Last night was one of the most amazing, touching, comfort filled nights with my Daddy. We hadn’t seen each other since I had been sexually assaulted by a man in the vanilla world over the weekend. Being covered with bruises from another man I felt used, abused, and ashamed. I still did, and still do partly, blame myself for the incident and I felt like I had let Daddy down.
I was nervous for him to see me. To see the marks on his body that weren't from him. To see his body marked by another. But I had to see Daddy. I had to feel secure in his arms again. I had to feel his strength, his control, his care. It was less about a want to be controlled as a need last night.
When Daddy arrived I shivered in expectation. I couldn’t even contain myself and greet him kneeled I had to have my Daddy in my arms. I forgot about punishment, I forgot about what was correct, and I did what my whole body had to do and embraced my Daddy. When that collar was placed on my neck again, this time with a lock on it, I felt complete. I felt safe for the first time since Saturday. I no longer felt exposed. I felt secure, contained, held. I was at home in my Daddy’s arms.
I tried to cover up as much as I could but the bruises on my arms were evident to Daddy and I saw the pain in his eyes as he saw them. I felt ashamed again and all I could do was hug Daddy and say I’m sorry. He then held me and whispered so gently, “It’s not your fault baby girl.” I know Daddy is right in all things, always, but it is so hard to believe it’s not my fault. So Daddy had to tell me over and over again.
As he inspected the rest of my body, something I hadn’t experienced with Daddy and which makes me super self conscious anyway, all I wanted to do was cry. I knew the marks left on my body were no longer from Daddy, but from an evil, manipulative man who treated me like an object. It broke my heart for Daddy to have to see this. I was convinced Daddy would hate me and walk away. Leave me un-collared, and alone. But he didn’t. He held me. He had me tell him what happened, or at least what I can remember, and he held me so tight I could feel his heartbeat. I felt truly loved. I mean Daddy and I haven’t been together long enough for it to be love, but it was the most love I had ever felt.
Everyone else in my life had blamed me for being drunk. Had blamed me for ever going. But Daddy didn’t. He held me. Without saying a word he made me feel like everything would be okay. Even if it wasn’t now it would be. He made the world stop spinning and made me find my center. He made me feel cared for, whole, unbroken, undamaged. He made me feel like he would never let me go. To me that is love. And one day I hope I do truly fall in love with my Daddy. I can’t wait for the day he holds me, looks in my eyes, and can tell me he loves me.
Then something unexpected happened. I had been a brat for a few days and definitely had punishments waiting. But when Daddy saw my bruises from another man, saw the pain in my eyes, he skipped punishment. I know I have it coming to me, but for him to not punish me right then, when I know as a Dom it is something he feels the need to do. It filled me with joy. Not that I don’t want to be punished as I like to be put in my place, but he denied a piece of himself for me. To help me heal. To help me feel safe. I mean we played, in other ways….and part of it was punishment—like, but more about pleasure. Then I just got to lay with my Daddy. Be with him. Feel held by him, cared by him. It was a moment that made our connection so much stronger. And I definitely feel like I’m falling for him.
I never thought seeing a soft side of a Dom would turn me on so much. But knowing the man who can force me to my knees and force me into submission with his power can also bring me to my knees in admiration, awe, and love is amazing to me. Now seeing Daddy’s bag of toys which he had planned to use and knowing those will be coming out in the future excites me and reminds me of his power, but feeling the softness in Daddy’s heart made him not just my Daddy, but my man. Like I say every single blog and will say until the end of times, I am the luckiest baby girl out there to be able to look into my man’s eyes and call him Daddy.
