Accessional diary of a dyslexic dom.

So I can not say too much about this, partly because I don't know everything, and partly because I am not sure if the people involved would want me talking about it (not that they will ever know, but I do not normally like to blog about other people). But it is playing on my mind and I just want to write a bit about it.

My nephew is 20 (so he is an adult) but he has problems. On holiday, in Amsterdam, he disappeared for a while. There were stories about drugs and him hearing voices. I hoped, at the time, that they were exaggerated, now I think that they were not at all. He got back to the UK but he would not go home to his parents. He had some idea that they had done something (?) my sister was (and is) in such a state.

He is home know and getting medication but he is still in pretty bad shape. I just keep remembering how cute he was when he was little. 

People might find this hard to believe (or maybe not) but I have a hell of a temper. Sometimes I can completely loose control. I also do not handle stress well, I can get moody, angry, depressed (I wont go into too much detail). However, although I am still sleeping badly, I am feeling much calmer at the moment. Last year and earlier this year I went through a lot of stress but, at least for the moment, that is all settled. Also I have a little money in the bank. Not a lot but I can afford the accessional take away, this and that. Books, CDs. Not that I'm loaded, but poverty is surprisingly stressful.

When I moved from London to Wiltshire a friend moved, at about the same time, to the same place. In some ways she is a really good friend but we fight a lot and nether of us like fighting and it got to a point when (I think) we both felt that it was not worth even trying to make up. For a while we did not speak at all but recently we started talking again. What I have started to see is that she is a vehicle for stress. She get stressed, about things that I can now see is unnecessary, she used to make me stressed (leaving other people out of it) and I feel so much better now that I am not involved in all that.

So I don't really go anywhere much, just to the shops, for walks around the block. I paint, I have little projects, things I need to do, ordinary things. I chat to other people why live in the building. I am "playing" with a sub girl, or I was. She has not messaged me for two days so I am wondering if she has dropped out, but she might just be having trouble with the last "task" that I gave her.

A lot of the time I am too tired to even leave the house, but I don't really feel stressed or angry, except maybe sometimes at five in the morning when I can not sleep. Politics, of cause, worries me, but I am more hopeful than you might think.

So, by my standards, I feel surprisingly relaxed, but then stress is out there, trying to find me. Maybe I am just on sabbatical from stress. Most of all though I wonder if the price of stresslesnes is isolation. Is it just some people who cause me stress or people in general (I would like to say present company accepted but not sure if I can) and don't get me wrong, I am sure that I am as much the cause of the unpleasantness as the victim of it. Sorry now I have forgotten my point. Ow year; somewhere out there, is there a group of people who can offer me basic companionship but, at the same time free of stress? and if there is, what would they think of me.

I have not really proof red this, so sorry if I have just written flibble seventy times. Also poor spelling etc (the word serch IS suffering from stress).

You would think that putting a purpose made object into your anus would be easy enough, However it seems like every where in the BDSM world health and safety all ways turns up. I was researching but plugs today (as you do) when I came across these articles. I thought it was worth share a part of them.

Once, I opened my lingerie drawer to notice that a rubber vibrator had leaked pink dye everywhere. If unsafe toys can stain my underwear, what else can they harm? As xxxx points out, "Cheaper toys might be made of chemicals that can leach into your body."

According to the xxxxx  anything that's silicone, borosilicate glass (Pyrex), or stainless steel is a good bet. xxxxx suggests beginners select silicone over glass or steel, as silicone has more give and is easier to insert. All three materials are nonporous and so can be thoroughly cleaned after use. Butt plugs made of hard plastics and acrylics, on the other hand, are porous, meaning they can become hotbeds of bacteria from your GI tract, which is neither safe nor sexy.

But not all butt plugs are created equal. Even though I initially liked the plugs I purchased, I quickly learned that they were made from PVC and had a jelly-rubber core, two materials that often contain phthalates, which are chemicals used to soften plastic so it's flexible. Although phthalates are found in everything from shower curtains to plastic wrap, exposure to them has been linked to hormone disruption, so many experts don't consider sex toys that contain them body-safe. In fact, after only a few months, my first butt plugs melted into a disgusting tar-like puddle after sitting unattended for a week or so during a warm season.

So there you are. I think that silicon plugs can be bought quite cheaply.

1. Yesterday I passed a women in the street who was trying to save a very small snake from being run over. At first I thought it was a big warm, but it was just too big to be a worm (she called it a long worm). Eventually she picked it up with her hand and put it in her basket. Outside of the zoo I have never seen a snake before.

2. It rained like hell all morning, here in England, I think it has stoped now but I am still wondering if I should be building an ark. (I know I used that joke once before, but it is worth repeating).

Recently I have noticed the term "newby" being used in a sense that is derogatory and bordering on abhorrence. I am alarmed by the possibility that this term might incapsulate me. In my defence I have not messaged anyone on the Cage (although I have left a few very timed likes on some profiles) but I have on other sites. If no one minds me asking, what exactly (in this context) is a newby and how does one become. . . Whatever the opposite of a newby is (an old wasp maybe) if one is not suppose to be a newby to start with? Is this a bit like being a freshman in American collages? 

I can not seem to focus on reading words today (this is OK as long as I don't proof read it). I am sure there are some good blogs but I just cant seem to focus on them.

In case you don't know a Haiku is a type of free verse Japanese poem, There is an ongoing debate about Haiku: A lot of people feel that it is a three line poem written in 5 / 7 / 5 syllable structure. Example.

I am missing friends

and the Simpsons on TV

not such a good day

The debate regards the strictness of the 5 / 7 / 5 syllable structure. I quite like the structure but my understanding is that the original Japanese poets did not care about it very much. For one thing I do not even think that they have syllables in Japanese writing. I have even seen two line Haikus.

So thats quite interesting.

Could not sleep at all last night. I spent most of it playing a computer game that involved herding sauger into varies cups (harder than I am making it sound). I slept from very late afternoon to four PM. Woke up feeling miserable and unwell. The kind of misery where I have lost the will to do anything about it. I am lying on the Sofer, the man downstairs is playing his guitar, I think he is sitting in the garden. Usually I tolerate his noise because he is such a nice guy, but today I am finding it quite pleasant. I could play a CD but literally non of my CDs soot my mood.

All the food I have is cereal and oat cakes, and I am almost out of milk (actually I just remembered I have some micro meals that I can eat later). In short I must go to the shop. I am missing Friends on TV. That sounds like the first line of a haiku. 

I really do try to keep politics out of this but, at the moment, in sunny England. I mean really fuck fuck fuck. Thats all, just fuck fuck fuck. If you do not like the F word then stay away from British politics.

I am so happy I found the Cage, although I sometimes feel like a bit of an intruder, as I mostly blog about insomnia and things that annoy me. So far however I feel perfectly excepted here. The Cage is the opposite of everything ells that I have found on the internet. Kind where the rest are mean, happy where the rest seem angry, friendly where the rest seem. . . and so on.

Every now and then however I find a blog that is unhappy with other blogs. Mostly however I can not find the "bad" blogs". I find the ones that are unhappy but not the ones that they are unhappy with. This all ways seems rather strange, almost surreal. 

Freedom of speech is a problem because, as soon as you try to turn it into anything specific, it is not freedom of speech any more. If you have a right to say anything than I clearly have a right to object to what you say. If you use your freedom to object to someone ellses freedom (no matter how good your reason) then they are equally entitled to ignore you. Within freedom of speech there is bound to be a danger of a downwards spiral of negativity. In preventing this kind of spiral you inevitably limit someone ellses free speech.

To me personally the most important thing is to preserve the cage as a "nurturing" environment (others might disagree). In any case I have a short list of rules when blogging. They are awkward and sometimes vague rules, but they are useful guides to me.

1. I do not blog anything that is obscene.

2. I make a conscious effort not to offend anyone or cause bad feeling

3. I do not tell stories that are not mine to tell (obviously not including celebrities, people who are dead or stories that are all ready common knowledge)

4. I avoid blogging about politics, religion, ethics, where it would be divisive or offensive

5. So far I have felt no need to debate with anyone. When I do, I will do so politely and coherently, rather than resorting to insults and mud slinging. (actually there are exceptional situations regarding this rule).

There might be more but that is all I can think of at the moment. Within these guide lines I blog anything that I want to (and will continue to do so)

As all ways garbled / spelling/ etc (the spell check really had to work hard on this).

Things that I like, that I slightly feel that I shouldn't (but then again what the hell).

Junk food

pornography

Haley mills 

Family guy

American sit coms

Chocolate (confectionary)

sleeping during the day

coffee

forgetting my age

musicales (some, not all of them).

G strings and low at the top (I think they might be called hipsters) jeans

I am sure there is loads more but that will do for the moment. I might come up with more later.