Random Stuff

 I am asking for advice for a friend (they can read this and see your comments)

    If you are in a dynamic, and you have come to the end where you guys are no longer in sync with each other and decide to part ways, but when parting ways, you decide to set an end date to your dynamic, and agree to remain in the dynamic until said date.... would it be wrong for the Dom/me to continue to claim the sub as theirs and you are expected to do the same until said date, not allowed to start seeking another Dom/me, but they have started seeking your replacement behind your back?

Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated by them.. thank you in advance

      Soooo... here i am... mind racing.... a million thoughts a minute running thru my head. Cant sleep... can't stop thinking!!

    I was content stepping away from the lifestyle. I was content taking a break and just focusing on me. You were content just being u and not focusing on finding anyone yourself. You were content on just finding and making new friends. Somehow, someway, for some reason we ended up running into each other again and starting a conversation. 

     From that single conversation, it lead to more conversations. Then it led to chatting away from the Cage. Then it has become a whirlwind of emotion and a connection i would have NEVER imagined. I smile everytime I see your name pop up on my phone. For the first time, in a really long time, I have felt butterflies in my stomach just from talking to u. (I honestly forgot what that felt like). U give the attention that I crave. You gice me a feeling that I can't quite explain💖

You make my heart grow fonder for you with each day that passes, and there's not a day that goes by that I have to sit here and wonder if im going to hear from you because I already know I will. Your smile is contagious. Your eyes are stunning.. Your humor and witt are out of this world, and your personality is just so freaking amazing! It doesn't matter how bad of a day im having, you make it brighter and dont even realize it. The connection we have made is almost breath-taking and im glad that we are where we are. 

   I just want to say thank you. Thank you for opening my eyes to a bigger picture and opening my eyes to a bigger horizon. You are a pretty special person and im glad you came into my life. You know who you are (even though you don't read blogs😈😈😈)

Credit given to Alpha Wolfe. 

“So, I've been trying to think of ways to engage the cage a bit more. Chat to more people and such. 

I was reminded today of an old thing people used to do, or maybe they still do, called AMA (Ask me anything). 

So here's my idea. You (whoever you are) can ask me three questions. As general or as specific as you want. I'll do my best to answer all, but if it's something I reaaaallllyyyy don't wanna answer, I hope you'll understand. Open to comments or messages.

Maybe even keep this idea going and do your own AMA.”

This is actually pretty neat! Thank you Alpha Wolfe for starting this!!

   I guess I will just make a blog to answer everyone's questions at the same time. 

  Yes, my profile has changed. Yes, Im stepping away from the lifestyle for awhile. No, it has nothing to do with this site. No, it has nothing to do with a sub. No, it has nothing to do with another Dom/me (Yes, I have been asked that too). But dont worry... you wont get rid of me that easy, Lol. I will still be around and still hang out in chat. I have met too Many amazing people from here just to walk away. 

    The reason I am putting the lifestyle is to better myself. Im going to go back to school. And as most already know... I have panic/anxiety disorder that has caused Agoraphobia, so I also want to work on overcoming that as well and also work on getting healthier and growing my business.  So... until I can get a schedule and routine down, I feel its better to step back so Im not neglecting my sub.

 I will still always be just a message or kik Away if lm needed but not around and if you don't have my kik but want it... all you have to do is message me. And Ill be just a txt or call away to those who have My number. But I will come back to the lifestyle once I get myself worked out.

  Hugs to all and Ill catch you around in chat, sometime...  Maybe... Lol

  This post isn't lifestyle related but its a real and ever growing occurrence these days. Its always been a weak subject for me, even though I had never experienced it thru My friends or family....... until today.

   This is NOT a sympathy post by all means! This is just to help raise awareness. It seems like more and more you read or watch somewhere that another person has taken their own life and it truly makes me sad, even when I have no clue who that person is, but I know that each and every single one of those people had family and friends who loved them and cared about them dearly. I am even guilty of being one of these people who always ask "Why couldnt someone see something was wrong?", or "Didnt anyone notice a change in said person?".

     After today, I will no longer ask that question, or wonder "Why". I will just sit in silence for a moment for the person who has taken their life, and pray for the family that lost them. Today, I learned what it was like to be the family member who lost a loved one to suicide, and today I was able to answer my own questions. To the ones who were like me, and have these same questions, my answer is this, there really aren't any signs in most cases. Yes, My uncle had PTSD from serving in the military and going on several tours, but also, My uncle was being treated for it and was in a pretty good spot in he's life and he leas happy daily and ALWAYS wore a smile on his face. Yes, I do blame the PTSD and alot would say "Well there was your sign" or "You all should have Kept a closer eye on him since he has it".And you know, everyone is probably right, but also, My uncle was at a point where he was loving life. He became a proud papa just 2 months ago and was loving every minute of it. He had a new girlfriend that he got along great with and they were so good together. He were a smile EVERY day and laughed everyday. He called to check on other family and friends daily. To anyone who knew him, would tell you that he was the happiest he had been in a long time. There were no signs that his PTSD flaired back up, or that he was heading into a hole again, or anything. He even got up this morning with a smile on his face, kissed his girlfriend goodbye, and headed out the door for work. But in the short amount of time from leaving for work until his lunch break is when it all changed. He never made it back to work.

   Suicide is real, and it is the realest in the ones who seem the happiest. Theres no answer for their "why" that anyone else will know except them. In most cases, there are no signs that someone is in trouble, or that someone feels so bad inside themselves that they feel the ONLY way out is to end their own life. All I ask from anyone who has read this blog to this point... Please ALWAYS check on family and friends on a daily. Please tell your friends and family daily that you love them. Please don't ever put off visiting or calling a friend or family member.... and most of all...

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE... if you ever have a gut feeling to call someone or go see Someone, DO IT!! That phone call or visit just might be what they needed to live another day! Usually when your gut is tugging at you, its for a reason! And don't take a Single day for granted!

   Just so everyone knows... sorry I have been afk for awhile... first it was life tht kept me away.. then as I was working on being able to come bck full force again.... now I have officially caught whatever bug this is thts going around. I dont think it's the flu (knock on wood) cuz rn it's just a bunch of coughing and of course feeling like crap, but no fever or n e thing... even though it's going only day 3... but I'm hoping tht I'm at the hump to where I start to feel better instead of get worse cuz I really sont know how many more days I can go without sleep due to coughing... on top of my insomnia but hopefully I will be bck alot more soon!! 

   I miss u guys and hope everyone is well and things r good!!

     Xoxoxoxoxo

   I'm not writing this blog for sympathy and I'm not writing this blog for attention, or to have people feel sorry for me. I am writing this blog because I k ow there is someone else out there who is already having a terrible start to 2020 and I want to say tour not alone, but if I can manage what this year has already thrown at me, I think you can get theu whatever your going thru as well. 

My back story... I suffer from panic anxiety disorder tht led to agoraphobia that started in 2002. I am thankful and fortunate that I am not COMPLETELY housebound, but I do have my "safezones" and limitations. As of right now, I cant even travel from one end of my small town to the other because it causes a massive panic attack. Something I have learned to live with the past 18 years and not something I'm proud of or like to brag about. When meeting new people and they invite me to do things or go places, I usually just make up some excuse instead of explaining WHY I cant go. Having this disorder has made me a pretty negative person in the sense that I always look for the worst outcome in almost all situations. I apply for a job... I probably wont get it because im not good enough. A guy flirts with me... he is doing it for some other reason than he truly likes me. A friend or family member doesnt talk to me for a period of time, I automatically feel like I've done something wrong to upset them or something. (Even though I already know I havent). And anyone who suffers with this disorder know exactly wht I'm talking about. It's a hard issue to tey to understand because you have mild cases and then u have severe cases... even worse cases than wht i live with on a daily basis. Some people cant wven step foot outside of their house... and even some who cant even leave a specific room in their house.

Now to the present: so far, 2020 has seemed to have brought me nothing but heartache and pain. Now, when i say that, I'm not referring to the relationships i have with friends and things like that. I appreciate every single one of you that are here for me and have been here for me. You guys have made bad days great, been able to make me laugh when I'm upset, made me smile when I'm sad. You all are amazing and a very important part of my life. What I am referring to is the past 10 days or so have been super rough for me and some do know everything I have been thru but most do not. Now, the sole purpose of this blog is to possibly give someone else hope that no matter what your going thru... it can and will get better. I'm living proof. If this blog helps even just ONE person, then my mission is accomplished. Here is a recap of the past 10 days of my life.

   For 8 of the past 9 months I was having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact tht I was going to be a grandma at the age of 37. I sure wasnt quite ready for all that, but obviously I had no choice in the matter. At the end of November, beginning of December, I finally came to terms with that fact and started embracing it. Spent quite a bit of money for my new granddaughter for when she arrived. December 30th, i get a message that it's time, she is n labor. Oh boy... here we go... I'm sooo ready for new baby cuddles. On December 31st, I learned that the whole entire pregnancy was faked and there never was a baby. Yes I know, it is crazy and unbelievable and yes, even though that's my daughter, I do feel they both need mental evaluations because that isnt right or normal.

Then, January 2nd or 3rd, I learned that my stepdads cancer has returned with a vengeance and there is nothing ANY Dr. Can do to help him this time so now it's basically just a waiting game for him to be called home to his final resting place. Then, yesterday,

January 7th, I started having symptoms of what I thought was just my anxiety messing with me because my anxiety levels have been pretty high the past week or so (who would have thought!!) But this time they werent going away, and were quite different feelings and sensations then any other normal attack so I made a trip to the hospital. When I first arrived, the staff thought I was having a stroke and immediately went to work on, me running tests and all that fun stuff to try to figure out what was going on. Thankfully no stroke or anything like that. Diagnosis was way too much stress and I needed to get it under control before it did become a health issue. 

Now... the main reason for this blog... some are reading this post (if you have made it this far) and who k now what is going thru your mind, but... out of all of that... this negative Nancy has finally seen positives in her life. So far, this year, anything that 2020 has already threw at me, I have been able to find a positive for. For 18 years, it has taken me sooo long to find a positive in any situation I have been in, but this year... this year seems to be different. 

The baby: yes, i finally came to terms with being a gma ro find out i never was going to be one in the first place BUT... because of that, i will now be able to be ok with being a grandma from the very beginning when it actually happens and enjoy the whole pregnancy instead of dwell on feeling "old".

My stepdad: yes he is dying. There is nothing that can be done BUT... now that we know, we can make every min of every day count and make very special memories to hold on to once he is gone. And to know that when his time has come, he is going to a better place and will no longer have to live and suffer in pain and agony and will finally be at peace.

The hospital trip: even though my stress levels are thru the roof right now, that trip led to the discovery that I'm healthier than what I should be (Dr.'s words). I've been a smoker since I was 12 and my O² levels r still 99 and 100 (definitely time to try to quit while I'm ahead), my heart is fantastic shape, all blood work came bck excellent, and even my urine, of all things, was healthy. (I have a poor diet and live off of pepsi and dr pepper and water is my enemy, lol). 

So what's my point, you ask? My point is this... if you can find just ONE positive in every bad situation your in, then you can get thru ANYTHING your going thru. I spent 18 years of my life NEVER seeing a positive in anything, and here I am, when life is throwing everything at me at once and trying to break me down, I can sit here with a smile on my face, knowing that I'm going to be alright. I'm a fighter, and from this point on, I'm not going to let ANYTHING stand in my way of happiness and the things I want in life. I honestly cant tell you WHAT made me see that one positive in each of the situations I've been thru this past week or 2, but all that matters is that I did, and it has made a world of difference. 

If your still with me, and you are having a hard time yourself... PLEASE... PLEASE reach out. I will be here for you and help you to the best of my ability and I'm sure that there are others as well that will be there for you. You dont have to fight alone and even when you feel like your life cant get any better, it will... just ride thru the storm and wait for the rainbow at the other end. Its gonna be well worth it. And if you have made it this far, thank you to everyone who has been here for me and has checked up on me. Your concern does NOT go unnoticed and it is GREATLY appreciated... from the bottom of my heart... and I love each and every one of u and couldnt ask for any better friends!! 

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

   I just want to say that I am thankful for this site, and all the true friends I have met here. I'm thankful for the dynamics I have made here, including the ones that didnt work out because those helped me grow and learn even more. 

  I am thankful to the friends who have had, and still have my back no matter what. Some of you have been a better friend to me then some of the friends I have in rl. And i thank each one of you for that.

  I am thankful for the dynamic I am in currently. Sometimes it truly is a blessing when the past comes back. (And for the ones tht noticed, I did have to edit my collar today but it's the same person. Ppl just thought it was someone else lol)

  I am thankful for the ones who have came into my life and have shown me nothing but love and respect since being here, and have never stabbed me in the back, or try to pretend to be someone they aren't to impress.

  I am thankful for tht special someone who came into my life by accident and who has been truly amazing from the start. You truly are an amazing person and I'm glad things happened how they did.

 Most of the people that I have ran into here are absolutely wonderful people and very nice to talk to. Yes, there are some, and probably quite a few, bad apples here, but sont let that stop anyone from continuing their journey. 

 This lifestyle is a beautiful and wonderful life, and I'm glad I'm a part of it and the community that comes with. I have had myself my fair share of instas here, but as long as you know what to watch out for, and be patient, they really weed themselves out. Dont ever give up!!

 Thank you All for accepting me and and making me feel welcome since I have been here!!

 What happens when you start falling for someone you aren't suppose to?

What happens when it starts with one message sent to "clear the air" about something?

What happens when your ONLY suppose to be just friends?

What happens when they tell you they are falling for you? 

What happens when a title gets in the way?

What happens when the situation is confusing and your not sure how to handle it?

What happens when you get lost in each moment you spend together, and forget about everything else?

What happens when you dont know what happens next?

What happens when they tell you that they want to show you things deep within that they havent shown to anyone before?

  Welcome to my world right now. I'm kinda stuck right now, not knowing where to go with the next step or what step to take next. Honestly, theres only one issue out of the whole situation that could make it feel complicated, but I'm sure something could be figured out with that. Ooooo... what to do, what to do??

What happens now?

(Oh, and for anyone wanting to k ow, I'll have my premium back when I can ever get my dang card figured out. I didnt block anyone or anything. That's why you cant bond me🤦‍♀️)