hey everyone!
so i had no idea what a can of worms i would open with my last post but here we are.
and yes most folks seem to be looking for their Domly or their sub or slave.
there are many things to consider and be aware of and ill try to help here if i can.
First of all......get yourself a journal or a simple theme book like the kids all use in school and dedicate it to your search.
Take the luxury of a couple of pages....and.....write down what you feel you need in a relationship....keep it simple and explore what you are looking for and write it down so that when you are in the heat of the moment and talking to someone that you might actually end up in a relationship with....you can speak intelligently about your needs and wants and hopefully avoid misunderstandings between you both. more about needs and wants in a few moments.
Now life choices. yes i am not a young chickie and neither is my Sir a spring chicken. But Sir knows His stuff and i have been completely and thoroughly content and happy with Him. He has shared emails written to Him by other subs and i have come to some conclusions which i will share with you.
There is some wisdom in the saying about there being a season for everything. There is the time for your childhood, and overlapping it is the time for your education and then so on ...marriage, children, and when you go through certain trials and periods in your life they are all like seasons. our life changes as we go through different periods in our lives. everyone who is serious about achieving some form of the lifestyle may pursue it at different times of their lives. and that is all fine ...there is nothing wrong with deciding when is your time. but there are things to consider.
When you find your plus one....you want to be your very best, your most desireable and you want to be able to focus on them and the relationship without other distractions. and that means have your education completed or at least have that bachelors degree, have a job working in your field of expertise ...pull yourself together. And lets face it....by the time someone has that degree they are way more mature then when they started. A college degree is life changing. Try not to be a financial mess either. No one really is thrilled to take on someone who brings a lot of debt with them.
I have heard my Sir tell young women to finish their education and get a job and then contact Him and He will talk to them then.
So back to the journal or notebook. Once you figure out what you are looking for in a potential plus 1. Then write about what you need for yourself out of a relationship. Need might be you need the other person to be poly because you are interested or feel you are poly. Or you need them to live close because you know you cant do a long distance relationship. Write about other stuff that you may not necessarily need but that you want down the road. stuff like you want to relocate where, some ultimate goals.
And keep your journal handy so you can pull it out at times and refer to it. If you participate in chat and you have questions that dont get answered write it down.
If anyone chats with you and you liked them....write down their name in your journal and write down your impression good or bad.
If you have your act together and know exactly what you want your chances of finding it are much better.
In my case i didnt know about poly, found myself facing a long distance relationship and i knew NOTHING about submission or the relationship i would enter into down the road. Problem was i never believed in love at first sight. I felt that love grows and that you grow to love someone. Was THAT a mistake. Suddenly i discovered i had fallen in love, had no control over it, He was poly and we were gonna have a relationship with 1500 miles between us. For me it was like having my own personal pandora's box and opening it without a clue of what lay ahead. After fighting the fact that i loved Sir deeply i ended up realizing that i could not walk away. I fought jealousy and all kinds of insecurities for a few years before finally accepting that a relationship with Him was gonna be what it was. Suddenly one day i realized that i was going to have to work and work hard...because having this relationship with Him was going to be worth the effort. my new motto was...anything worth having is worth working for. and it was true.
So yes i did not find a completely ideal relationship at first. but i can tell you that my hard limits such as no poop or urine, animals, minors, needles and blood have always been followed. If you find yourself speaking to someone seriously who happens to admit to you that they have ignored a subs hard limits you need to think seriously about this. chances are if they did it once they are likely to do it again..and chances are it would be against you. And so Run away dont walk. Hense why you NEVER EVER give personal information early on in the relationship. Cause now you would have to block them from everywhere they can contact you. And figureing out how to block in facebook and yahoo may end up being a pain in your ass. so avoid it...dont give out any personal information early on.
Another totally big danger signal ...a very serious one is mental illness. The rule of thumb when someone is just beginning to take a psyche drug for any reason is that it takes 4 to 6 weeks to achieve a therapeutic level in them. And even then it may still not work and they may need to start over with a new drug. These are fact. If someone is schizo or bi-polar and not taking their medications routinely ...you better think twice about playing with them. In my life they dont even get sex. When people dont take their meds routinely its known as being non-compliant on meds. Anyone speaking to a new prospective person has a right to be able to enquire about whether the other person is on psyche meds. Of course people can lie. And they do. I once knew a sub who claimed she took one extra pill and then slipped that she was airlifted. People who get airlifted are seriously ill....not sure taking one extra pill qualifies for that.
I wish i had a buck for every time someone has disclosed to me that they arent taking their meds. they were feeling better and dont need them. and its bullshit. if you have a diagnosis and medications are prescribed to you to help you control an illness its your RESPONSIBILITY to take them as directed. And im very dead serious when i state that...no one regardless of what disease or illness they have.....has the right to expect some Domly or sub or slave to come along and micro manage them to the point of forcing them to take their meds. Bottom line is ...if you are not ADULT enough to fucking take your own medicine then you have absolutely no fucking business expecting to have an emotionally deep relationship with another adult because emotional personalities can change drastically when you are non-complaint with your meds. You have no right to force yourself un medicated on someone else. You have no business even pursueing a realationship while you are not yourself. You would not like it if someone did that to you.
TPE- means total power exchange. if while you are talking to someone and they tell you that want TPE you had better damn well know what the hell they mean. If you agree to TPE you can be ordered to sever your family connections. Your time on the internet can be cut back. If you agree to TPE and you move in and live with them then if for instance you are planning on visiting the grandchildren for christmas you can be told you cant go that they NEED you to stay home and spend christmas with them. While talking and before you accept a collar you better know exactly what you are agreeing to.
Very early on in my experiences i traveled to Ohio to live full time with a Dom. It took me a couple months to realize that He had a Parkinsons diagnosis. And when he and i were talking about the terms of our relationship he had a spaz fit over something small and got me to agree to be His slave to make amends for some silly thing i had done. Its the oldest trick in the book getting someone to agree to be a slave instead of a submissive. But down the road when this man looses control of his body and is still mentally alert he wanted a slave that would have to care for him so he wouldnt be placed in a nursing home. Dont be that stupid. And it shows you that i made mistakes at first that i learned from. My current Sir ...its different...if He needs me to nurse Him...i will. thats the difference that love makes.
Every so often i hear of a sub who has a new Dom but the problem is they havent heard from them in such and such a time and then no phone calls only texting or skype or blah blah they are sending the Domme money and she never seems to have time for them.....smarten up. Dont send anyone any money not even if they call it tribute. Dont send anyone any sexual pictures of yourself. If someone wants you to skype and wont skype back..dont...they are using you so they can masterbate. Bottom line is ..if some request makes you uncomfortable...then DONT DO IT. There are no cyber police. if someone is pissing you off making demands of you and you dont want to do it...then dont. just leave..and leave them hanging and if they try talking to you further block their ass. No one will see you out in real life and whisper ...theres that sub that leaves when an ass hole bothers them. make this about yourself. dont let the idiots use you.
and now the slave and submissive stuff. a submissive can have limits and can set boundaries and refuse to do stuff when they really dont want to do something. a slave cannot. a slave is expected to do everything their Dominant demands. A submissive can have safe words.....a slave may not. In my personal opinion starting out a submissive is a great thing. You learn about what you like and dont like to do. what can get you off sexually and what cant. what thrills you and what disgusts you. Do all the exploring you want. NOW once you have had great experiences and have that once in a lifetime relationship with a Dominant whom you can totally trust and follow then by all means explore becoming their slave. but make that decision WITH your Dominant. Have that journey as a deepening of your relationship with your Dominant. have it be something really special between the both of you. Make it a memorable experience. Becoming someones slave is a deepening of your submission, its very primal you really tear yourself down to your innermost being when you become a slave. really be aware of what it can be for you.
and through it all make your journal your best friend. write everything you experience down on its pages. and may the forces of the universe hear you and send you someone special.
Peace and good luck
