I didn’t stop communicating with the guy once marriage counseling failed. I had fallen in love with him.
Any time I had attempted to express those feelings to my husband he belittled them and told me that I was nothing but a wet dream to the guy. He was too young to really love me.
I met with him once in my home while my husband was working night shift. I had secured him a job at the help desk at the company I worked for.
He came to me after the kids were in bed and made love to me. It rained. For some reason it always rained when I saw him. He left before dawn.
Eventually everything caught up with me and I explained to my husband that I just could not let him go. I received a hard slap across the face and I left for a few days.
I bet you may be wondering why I just didn’t leave or divorce him. If my brain thought it were that simple... I would have. At that time, he had me convinced that he could put me in jail for adultery... take my babies from me... I’d lose my security clearance ... my job... my cats ... everything.
So I let my love go. I became a shell. Husband stayed angry. He continued to punish me and had even more ammunition to do it... thanks to my choices.
Eventually he started to take his anger out on my son... he was only 2.
He didn’t hit him. He just would hold him by the shoulders and speak ragefully in that precious little face... simply because the boy was being hyper... or hit his older sister.
I could take him being awful to me... but not my boy. A 2 year old.
tbc
