love is not something than can be forced
You cant make yourself love someone
and
You cant force Yourself not to love someone
it is impossible to will emotions
in and out
of existance.
And lets face it...no two people are identical....and it's impossible to have identical relationships with two different people. So any rule that demands that someone love two people equally is absolutely absurd.
If you love one person more than the other it would mean that you have to hide it from the other.....or....fake similiar feelings for that other person....and that would be totally exhausting....And some people (libras for example) are sharp enough to catch on. For them they are not likely to feel like staying for very long.
Sometimes you will hear this out of a person claiming to be poly...."This is how i am - if you dont like it ...leave." It is a common attitude and it means that the person who is spouting it at you has every intention of controlling your part in the relationship/s and no intention what so ever of explaining themself to you. In the end you may figure out that you were allowed to go along for the ride. Again....can you say exhausting?
So the primary and secondary language crap is totally designed to be a relationship smoke screen. You will find that the person driving the relationships will drive using their personal rules of the road book and the sooner you figure out that the book is subject to their interpretation and revision when needed the sooner you can get off the trip.
"We want to add a woman to our relationship" STop right here and think. Be very careful as you navigate this part of the relationship. At times we have all heard a couple whose vanilla marriage is on the rocks announce their plans to have a baby....to add one to their relationship. sound familiar??????? What they may or may not tell you is that they hope the new baby/person will strengthen their relationship. I dont know about you but for me its a lot of unneeded pressure to be added to a couple with them expecting the addition of "YOU" to fix their relationship issues. Use your brain.
So now that ive been a complete bitch and torn this all apart you might be wondering if there are any benefits in poly relationships. Yes if someone is really unique and has their shit together and can make everyone involved feel validated and special. Ive met very few of these. Generally there are great benefits only for the person driving the bus. managing the relationships. THEY choose the other partners not you. but you and the other people choosen will have to learn to work with each other to do your best to have a viable civil relationship while you are both together at times.
RED FLAG right here if you are added and expected not to form any attachment with the others when you are present at times with the others.
Personally i think its time for women to see that there are perks to being the person driving the bus instead. Then as the driver YOU decide who gets to be a play partner of YOURS. And You can decide other stuff like if they can play with others. And You can edit the rules of the poly book you use when it suits YOU. You will never ever find another person exactly like you with your likes and interests. so.....Cultivate relationships where people have a few or even one of your interests. Find a dinner buddy. Or a movie buddy. Get a few sex play partners well and throw in BDSM ..but what YOU like cause its YOUR way not anyone elses way. You can decide if your other partners ever get to know each other or NOT. But Give everyone their sliver of YOUR life and enjoy your special relationships with them during the special time YOU allow them to have with YOU.
Oh and as a submissive....you can have as many play partners as you want. Up front tell all of them that you do NOT want a collar. And also tell them you want NSA.....No strings attached. That way.....You dont have to answer for yourself. You dont have to tell them where you are going and what you are doing and who its with. just tell em....i have plans. and thats the end of it. Ladies hold the power in Your hand.
Pursue pleasureable activities with the person of your choice when You want to and when you are done with them...send them on their way until you need em again.
If they want to buy you stuff or do things that are going to improve your quality of life......LET THEM. and dont forget to thank them profusely. Turn on all Your charm then. Make them really feel that you completely appreciate what you did for them.
Figure out how to make POLY work out to YOUR advantage. My youngest son is a very wise man....he keeps reminding me that i have control of the pussy and the tits. Ladies....its true You control your Pussy....use the power.
Well and lets not forget now........The goal of BDSM relationships of course.....is to find play and love (if you are lucky) with persons that have common interests with You in BDSM and that you have good chemistry with.
Day after day we sit in chat and tell one another about how our past relationships have failed. Lets stop the insanity right now. Its time for stuff to work out to OUR advantage.
