I am sitting here watching the sunrise before I have to start getting ready for work. It makes me think. Though I am always thinking... my head never turns off.
Who am I as a submissive? How can I find her beneath the layers of life? I am 27. I have been through much and my submissive is buried under all of it. My last post I received many encouraging words that made me smile, as well as advice from others and I can't thank you all enough for it. Because of it I am ready to move forward with things. Move forward with discovering more of my submission. I know who I am (to a degree - I am still young after all) and I know submission is what I desire. Because I desire serving. Through out my life I have given, given, and given some more. I have been taken advantage of and drained because of it. I had never asked or expected anything in return but of course it hurt when I never got anything back. It's exhausting. It makes me cautious. It makes me not particularly like.... people. I am a lone wolf (that gives me an idea for a new nickname. Yes I will change it, per everyone's advice. Just need to find the right one)
I desire serving, I desire being wrapped around his (whoever he may be) finger. I desire pleasing and caring and loving. I also desire getting it back in return (to a degree. I am a sub after all... I get what he thinks I deserve). I desire worshipping someone as if they are my one and only god. I also desire being worshipped in return for it. Being worshipped for giving my power away.
Perhaps wanting to be worshipped is a little dramatic. But previous relationships and the gross amount of neglect have shown me what I DON'T want. But wanting to worship is certainly definitely a strong desire. Natural to me.
So my tasks for myself. Think on this more. Think on who I am as a submissive and discover more of her. Also think on what I desire to have in dom. Perhaps that will be my next post.
I rambled. I apologize. Now I have to get ready for work. Good day everyone.
-no one special (though maybe a little special haha)