Have you ever seen the show “My 600 lbs life”? I once talked to my therapist about something they said on that show… because it made sense… but I was never going to take advice from a reality television show. Anyways. Something that hit me like a freight train from that show: Is that people have enablers and disablers/manipulators.
Where as it is very good to keep people out of your life that want to hurt you, manipulate you and are toxic to your wellbeing…
There are then the people you keep in your life because they enable you. That is when you only surround yourself with people who help you hate yourself. The “yes” people. Who quiet down when you are hostile or retaliate and they never challenge you. They don’t want you to be better, they like when you are toxic. They just allow you to drown in your depression or pain, helping to feed it and validate your avoidance.
When you only allow enablers in your life, it is a reaction to the hyper vigilant need to keep out the disablers. The pendulum swings so far the other way, that you can no longer recognize people that want the best for you. People that will not enable you, that will insist that you are working on yourself, and that you stop making excuses and be your best self. That you are strong enough to fight the right fight. People that believe in you. Instead, like I have been, you think these are just more disablers; you accuse them of being manipulative; Of trying to gaslight you, because they are telling you something about yourself you do not want to, or are not ready, to hear.
There is little someone else can do for you. You can’t force someone to let you in. But I am, and will always stand strong against being an enabler. About allowing toxic actions to materialize in consequence. About accountability and failure as the ONLY way to success. Something I have lived! something I have proven! I don’t speak out my ass when I say the only way to success is the hard way.
Talking to my therapist, developing ideas, trying to see if this is a thing, and how to avoid it. Maybe I am a magnet, but I am starting to think that this community is a good place for people to come who only want enablers in their life. They want their word to be law and to never be questioned, never be told they are wrong, never be told the truth. We call them Doms.
This is not an attack on all Doms, ((though if you just got offended, that is your freebie that you should take a look)) I have only had experience with a handful; this isn’t necessarily about any of them either. It is a pattern… since NEWSFLASH… I am me… not my failed relationships. This is my thought process and journey. Though, as a submissive, I always hope that someone is out there who understands their role, like I understand mine.
I have been called disrespectful and manipulative; gaslighting and ignorant, all because I speak in a truth and demand respect in turn. This will have to be a different blog… because I am getting so tired of people throwing disrespect at me, when they can’t grasp the concept. When they see confrontation and communication as disrespect, and not the fact that they won’t even entertain an argument… anyways. I can’t touch that topic right now; it is still too volatile.
Do you want to see the difference?
It has been mentioned to me that all you can do is let someone be hurt, but not let it be turned on you. That you are allowed to defend yourself and ask for clarification without it being seen as manipulative.
There are some hints I am learning. When using the word “you” is manipulative and using the word “I” is guilt tripping; This is not a battle you can win, hell… you aren’t even playing. Nothing you do matters enough to be part of the conversation.
Because I suck at explaining things:
Here is a video that kind of goes into what people who isolate and depression can look like in those instances. If you are struggling with understanding the difference between a disabler/manipulator/gaslighter or an enabler, and someone who genuinely has your interest at heart… even when you can’t see it.
I think the entire Psychology of a Hero series is wonderful. Because you are strong and amazing, and flawed. It is here:
I think every one of us has something that can be learnt from this and this topic. I welcome your thoughts on it. There are so many walls being built today around everyone's ideals, that they never stop to consider... if these walls are protecting them, or hindering them.