EyesOnYou(sub female)

Rambling Thoughts and Inner Musings

Random thoughts and inner musings while going through my day to day life.

Frustrated, upset, confused and hurt

2 years ago. January 22, 2022 at 12:27 AM

I have so many emotions running through my head right now and I just needed to write my thoughts down before it consumes me. This is the safest place to do that...

So first, my vanilla relationship...before I got back on this site, I started talking to someone that I met through a dating app. Things started slow, we met in person, covid ruined our plans over Christmas, I finally had a couple weekends off but he's been dodging my attempt at making plans all week. So when we started talking this morning, things started going downhill with us and I haven't spoken to him for 7 hrs. He said he was confused so I gladly gave him space because I don't want to be strung along.

(Editing to add i started talking to this person on a site similar to this one.) Then there's this other person who I've been talking to for weeks as well. I just wanted to find someone who could show me what bdsm is really all about and introduce me to this lifestyle in person instead of attempting it online. I thought I had finally found that person until the weather had canceled our plans to meet this weekend. But all day, the only thing he has been talking about is me sucking him...is that all that's to this lifestyle? I know the answer is "no" but because I'm so inexperienced I have no idea what to actually expect.

Why is it so hard to find someone who genuinely cares or someone who at least tries to make an effort? Maybe I'm not cut out for BDSM or a vanilla relationship...

All I want in life is to meet that one person who truly makes me happy, whether it be BDSM or vanilla, I truly don't care or know at this point. But I really didn't want to start with me "lid on the bed with my mouth open" as he has so casually suggested earlier this week when we meet for the first time...

So on top of not feeling well because of the booster I had earlier this week, I had my entire weekend of plans canceled, lost the person who I've been talking to everyday since mid November, and debating on if I should just end things with the person I'm talking to involving the BDSM lifestyle...

Hence why I'm full of mixed emotions...it's not that I'm looking for answers, (although some guidance on how the initial first meet generally goes would be great so I would have an idea) this is just my safe space to rant and get my thoughts out...

TreasureMe(sub female){Belonging} - Hi hun. Firstly, I'll say that I appreciate your bravery and vulnerability to share openly here.

Secondly, there should be a foundation of friendship and trust before you put yourself in a situation to be sexually submissive to someone. If you want in person experiences, that's great. But some guys, especially ones that you find on vanilla sites, are really just wanting some chick to do kinky things with. Not an actual safe power exchange. So you should really be meeting in public at the very least on the first meeting, if not more. Have a safe call set up ahead of time. This is a person that knows where you'll be and you stay in touch to let them know you're safe. I would also spend time getting to know them in safe environments first. Go on dates. Take your time and build the trust necessary to stay safe.

There will be predators on every site. Its up to you to be smart, safe and take things slow. Also, don't take their crap to heart. Shitty guys will be shitty. 💩 Sometimes you gotta sift through the muck to find the gold. 💰

2 years ago

sensualsubb(sub female) - I feel your struggle. You are not alone. Xo

2 years ago

RedKat{Not now } - Comment deleted by poster.

2 years ago

Fyglia Wicked(dom female) - You need to do your research on BDSM it makes it easier to weed out kinktards who plague sites like this..
2nd you're letting your emotions go off of potential not what subpar men's actions are really telling you .
Actions speak louder than words

2 years ago

A Cloud(sub female){Owned} - "kinktard" 🤣 This word made my day. I still cannot stop giggling.

2 years ago

alawey(sub female){(OWNED BY } - I agree with things said above. Friendship , trust, honesty, communication are basically are concer stones in my opinion to ANY relationship.
Meetings for the first time should

1. Always happen in a public place

2 you should still have a safety call in place. ( I would also suggest to tell atleast two ppl about where you are going, whom you are meeting and when.)

3. I also dont believe in meeting a person even in a public place a day / or even a week after you start talking to them.

Research sites that are good: submissive guide and I like evie on youtube. I have posted some of her videos in the past.
4. Dominates and dimming a sub is so much more the just sex and sucking him.

2 years ago

A Cloud(sub female){Owned} - EyesOnYou - This journey is challenging, long and emotionally confronting. I agree with Fyglia, it seems your emotional investment is much stronger than these potentials. This is not a fault but an admirable quality; however, remember there are 'first love' feelings and these cloud your perception of how things are. I would also add to keep your expectations in check. Time, it takes time and patience. Take lots of time to learn you and what will fulfill your needs, wants and desires. I'm preaching again, so just ignore me or tell me to get lost - I would.

2 years ago

EyesOnYou(sub female) - Rant away because this is exactly what I need to hear!! Unfortunately, getting emotionally attached is a terrible trait of mine but the person on the dating app....I really thought we had something going good😔

2 years ago

A Cloud(sub female){Owned} - I understand this. I still don't trust my judgement in many aspects because I get so overwhelmed with those lovely feelings. I only recently admitted to myself that I have a romantic heart. Always been an emotional person, but romance.... love.... that freaked me out!

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts when you feel so connected and it doesn't work out. There are lots of blogs (on The Cage) and articles (as suggested) that discuss those experiences - they may help. There are wise humans here who offer support and advice. Having a mentor or someone you look up to is really comforting and worthwhile. Personally, I also like to gather information about human behaviours and psychology to put my own thoughts into perspective.

I send you a virtual hug and hope you feel a sense of belonging here. One more thing, be ever so kind and caring to yourself.

2 years ago

AdamDragon(dom male) - This is not what it’s truly like by members of the community who are real and true. Those weekend kinksters are wasting your time and abusing you for their own satisfaction.
Fist meetings take time and patience. Lots of communication and connection is key. Go beyond the desires of the physical. Go to the darkest depths of your core and your mind first. Your answers lie within those realms. If the participation is single sided, walk away.
Your inner strength is first to decide. 🌹

2 years ago

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EyesOnYou​(sub female)

Rambling Thoughts and Inner Musings

Frustrated, upset, confused and hurt

EyesOnYou(sub female)