As I float back and forth, being involved/not being involved, I’ve realized that I’ve taken some things and more importantly people for granted. I miss running into my friends and stupidly, selfishly assumed they would always be there. Now, when I am able to be a friend, they are gone! Some profiles no longer exist, some are quiet, some are just ghosts (there but only click the like button), so I wander around a bit lost.
Yes, I did it to myself, I own that, but it still hurts. It hurts deeper because of the guilt that it’s my fault. I did it. My intention wasn’t to disappear, but to get my self back on track. Finding some kind of path to follow, that makes sense to me and in the process of doing so I’ve lost what’s important, a connection to others.
I am still a mess, my headspace is wrong, and life keeps throwing some nasty curve balls! Hopefully I will only have one more week of work hell, so then I can focus on my personal life and what I want out of it. I do know that I miss my people, my tribe so to speak. In the meantime I need to do better, to make an actual effort.
I apologize to those that I’ve floated away from, it wasn’t done out of malice, but I know it still doesn’t make it right, not does it make it feel any better to either party.
5 years ago. October 20, 2019 at 2:26 PM
