Is it better to never have something, or to slowly watch it turn to ash as it disintegrates through your fingers and falls from your clutches?
I have high hopes for people. The human race, individuality and growth of self. Every person gets to create their own path and until they prove otherwise, I do my best to not let historical patterns create a bias in me. In other words, people tend to follow the same paths of the norm; I want to believe that isn’t true, in some beautiful cases it isn’t, in most though, it unfortunately is.
A series of short stories, that may explain better than I could otherwise.
Chronologically:
I worked in an entry level position. From my very first day, I could pick out (as most can easily) the older gentleman that was the runt of the litter (not physically). The one who got picked on by all the other employees. Who was demoralized on a daily basis. It crushed me to witness. I reached out to him. I treated him with respect, only publicly – I never reached out to him personally in retrospect, perhaps things could have been better… bad experiences with “private messaging” people in the real world, something I am about as comfortable with now, and thus, keep to myself or keep things public… tangent! Oh my! Anywho. What happened to this person? Well, He turned on me. I humbled myself to him, and he became my bully. He joined in with his attackers, reaching for that self worth from his very enemies, to join them in mocking me. What happened? I outranked them all before I left that job, and I am yards ahead of each of them today. If you know anything about office politics, this included the “team leaders” (I use that term in job title only) and supervisors. I mention this for no other reason than it supports my Thesis above and self reflection below.
Next. I was friends with a woman. Who deservedly worked hard for EVERYTHING she had achieved. She was a force, I told her as much. (In the way I do) again, from a purely business persona, we weren’t outside friends, just office acquaintances, mutual respect kind of thing. She was promoted to Manager from senior analyst (I got her s. analyst job, yay me!). Almost immediately, she lost her sense of purity from fulfilment and hard work, and it became apparent her motives were much more akin to entitlement than anything else. Was it warped, or just always her underlying desire, I wonder? I do not assume to know; it is irrelevant at that point, maybe not so much for her future. I no longer know her, so further assessment cannot be obtained.
My last example returns from a well adjusted, confident woman, back to one similar to my first example of those who are oppressed and bullied, finding their voice, but ultimately not knowing how to handle their newfound “success” and their all together fear of it being taken from them; or the skewed way in which people think they have to live up to ‘expectations’. This one was just too much for me to handle, because it happened on such a grand and stomach-turning scale. I hate to group a whole “type” of person, but really, if you have experienced it, you will likely point at your screen and scream “THAT!”. I speak of a “club” setting. The one I have here, was called Toastmasters International; specifically, people who have self confidence issues that reflects in public speaking. Similarly it is honestly replicated in so many of these “cliques”... yes BDSM too… actually… a lot. An entire group of people who are not really leaders in their own mind or reality, given “responsibility” over a task or in this case “others” who get a taste of power of influence and become some megalithic, awkward, hostile, representation of all that started pure and opportunistic (The positive rendition of this term – not negative).
Long, I know. (This is about your half way mark. 5 Points to SLYTHERIN!)
I am hoping that it makes sense to some of you. I know it likely won’t to ones already lost to the chorus of fanatical approval. I spoke about my best friend recently (what even is ‘recent’?) who was so lost in her ex-husbands manipulations and degradations, but at the same time… has SUCH an EGO about her. Why? Because the moment someone tells her she is “awesome” (I do. That IS important – she needs to hear it… what she does with it is the problem) it goes straight to her head and she depends on that validation. This is not new, it exists everywhere in the Instagram’s, the forums and the tiktoks. Do I hate her for it? Hell no! I still love her. I am just blunt and honest. But guess what… I don’t hate these people either. It is just hard to watch them struggle, watch them take this light and steal its energy in a selfish way, instead of giving back to it or use it the way it was intended to be used.
It just seems like a dangerous cycle. We rise up and vehemently run out those who are overbearing because where THEY once were the open minded and supported discussion, are now only self-righteous authorities who cannot be anything less than the “experts”, for what ever the reason. Who then only allow conversation in favor of their judgement and direction to exist. Then AFTER, we have successfully run out these “lost souls” they are replaced with new visionaries, with new pure desires. And the cycle repeats. The pattern persists. Petulant and defensive about their perceived “Status” whether it exists or not.
I am not denying them their expertise. I will never deny they have interesting, wonderful and inspiring things to say on matters they have adopted. But some switch flips and they start coming out to ‘correct’ discussions or push agendas and objectifications that support their ‘prophecy’. It is the unwavering, overbearing way in which they build their circles and feed their biases and ego that is a slow descent into loss of the original sentiment: The leader, teacher, nurturer, or my favorite: Learner. I won’t go into how people also learn for the wrong reasons… so they can regurgitate it, not so they can be humbled about not actually being the expert in anything… I kind of did. BUT THAT IS IT! Not chasing that white hare.
I make no claims that happens ONLY for the reasons I stated. I welcome your opinion on other potential reasons for nothing but good intentions, to go so wrong. It saddens me, but I hold out; and hold on to benefit of the doubt. Because the few outweigh the many. I have seen them, they are beautiful. I salute you, I bow to you, and I commend you. (Maybe one day I wont be such a cynic and dedicate a whole post to your wonderful values and how your small flicker of light can vanquish so much of the darkness around us.)
The moral is:
In my life, I have come across people with good intentions, or at least, a desire to be thought of as “experts”. Be it because they want to be seen as a nurturer, teacher, leader. However possibly maybe just for the likes, reverence, or attention. I never claim to know their true intentions, just as in the beginning, I grant people the benefit of the pure side of the spectrum. Notice how each potentially positive desire can have an equally negative potential outcome? This is the fabric, I find, of this desire: let’s call it “Purist Syndrome”. The thing is, if you aren’t used to it… it can blind side you. There is a reason management is not for the faint of heart. It is the reason so many succumb to the stress and pressure of leading. How positions of power ACTUALLY change people. It is not suited for everyone. That statement is not a finality, anyone CAN get there. Some just jump in without actually being ready for it, then the greed and possession and inflation warp their views and prevent them from stepping out.
If that interests you. You can read more about the “Peter Principle” related in an unrelated way. https://www.investopedia.com/terms/p/peter-principle.asp#:~:text=The%20Peter%20Principle%20is%20an,a%20level%20of%20respective%20incompetence
Side note: KUDOS to those of you who have had the courage and insight to tether yourselves and take purposeful steps back in life – you are my unsung heroes and you are stronger than most! Stronger than I.
A little about my methods: How I think I fit into this pattern.
I do not often comment on blogs or forums that resonate with me. I do not tend to express my support, I do not (often) feel like I need to. This thought process is supported by the fact that regularly, when I am in support of something and try to encourage, it just falls flat or is misconstrued… maybe it is because people are naturally looking for a fight, or maybe it is because of the very reasons I stated earlier.
Don’t have more, more, than the original more-er.
To the complete opposite, I almost cannot help myself when I have questions about something (disagree, am inquiring, debating or testing theories) and this is where I tend to comment, (or here we are… writing a blog) it is a point of growth for myself, to learn something. Otherwise, if I resonate with it, I do not tend to need to write about it. This explains my absence as of late, I am so comfortable with things, life, paths forward (even though I am only just in the eye of the storm and uncertainty is still my every waking moment) that I do not need to ask questions aloud. I (feel that) my blog is asking questions, rolling around thoughts in my mind and asking for feedback. I love my blog for this purpose. Heck… even looking back at it, the only few self reflections that I *actually* hang my hat on (alpha submissive being one that comes to mind) I DIDN’T even WRITE MYSELF! I (with permission) reposted them. There are others, I am sure. The point remains, mostly I write when I am analyzing, or needing answers, or am rolling around a potential solution in my own minds eye and want that feedback that could alter my perspective… Where was I going with this?
Oh yes! I like to think I am cognizant of humility and checking my ego, of not being the smartest person in the room. Because I have experienced, felt, witnessed and shaken my head at the ones who are so close to holding that power in their hands, but ultimately fall short as the spark warps and consumes them, turning them into the very thing they swore they opposed… or maybe they never opposed that. Maybe it was their want all along. I was just too hopeful that they would use their powers for good, instead of selfish, self-absorbed, protective of only those they ‘approve’ of (there are also fun patterns there too!... another blog – won’t be writing it). Instead of being the beacon of purity, selfless nurturing, teaching and leading.
This has changed nothing. You have done nothing more than become the very thing you set out to destroy. (Dramatic conclusion much?)
Happy Drama Friday Everyone. It is a thing (also up for debate – Full moons!). Patterns abound!!
Also, disclosure, this is not a call out. I am sure it resonates with a few people. I would just say… maybe that is a good thing, self-evaluation is good. If you are questioning it, then I am not talking about you. Which makes this blog completely redundant! But maybe the ‘us-es” can have a little fun with it.
PHEW! This was a long one. Thanks for being here with me on another conFUSED Friday.
~Oracle
