably engaging in activities with another for the remainder of the evening...
I consider myself poly, and my partner is too. He has other poly partners and that is what poly is. All has been negotiated but that still doesn't make nights like tonight any easier, which is what has fueld this post. If you are poly, one day you may find yourself here (hopfuly managing better than I) needing to come to terms with what I am tonight.
Yes, I understand the spirit of Poly. Yes, I know that jealousy is natural and you have to consider such things in your dynamic. Yes, I get how essential communication and transparency is in poly. I also want my partner happy and unconcerned with my own emotional recourse, but here I sit, sad, defeated, lonely and feeling horribly inadequate as a partner.
I realize all these feelings are somewhat irrational but I can't help but feel that even the best poly couples face this from time to time. Again, here I am, raw and baring all, in the hopes that others may survive another poly day or even rethink poly all together.
Poly isn't just multiple partners and guit free non-monogamy. There is a price to pay.