Random Thoughts of a Wandering Sub

I got to have Daddy with me for Christmas! It was an exhausting holiday that is for sure. Moving 2 days before into our new house and killing ourselves to get it somewhat set up for Christmas. However it was worth it.

Daddy LOVED all the gifts I got him and it filled my heart that it did, though one gift was not for my benefit and when used will hurt like hell. Daddys gifts to me made the little in me jump for such joy! I love all the gifts Daddy gets me. He is a smart ass (I will get in such trouble for that) I had joked around about being 80 yrs old because of a pill dispenser he got me, so as a Christmas gag gift he gets me scented butterscotch oil, denture cleaner, a purple cane and a old lady mask, let's not forget the "Remember when..." booklet that's all about 1939.

Silly Daddy.

I loved it and my family still laughs at it.

I was sad he had to return to Seattle on News Years eve... I didn't get my first kiss of 2020 until the 4th. Bad Daddy.

Daddy updated my day collar. He changed the circle thing to one of a kitty! So kitty got a kitty!! I love the kitty things. A few weeks ago he got me kitty key chains for my keys in Tucson and in Seattle! (New picture of day collar is now in my profile)

Daddy surely spoils me, far too much lol but on Saturday I start my 2 weeks in Seattle with him, so I can spoil Daddy as much as I can now!

I have been blessed with an amazing Daddy, one who has my heart and I am so honored to have given him my heart. I am so happy that he is mine and I am his and his only.

My first holidays with Daddy was amazing and I can't wait for all the future ones we will spend together!

 My Daddy does a lot for me, so much. I appreciate EVERYTHING he does and all the wonderful gifts.

But the greatest, most special gift of all that he could ever have given me is my new collar.

What makes it so special and unique is he hand made it. By himself with me in mind.

With angel wings and handcuffs, (the picture is now on my profile) and my 3 month charm heart.

I love it, I wear it all the time.

It shows I am his, Always and forever.

I am my owners little and slave. Forever his and only his.

No gift could ever compare.

  Daddy and I have decided to turn one of his rooms into a play room! It makes me super excited *wink*. I have many ideas on what I want it to look like but I am wondering if anyone has any ideas to help? I'm thinking of a color scheme of dark purple and grey. I think red and black are over used. I want it to be intimidating for when you are in trouble but enticing for when you are not. I imagine implements hanging from the walls from more fun and loved ones to not so fun ones.

Maybe even a playroom music play list, so what kind music could that be?

Anyone have any suggestions would be great!

Okay, rant time.

One thing that seems to have become a habit is people are not reading profiles but sending messages. I love messages! If they are friendly. But getting messages asking me to be their submissive, or starting off talking all dirty...No thank you.

See, if you had gone a decided to read my profile you would see that 1. I am already owned, and 2. I am in a relationship. Now I know in this lifestyle relationships have many meanings. However my profile clearly states MONOGAMOUS. Not open, poly, under consideration, only protected.

Then when you proposition me and I tell you I am currently owned, you ask me why am I still on this site.

Like you know The Cage has more to offer then dating, right? It is also a place where you can make friends, read, reach out... Sure there is a personal's section but I have never even gone there!

So instead of looking like a fool, then trying to make me feel like I am wrong for being on this site... READ THE DAMN PROFILES!

Okay, rant over,

Thank you!

Where everything seems off, nothing feels right and your mind races with unsettling thoughts. And internally... I am just exshausted.

 My time with Daddy is almost up and just like every time we are together, it was amazing! The immense joy and self fulfillment I get out of caring for him fills me up with this beam of light. Poor Daddy was so jet lagged from his recent trip overseas so when he napped I did what kitty does best, I cooked for him! Lots of cooking.4 different meals that I am hoping will be enough to last him until I come back in a few weeks. Did some cleaning, not as much as I would have liked but there is always next time. He took me to go see Meredith Greys house from Greys Anatomy and inside I was completely giddy, on the outside I kept it cool. Daddy doesn't need to see that side of me,lol.

As a slave and sub doing what I do to serve him even if not in a sexual way is a very fulling opportunity in my life. Sure, sexual servitude is always fun and lord knows I enjoy it with him 100%. However, cooking, cleaning, massages even just listening to his day, his great moments and stresses... That brings a feeling that I can't even explain. Just knowing in some way, I get to help ease his life. When I am in Seattle with him I know I am leaving him completely set up and cared for when I return home.

Sure, these kinds of relationships should go both ways and for once I am able to say that it does. I do all these for him and in return I also have someone who cares about how I feel, sets me up to be the very best I can be. Holds me when I am sad, and even when I am happy. Explores more of this lifestyle with me, pushes my limits.

I know when some people hear Master/ slave what comes to mind can be intimidating and either you watched the beginning of 50 Shades or you have read some kinky books (don't worry, I have read them to) but those don't show the entire dynamic. It's not all "Yes, Master." and being there for HIS needs only. He is also there for yours, and boy is my Master always here for mine.

He mentioned something the other day that I am trying to not think too much on. First he said he will only have me as his sub for the foreseeable future but then he said again, he is thinking of being monogamous with me. Anyone who has ever read my blogs know what those words did to me.. but he is poly and he needs it. So i am telling myself that whatever Daddy decides I will try and accept it. Because as his kitty and slave, I only want his happiness and I know with whatever choice he makes he will always consider my needs and well being.

That is what this life is all about.

Tomorrow I fly to Seattle and get to finally be wrapped in Daddy's arms. 2 in a half weeks has killed us. Trying to fill the void with skype and texting is just not enough. I need him. I need to feel his body against mine, hands in my hair, around my neck.

I told him today we may not make it out of the airport and might need to find a dark corner. Kitty will not be able to make it to Daddy's home. He laughed when I said that but I don't think he believes me. I am completely serious.

In the last couple weeks our relationship has really grown. The need we have for each others touch and presence has increased and it feels amazing. He has become this person who completes me, makes me feel strong and capable. Even when my moods drop he knows how to bring them back up and make me smile again.

I have come to realize some things while we have been apart.

1. He makes me stronger.

2. I am able to give him so much he has never been able to have before.

3. I have really found my forever love. The kind of love that makes your heart skip a beat, goosebumps, butterflies in your tummy. Even when you just sit alone and think about it, it brings a smile to your face. The kind of love that makes the world less scary because you will always have someone by your side.

I found it. I must have done something right to have been given the gift as him.

He is my Master, my Sir, My Daddy..... he is my always and forever.

When your night of work Is so terrible and drags you down so much all you can do to keep your sanity is to fantasize about being wrapped up in Daddys arms and feeling warm and safe and loved..

6 more days... 6 very long days..

 When a realization kind of smacks you in the face and it's finally not in a negative way..

 Last night as I was talking to a friend of mine who is going through some problems she had asked me how I was doing. I couldn't answer her. Not because I didn't know but because she was dealing with so much I didn't want to make her feel bad that my life is "looking" up.

 Then that's when I had realized, things really are going very well for me.

 Usually I am riddled with stress. Wondering how I am going to get this done, pay this, figure this out. I've worked 2+ jobs at one time because life has made things very difficult for me. I have worked at my current job for 5 years, bent over backwards for a company so unappreciated it's really just disgusting. Some would say I have been through hell and back, and sure to some I have. To me, there is always others worse off then I,even in my lowest moments.

 Then last night, when I wasn't able to share in my friends self pity (she really was in self pity, but she decided to be a hoe). However, I wasn't able to join in on the "well this happened.", "I don't know how I'm going to handle this." Or even, "What am I going to do?" And honestly, it was really nice.

I am not even close to where I want to be but I am finally headed in the right direction, and that is something I really can not say I have ever been.

We all make mistakes and our actions cause reactions and consequences, Mine, mostly consequences.

 Because of this realization I didn't sleep well last night. (it will be a very long day for kitty) I kept thinking about all that I have to be thankful for. Perfect timing for the upcoming holiday.

1. It seems like this mood stabilizer is actually working. I have gotten some concerning news and I am able to emotionally handle it, the right way. I am starting to feel...normal again.

2. My family, they have been an amazing support system. Encouraging me to finally better myself, do what I want and not put my dreams on hold anymore.

3. My daughter, even for how much she runs down my patience, she is amazing. He dreams and goal astound me, her caring nature makes me feel like I have really done some good. She keeps taking my stuffies, we need to work on that.

4. My love, my knight in shining armor who delivers out the best naughty spankings. He is really what I am most thankful for. The choices he is making for me...It's.. I've never had someone go through so much, do so much to insure I will be okay, I will be where I need to be. He has stood by me in my darkest hours, even when I was not the nicest person, even when he should have ran away because... well my crazy came out strong. But no, he was always there. Showing me his support, his love. Him sacrificing so much for me. It's all so new to me and I am so thankful for him. Getting me out of the unappreciated company and helping me get into something that I hope to flourish in. Ad he doesn't ask anything in return from me, he doesn't have to. I give him what I can, Me. My body, heart and soul is his. I kneel for him without question. I love him without question and I care for him without question. What I can give him is in no way a comparison of what he gives me but it's a start. Every day I hope to make him proud of me, be what he wants me to be. Take away even some of his stress and show him how he should be loved and adored, how he should be served and cared for because even with out all he does for me, he deserves to feel this way.

 My dream is to be able to show everyone who is here for me just how grateful I really am. That what they are doing and helping me with is not in vain. I couldn't be more happy, I couldn't feel more loved and it's nice to feel like I may actually have deserved to feel happy all along. My stormy days maybe behind me and the future looks clear and beautiful.

 When a piece of your heart is on a plane to go overseas the emptiness is real. 11 days until I am back in Daddy's arms, wrapped in his arms of safety and love, my home...my safe place.

Until then, I focus on my assignments. I be a good kitty and make him proud of me and I miss him like crazy. I hold Mr. Grey and Albert ( My stuffies he has bought me) for comfort and I fall more in love with the man who owns my entire being everyday.

11 more days

11 long, long days