Losing someone on Cage, or within the D/s lifestyle in general is extremely difficult as some of you are already well aware. However, when you lose someone that you both thought was supposedly going to be your "one and only," that becomes much more difficult to swallow.
When it wasn't just someone that you were either training/being trained by, or only in a play relationship with, it is so much different.
When you honestly believed that person was your best friend, your lover, and your soulmate, and when that person told you the same thing it is so much different.
When you shared so much about each other's lives; The past, the present, and you made future plans together, it is so much different.
When you could laugh like crazy with each other but also cry so easily together; when you would stay up all night long every night talking about anything and everything it is so much different.
When you honestly felt not only in your head, but also deep within your heart, that this relationship was all you needed for today, for tomorrow, and for always, it is so much different.
However, one day with absolutely no warning you get an unexpected message and this person is gone from your life in an instant. But not just the D/s relationship, the entire friendship as well. Everything in that moment comes crashing down on you. All of the memories, the plans, and the dreams.
Losing that relationship was really very similar to a death for me. I had already had so much death and loss in my lifetime. I lost my mom when I was 3 to Leukemia and my dad when I was 18 from a heart attack. I left home and was totally on my own since I was 15. I lost one of my sisters to Ovarian Cancer. My niece drowned when she was 21 while studying abroad and she was one of my sister's only daughter. I lost my Uncle a week before this past Thanksgiving. He was always like the dad I never had.
I literally had to mourn the loss of this most recent relationship and that's a damn shame.
However, because of all of the previous deaths and losses I had endured, I have always been and always will be a survivor. It is all part of life and part of my journey as a Dom and I am a better person and a better Dom because of it.
Since this happened, I have done a great deal of self reflection and healing and I am doing so much better now. I have for the most part stayed away from Cage for a month now and I actually wrote this several weeks ago. Just to be clear, I am not looking for any type of sympathy or pity, I just felt the need to post this hoping that it may help others. Please be honest, faithful, and kind to each other. Sending much love to you all. MDG
