I was doing my prep for the Bear Competition when I noticed that the judges were not listed.
I wrote the Daddies and was went a list this morning.
One of the potential judges is the head of a group here. We were leather family for well over a decade. Until Trump was elected. Then they changed. Or maybe I did. When they decided to ask the local bogot, homophobe, racist, to speak at their event. I called them on it. They ripped me up one side and down the other.
That was 3 years ago.
They are a local predator. I knew it and did nothing. I was complicit.
Last year at the post Bear competition luncheon I asked him to leave my space. He refused. I stood up to leave. He made like I was going to attack him. Saying "you dont want to do this". I bowed my head and said "of course you would think that." I was shaking and crying and calling him a coward. The Daddies had to ask him to leave.
I know I wont win. I get that.
The question I face is: can I still have joy with knowing I have to interact with them?
Can I keep it together?
Can I do my part here without falling apart?
Is it worth the emotional fight?
This competition matters to me.
Being a Bear matters to me.
Representing women identified Bears matters.
I will not let this person run me.
I decide.
I am staying.
Im just gonna need therapy afterwards.
