I put this in the forum, then I thought, lets put it as a blog as well, why not, its quite interesting;
First however I hope that this does not come across as kink shaming. I think that everyone should do everything and anything that they want (within obvious limits). I just am not sure if I fully understand it.
When I first got seriously into BDSM I did not worry too much about why the other person wanted what they wanted, just as long as we were both getting what we wanted. Then I thought I understood that submission was about hormones or theremodes (or something). Pain brings these chemicals into the body, and this gives you a better orgasm (again or something). I have also come to understand that if orgasm is denied, then it is better when you get there. However my observation is that there is a lot of denial in BDSM and, to someone like me, who still does not quite get it, this seems to defer the object.
In short, I thought that the point was to get the best orgasm posable, and maybe I was wrong.
But also I just can not see how denial is erotic. I was going to suggest that why not deny something ells, and let them have orgasms, but what? Denying someone food or the toilet is not exactly enticing and taking a favourite position away might just make them depressed.
Sorry; this is still very confused, but hope it gives a slightly clearer understanding of my question.