“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
— George Bernard Shaw
Life is weird. Or maybe it's just my life that is weird.
Once again, I have been hit from several different directions by different questions, different facets that all boil down to the same thing.
Never assume that anyone can look at your ass and read your mind.
If you aren't communicating, then all the information another person has to go on is their own fears and assumptions. Sometimes aided and abetted by other sources than you.
Be truthful and forthright when you do communicate or else once the other people figure out you aren't, then they will disregard (or at least doubt) everything you say thereafter.
Listening is just as important as talking (or reading is just as important as typing) when it comes to communication.
If they repeat the same thing two more times in the same conversation, they are looking for some confirmation that you understand and aren't finding it. If you've given them the confirmation that you understand and they are still repeating it, then consider that you may actually not be understanding what they are trying (perhaps ineffectually) to impart.
By the same token, understand that questions asked for clarification are a sign that they are trying to understand you and work with you! A sign that they respect and value you!
Not communicating, holding something in that you want/need to say, is not only a sign of lack of trust, it is disrespectful to the other person. An indication that you don't think they can handle it. But, odds are that they can handle what you are not telling them better than finding out that you didn't respect them enough to tell them.
Awhile back (on a different site), I was something of an unintentional behind the scenes instigator about a forum thread discussing the differences between honesty and transparency. And a lot of really good discussion came out of it. (I categorically refused to participate for reasons that I prefer not to be transparent about, but enjoyed following it.) In a nutshell, though, what it boiled down to is that honesty and truthfulness when something is shared should always be observed, but not every person you meet is entitled to know how many squares of toilet paper you use to wipe with.
What was missed, in my opinion, is that there is a problem in the obverse. To wit, if you are giving someone that transparency and then become opaque and vague in the same or similar matters, then what is communicated is that you are not what you once were. I considered that just a given until someone once dear to me wondered what had happened to us. The answer was simple, of course. The communication we had once shared had dwindled to nothing until I got the idea that I was no longer relevant and wandered off. What was communicated to me was that they no longer cared about me any more than a mushroom. (Kept in the dark and fed on bullshit.)
What was actually happening, from their viewpoint, was that, at first, they didn't want to worry me. Then, there was so much water under the bridge that they didn't want to discuss all of it. A point of critical mass was reached where they didn't know how to discuss it all. And the eventual result was that this person that I knew everything about became someone I used to know that I no longer had any idea what was going on with them, even who they were, in just a few short (but eventful) months.
All of which could have been avoided if they'd just said what was happening, given me the respect of believing that I could handle it, while it was still a small thing, before it grew to the insurmountable obstacle.
Don't hesitate! Communicate!
It's always gonna be easier to keep communication going, no matter how hard it seems in the moment, than it will be to restart the flow once it's been dammed (or damned).
