Firecracker Diaries - A combination of stories, random thoughts and an appreciation log of life with Daddy

4am goodbyes...

I lay here alone in a hotel room feeling the sadness of our goodbyes...but also very grateful to have my Master call me his.

In a perfect world I would be able to be with him always...but we have to manage in the world that is ours. My Love works hard for us...he sacrifices his time away from us so we can have a good life. So we can take the trips, have a little fun when he is home...so I can have all the little things that I like to have. All these things I am so grateful for...but I love being able to spend time with him more.

I’m thankful that I can come to see him on the weekends now...to be able to snuggle and hold each other even just for a little while is so worth it. Breaking up the amount of time apart to 4-5 days at a time is so much better than 20 straight....but I still find myself in tears as he left this morning.

I love this man...so much more than I even believed anyone could ever love. I will lay here a while longer taking in the last of his scent before I head home for another 5 nights without him. Already looking forward to next weekend.

Until tomorrow....

Made it to him...

Packed up the vehicle, loaded our cat and headed to him. It was an interesting drive on a road I had never been.

The last 2 and half hours were dark so I couldn’t see the beautiful country I was driving through...but it gave me time to think.

I thought about everything that we have been through and where we are. I think we are still growing and building our love stronger and stronger. Finding our harmony in the little things we do each day and when we are together. I still feel it’s so important for both of us to focus on the relationship and our Dom/Sub partnership. Sometimes if you let it...life can change the focus from each other. I think that it’s very important to keep each other and the relationship very much in the top of your mind...to ensure that everything centers around growing and building an everlasting bond.

Crawling in bed with him and letting is warm radiate through me is magical. No matter how long it has been or how short...my body entwined with his is worth whatever lengths you have to go or mountain you have to climb...it’s priceless.

Until tomorrow...

24 hours!!!

In 24 hours I will get to be in my Masters arms! Or should I say he will be in mine. He is under the weather and I need to be there to take care of him.

I will get to spend the entire weekend with him. Even though he will be working...at least I will have the nights with him...snuggled up to him.

His birthday is coming up next week...and since I can’t be there on his birthday...I hope to make the weekend before and after special for him. I’m taking him a special surprise tomorrow that I hope he loves!!

This man is so special to me...my absolute world. All I want to do is make sure he is happy. I hope this birthday is rememberable...

Until tomorrow...

Just trying to be happy...

The hardest thing in my life lately is trying to find happiness when I’m not with him. There are so many factors that figure into this...and I have let so many things interfere with that.

I’m genuinely the type of person that is easy going and very easy to get along with. This has often brought me to situations where I get used or taken advantage of. I care about people and honestly wish the best for people...even people that I don’t care for. I don’t like conflict of any sort...and avoid it at all cost.

But I’m tired of being unhappy or sad when he is not around....I’m done with it. I’m done. I wont allow outside influences to change my joy.  It’s important that I care about myself and ensure that I don’t allow things to change my mood when I can’t control it. All I can control is myself and the situation that I am in.

I want to be as happy as I am with him every day...whether he is with me or not. Happiness should not be defined by anyone except for me.

Until tomorrow....

Lonely bed...

I’ve dreaded tonight all day. It’s just not the same without him in the bed.

The time I get with him during the night is the most precious to me. Even though we are sleeping...just to be able to roll over and nuzzle him...or feel him softly petting my cheek...feel his breathe on my neck...hold me tight when I have bad dreams...hear sweet words of love.

We he has to go...bedtime is most dreaded time of the day. It’s when the truth of is absence is real. No hiding at work...no busying myself with chores, gym or TV. The reality of loneliness sets in and I toss and turn. Can get comfortable...stuff all the pillows around me...cry.

I’m so grateful that I can go to him in 3 days. This will be so nice to not have to do 20 days straight. I can go to him on the weekends. We are in the same time zone so I can talk to him before I go to sleep and when I wake up. This is much more manageable than before when I knew I had 19 more nights just like this...now I only have 3.

Until tomorrow....

Back to reality...

I was able to keep him 13 days. All with me...even when I had to be in the hospital...at least he was there. But he will leave in the morning. The only saving grace is that he will only be about 5 hours away this time...and I can hopefully go see him on the weekend!

I love our life...but I sure do love when we are together even more. My world feels complete when we are together. Like I’m breathing the right kind of air. When he leaves I always feel like I move into a zombie state...just going through the motions to get back to having him home. Just wading through the moments...

I’m not complaining though...we have come a long way since we started. We are able to spend quality time together now...and since he gets to stay in the area...I will get to go see him on my days off! No more having to wait 20 days to just see his face!

Now to just play the lottery and keep my fingers crossed so we can be together always!!

Until tomorrow...

Beautiful day...

Getting to spend time with your love and it was totally unexpected makes it even sweeter. And having it start off with a surprise that leaves you in tears is truly a blessing...and something that was so amazingly wonderful that left me speechless.

We got dressed up...went to a beautiful brunch...saw an some amazing sights...enjoyed some couch time...had an amazing mid afternoon pleasing of Daddy...and an evening of movies watching together and a wonderful dinner.

I really needed it. Just to do things together that really connected us...without even trying. For me to be reminded that this man does love me and thinks about me...and I have no reason to worry.

Our lives become more beautiful every day...I can’t wait to see what the future holds. Happy Easter!

Until tomorrow...

Day to day life...

It’s been hard for me to get back into the swing of doing my day to day tasks that my Daddy requires.  Some of it has to do with just getting out of a habit...some of it has to do with being so wrapped up in my head lately about how I look. Questioning myself on whether or not I look ok...do I look old...does he still find me attractive after seeing me at my worst??

Ever since I was in the hospital...I have been super needy. Wanting to just be cuddled by him. Wanting lots of attention...and very sensitive. I’m sure I’m PMSing along with a ton of drugs still running through my system.

I have to find a way to get out of my head and get back to the girl he fell in love with. The girl that he wants to dominate and own. The girl that amazes him daily.

I just need to find my groove and get back to believing I look good. It was just a huge blow to my ego and it affected a lot!

I will be better...I am better!!!

Until tomorrow...

Im back...

Sorry for the extremely long delay in my blogging. It’s been a whirlwind of the last 10 days!

So Daddy arrived and we had an amazing night reconnecting and worshiping each other’s bodies. And within a couple of hours of us falling asleep in each other’s arms....I was up in pain with my tooth.

I had been to the dentist the day before...but the meds weren’t working. So the next day I go back to the dentist...swollen face and all...and the give me new meds...stronger meds. We then set out on our trip. We drove about 6 hours and then stopped. I was in pain and tired...Daddy did everything her could for me.

The next morning...which for me seemed like no change since I had not slept. Pain was constant...and my face was now double the size.

We headed out to our destination...6 more hours. I was miserable...and extremely embarrassed of how I looked. Daddy still took care of me...once we arrived we went straight to the emergency room. I was admitted and stayed for the next 2 nights!

So here I am in a city that I know not a soul...supposed to be meeting his family for the 1st time...and the situation was not allowing him to stay with me. Sitting in a hospital room ugly, in pain and alone. Probably one of the lowest moments of my life. Daddy did what he could...it was what it was.

Finally I get out. Get

Myself together as best I could and head to meet his family. Everyone was super nice and tried hard make me feel welcome and not self conscious about my still swollen face (but much better). It was nice...

We decide to stay an extra day since I haven’t seen anything other than the hospital room....he takes me out and shows me some beautiful sights...and spend a little more time with his family...it was nice!

So being out of sorts for that many days...i missed my assignments. Daddy was forgiving for a while...but after I started feeling better...the patience with my not completing my day assignments was gone....and the other night I paid for my lack of completing tasks.

I now have no more breaks and feel so so much better...you can plan to get my blogs regularly!! Oh...and Daddy is getting to work in our area...so hopefully we will have only a few nights a week away from each other!!!

Until tomorrow...

Without Him Day 19

In just about 24 hours I will be picking up my love from the airport. Now if my body will just cooperate with the excitement that’s inside!!!

I have a terrible tooth ache ...and a little bit of swelling...but I got to the doctor today and started meds...so hopefully all will be well by tomorrow night!!

I can’t disappoint my Master on his first night home!! I have to able to perform and remind him what he has waiting for him after 20 long days. I want to be able to show him just how much I have missed him.

I’m so ready for him...you have no idea!!! No release since he last had me!! Ugh...I need him badly!!!

And we have such a great week of things planned! I’m meeting his family for the first time and vice versa...I have to be at my best!

Come on meds...do your thing!!

Until tomorrow...