Sub Steam

Did that title catch your attention. Caught mine too, when I was informed tonight that I was a "fruit loop", "crazy", and a "true bitch". All because I wasn't up for CHEATING on my Daddy Dom.
Now this is going to be a long read intertwined with a little bit of a rant and a lot of confusion, due to my own mind telling me that I was in the wrong. I received a message tonight from a male asking me if I wanted to "have some discreet fun". There are those on a side, most of the time the female side, or submissive side, that tend to get more of these messages than the other side. Sad fact of life but its true, and no I'm not saying that Dominants and men aren't preyed upon as well with these things, its just more frequented on this side. I say this because I have male and Dominant friends and their inboxes aren't quite as busy as mine. Its frustrating. I don't normally get so fired up at these messages, I normally politely decline and move on with my evening. This guy though, I think, it was due to the fact that he knew. Its all over my profile. All the key words. MONOGAMOUS. Not polygamous. Nothing wrong with polygamy at all. I have seen the day where I tried it. It didn't work for me. There's only one owner on me, his name is there, in both places as my Dominant and Daddy. I don't state in my profile anywhere that I'm searching for a playmate. I thought my profile was clear. Maybe I'm mistaken. All that being said when Dom>>> I wont put his full profile name up here messaged me ....
"Im in corydon until thursday if you want discreet fun. Ill pay for fuel or whatever!"
.... I was a bit appalled to say the very least. A bit of background, before I found, and married my Daddy I was married for almost 15 years, then he cheated, numerous times. Broke our family apart, kids suffered, I had a mental breakdown, cheating is murder. There's a difference in an open marriage, polygamy, contractual understandings, etc. Its the betrayal that is murder. My opinion. My belief. My trauma. You don't have to agree, that's what makes us all so unique and makes the world turn. So me being me, I responded to the blatant disregard for my boundaries and respect of me and my Daddy. No he doesn't know me, and there are people that say he doesn't owe me respect, I disagree. I believe EVERY individual deserves respect even when or if you don't believe the way that they do. Respecting our fellow humans has become a thing of the past and the world is suffering for it. Now in my response, I was actually quite judgmental and disrespectful of another group and I'm ashamed of it. However, as apologetic as I am, I'm not a liar. The judgment and disrespect comes from my own experiences and trauma and I was triggered. I live by the YKINMKBYKIOK (Your kink is not my kink but your kink is ok) rule. So I replied...
"BDSM/Dominant/Submissive/Daddy/Little.. it’s about trust. Full trust and consent. Consenting to things you wouldn’t trust just anyone to do to you. It’s about a bond, and if that bond is broken, if that trust is broken, it’s just the same as some pathetic vanilla relationship that can fail at any time cause someone wants to fuck around and find out. Clearly my profile says I’m submissive, so no I’m not some pathetic Vanilla with a kinky side that will take you up on that. Some people value the sanctity of who they are. Boundaries are set, just as they were in my profile. You crossed them. Zero respect, zero trust, and you can imagine my opinion of this message and the one behind it!"
I believe every word of what I wrote. Some people are on here to get their kink on, some are here to prey on others, and some actually live this life religiously.
Now I am NOT submissive all the time. I work in the medical field and I have to be firm in the position that I'm in, a leader. I've always been a leader, I have ALWAYS been in control because I learned from a very very young age that if your not in control bad people hurt you and its dangerous. I'm a firefighter. I have to maintain that same thought process during emergencies. I am a mom of, like a lot of kids (most are almost grown lol, so I'm really holding onto that control) lol. The only time I allow the loss of control (notice I said allow, cause I know I cant control everything), is when I am with my Dominant. It is a safe place, and he can quieten the 1,000,000 thoughts that are running through my head at warp speed at any given second. Now, his reply is where the brain washing comes in...
"Crossed what? I just asked if you wnated to play? Fucking crazy ass people i swear😂 it was a simple fucking question. I didnt need a lecture from some fruit loop whos so wrapped up into living a fantasy she looses her sense of real life. My bad. But your a true bitch😂"
Interesting. No, buddy, not a bitch. Your profile name has "Dom" in the beginning of it. You claim to know what that is... LOL. Not living a fantasy, just because I believe in a way of life that you clearly have zero respect for. If that were the case we could call out every religion, culture, and ideals that others live by. But I choose respect and information. Not lost my sense of real life, I made a contractual agreement with a collar in August of 2019 with Scoobydoo (LOL Scoobydoo, weird calling him by his screenname), a ring in 2020, and a wedding vow the following year. True Bitch, depends on who you ask... however I dedicate my days and nights to assisting those in need, sometimes even above my own families, with both of my jobs. I feel guilty for it every time those tones drop. I try to be kind to everyone, even those who doesn't deserve it. I actually do believe in magic and goodness in the world and I try to be a force of good because I feel like the world needs it. I don't like drama, and I like rules and guidelines. I like respecting others, but I do believe in standing up for others and I'm learning to stand up for ME. Daddy was going too but, again, I don't like drama and I asked him if he would leave this one alone. He can't fight all the creeps. Maybe I overreacted but I take my lifestyle very seriously. And when boundaries are set and no mixed signals are given, you don't get to call someone crazy or a bitch. Unless its Daddy and he's pulling my hair lol. 

I am laying in bed alone tonight.

Nights alone allow time to reflect, time to self care. I lay here and reflect on all the scenes that we have had together and all the ones I'm looking forward to having.
Although of all the fun I've had one thing stands out in particular. The way your voice sounds when you shift, the shift from Daddy to Dom. The way your voice gets deeper, rougher, and firmer. The way questions aren't questions anymore, but demands. The way it makes me feel as though its not my needs being met, but yours. The feeling that nothing else matters except what you want and what I can do or let you do to me to please you, to serve you. The fact that it is a need to serve you and please you buried inside me being met also. Being completely out of control and trusting you to take it all. It quietens everything inside me, allows me to focus on only you, forgetting the world around us. Focusing solely on the pain inflicted and the need to feel you, to hear those words "Good Girl".

You still give me butterflies and make me all melty. Your voice, your demands, your groans, and heavy breathing... you will never know what it does to me. It really does make me want to be in position on my knees waiting there all weekend just for you to walk back through that door.

I miss you tonight, but I always miss you when your gone. I look back at the time we spent from the moment we first met (here) living this relationship long distance to where we have made it to and I don't know how I ever made it not having you beside me each night. The days and nights were so long waiting for your calls and texts while we both lived our lives together but still so separately. The last two years have been such a change and absolutely amazing. No, not all peaches and cream I know. They have been worth every minute though Daddy. These two weekends I'm alone every month, remind me of those days, going to bed and waking without you, make me appreciate the road we have traveled. The over the phone playtime, the intense play sessions we would have those cherished two weekends a month, the connection that we couldn't ignore, all those just made my heart stronger. I never wanted to love you, I had no expectations of you genuinely loving me and I think that's why I fell so hard. We started this relationship with honesty, complete and brutal. Limits were known, the "what ifs" were vocalized, expectations were clear and not obscured by feelings and complications. It was a contractual clearly defined relationship. You had no intention on getting married nor did I, we wanted a connection with each other but not love. I think it was that openness and honesty that I fell in love with. Your charm helped, of course, that and the fact that we were open sexually about what we both wanted. I was honest about what I would do and not do, although there isn't much is there lol. And you were clear about your expectations. We matched because of that honesty, because we were both over the games, hidden agenda's, and trying to impress someone. I needed your guidance, your kindness, your structure, your unwavering sense of strength. When you popped up on my screen that night 3 years ago I was a very broken person, at least I thought I was. It was you that showed me my own strength. I never dreamed I would feel safe submitting to anyone, but it was you. Its always been you. With you its natural, and I have cold chills running down my entire body just writing about it. We may be exhausted most of the time, our lives are excruciatingly busy but I love that I still have the desire to put on whatever little outfit your in the mood for (or surprising you) when we can get the timing right. I love that you still make me so wet just thinking about being with you, and that when your in bed with me no matter evening or morning I'm always ready for you when you need me. It still blows my mind that we met like this, with a particular relationship in mind, then an 8 year plan on moving in together lol, only to end up married and completely in love and still living this dream of a lifestyle. Its been a learning curve for both of us (I know I'm not easy to live with or even love) We have made mistakes and we have learned from them. You are still my rock, my strength, my constant, and infinitely my Daddy. I miss your touch tonight, your arms around me, your fuzzy chest against me, your lips on the back of my neck, and the way your legs tangle into mine. I miss the way your rough warm hands feel on my body. The way you tell me goodnight. I know your sleeping and I know this is long, but it was over due. This site got us together and I still cherish our blogs, the written journey of "us", the reminder of where we started. I love you Daddy. Sleep sweet.

I said I’d never do it again. I had zero intent on ever doing it again. You changed everything, and it all started here. So it only makes since that I tribute to you here as well. It’s no secret that I’ve been yours since that first night we spent together. Two completely different worlds. An 8 year plan on being together no longer being viable as we couldn’t wait. 8 years becoming 3 and 3 becoming 2. A few months out from a massive planned wedding, we ran! I know our countdown said December, but again we couldn’t even wait that long. Since the day I met you Daddy I’ve been yours, we wanted it in every way, and now heading home from an amazing wedding week… I am…. Your wife, your whore, your princess. With my rings on my finger, my collar on my bouquet, and my vows in my hand, I made all the promises before God, before our families and most importantly to you, my rock, my hero, my Daddy, my Sir. Infinitely yours.

Hurrying around the bedroom.

Setting the candles and lighting them

Turning out the bedroom lights

Setting the diffuser

Ridding the entire room of distractions before you get home

I've already put on my outfit, a simple, short, black satin bustier that you bought along with the satin panties, I consider heels, but decide against it. My bare feet are a bit more intimate tonight.

I pull my hair back so it's not in my face. 
8 minutes away, I see, as I check our app.
I settle down onto the hardwood floor (you would place a cushion for me if you were here) but somehow tonight it doesn't seem to fit with what I want to say.

I want to feel the discomfort of the floor, to be on my bare knees for you, sitting, waiting for you. I know it's a few minutes before I have to wait like this but I want the time, I need the time. I want to get my mind focused, rid myself of everything except you.

My mind is racing, as I sit semi naked, only in the clothes you've bought, my knees pressing into the floor, the wood bites, it's cold.

The heat from between my legs becomes apparent, and I can feel it spread, the wetness spreading into my panties, causing my breasts to feel heavy, I feel my nipples harden and I know my chest is reddening from all the heat.

The anticipation of you coming through the door, of whether you will be pleased with my efforts causes me to dizzy.

Breathe

I hear the vibration of the notification on the phone, I know what it will say if I move from my spot on the floor, so I remain still... 

"Daddy arrived at home"

I straighten, focus, turn my hands so that they sit on my thighs, straighten my back, and drop my head toward the floor. 

Car door shuts...
Foot Steps...
Front door...
Foot Steps..
*Heart races...breathe dammit"

His hand is on the bedroom door knob and the door opens. 

I hear the door shut
*Don't look up and don't move. Breathe steady.* 

I want to look up, I want to see the sparkle in his eyes, the need. 

I see his boots as they come into my lowered view

Finally

I look up as I feel his hand on my head,

Daddy’s pleased.... it was worth the wait. 

It's always worth the wait.

Who you are in the heat of that moment.

The moments right before playtime.

Taking my bath...preparing my body, ahem-your body, before playtime. Shaving everything, doing "human things" because I know you your going to fuck my ass. Making sure I'm soft, and I smell good. Twirling my hair into the pigtails that you love.

It's all making me melt, sticky, dripping while I'm trying to focus on getting ready for you. I love the way my slickness feels under the water reminding me of what you do to me. The mere thought of what's to come when I walk out of the bathroom. Admittedly I usually rub myself a bit more than I need to before I come out to see you. 

Mmm there you are.

My heart races and I can't hardly look at you. I can feel the blush run all over me while you look me over. I always hope that you are pleased, you say you are, but my doubts are deep.

Your mouth comes down hard, possessively. I feel my breath stop and by the time you are done, I'm dizzy. I'm always dizzy with you.

Settling onto my knees, I can't wait to taste you, for your cock to completely fill my mouth and dive into my throat. It's always a challenge getting your thickness into my throat. My eyes water, I can't breathe. God you taste remarkable. All I can do is look up at you until you pull out for some relief.

Waiting and hoping that you'll deliver that swift firm slap to my face after pulling out of my mouth. The words you say are causing my clit to swell and throb even more.

I'm ready. I've been ready since the first day I talked to you, I'll forever be ready. I am yours. Completely.

Pulling me off the floor by my hair and throwing me over the side of the bed and thrusting into me, makes me squeal out.

Daddys hand, coming down onto my throat as you take every bit of me. Fucking me so deep it hurts,

God bless the pain when it arrives.

Such a gift. Each bruise, welt, and throb, all gifts. I need it, I need the calm, the assurance, the focus, and the nothingness it brings.

Tell me I'm your whore, your slut, and your playground.

Ask me if I'm sure my body belongs to you in the tone that you use.

Sheer delight, sheer ecstasy. I cum, once, twice, about to cum again you stop and cut it off, my eyes get wide and I dart up to your face desperately needing the release...the smirk you have, you know what you did. I don't say anything though, just whimper and wait for it.

You generously give so many orgasms, I'm spoiled.

You change positions and the thrust...you know the one, where you make my body squirt even though I try to avoid it cause it embarrasses me that I can't control it and it makes a mess.

Sliding into my ass, it hurts, it's been a while. I instantly get nervous and hot at the same time.

God bless the pain.

Your thumb pressing on my clit I open up for you and you dive deep.

Fuck me please Daddy.

So much intensity I can't stand it.

My head is swirling and I'm there, bliss.

I live vicariously through my favorite moments while you're away on orders right now. Can't wait for this to be over. 

In the bath with him, bodies slick with the oils and moisturizers, my princess parts slick for other reasons.

I can feel the hardness of his chest on my back, Daddys hands continuing to warm my breasts with the water.

This is my happy place. My head against his chest, running my hands up and down his remarkable man thighs.

Daddys breath against my hair, ear, and neck.

The strength that I feel laying on him.

I know that I am his. I know that I have never in my life felt safer or more loved with another person.

Admiring him in all that he is, he's so furry. lol.

Remarkably attractive, completely handsome.

That jawline, those eyes. The way his arms are defined just enough. I melt.

He still takes my breath away. The gratitude I feel, the sheer respect for this man that chose to be my Daddy. That chose ME. I still dont understand, though I try.

Im used to him being home at least 50% of the time now, the next few months while hes on orders its going to be a challenge.

A lot of wand use in my future.

So im replaying our weekend over and over.

Kneeling in front of him, his hands tangled in my hair while thrusting down my throat, growling good girl.

Filling all my holes, with plugs, fingers and his tongue.

My needs of the dominance and the more sadistic side of Daddy being exceeded. Eager to be sure that I AM his good girl and meeting all of his. 

Hearing him claiming me as his as orgasm after orgasm washes over me and I stay breathless and dizzy.

Swollen and sore all over from our playtime.

Dammit... Im really missing Daddy and hes only been gone a couple of hours. --
 

Mmmm Daddy....

641 days today that I've been your sub, your "little", your princess. 

636 days today (give or take) that I realized that I was in love with you, my Dom, my Alpha, my Daddy.

585 days since you put a collar around my neck, Daddy 

231 days today since “you put a ring on it”, and I've been your fiance, your sub, your "little", your princess. 

256 days until I become your wife, and still yet remaining, your sub, your "little", your princess, your whore. 

"How did you meet him" 

"Congratulations, hes wonderful, where did you meet".

...I smile and say "through social media"... when we both know exactly how we ended up together, The CAGE. Cant exactly say that out loud to our family members at the wedding or ANY situation...

 "Oh, we met on a BDSM website.. Im a "little" who likes to orgasm to pain and be slapped around by Daddy, and hes a sadist who likes to tie me down and beat me till I cum. Match made in Heaven!!!!"

The crowd would be appalled and grandma would fall over and stroke right there! 

Here we are, 641 days later, I have the collar, the ring, the dress. You have the uniform, the venue, my heart. 

I still sit at your feet with my head in your lap, hopefully after servicing you while your working. You wake me up before work in the mornings...for the same thing lol.  We share and entertain our normal life (work, kids, chores, events, family, holidays) and we set "playtime" and still incorporate our dynamic. 

Your right (you usually are) *eye rolls* I worry about a lot. I dont want to disappoint you, I know you dont worry about that but I do.

We are still who we were. I will forever want to make sure you want for nothing, be at your service, take care of you, and be anything and everything that you ask of me. My submission has always naturally been yours. Nothing in my life of 30 ("ish" lol) years has ever felt so natural. 

Its you, it will forever be you. And right now more than anything I need you, I miss you and I love you Daddy. Just a few more days.....

Its late. Im tired but I cant sleep tonight. Visions of playtime dancing through my head. The need that I have is running through my body from my toes all the way up.
I want Daddy, so bad I cant bear it. He wouldn’t mind if I woke him, especially for this, still I know he needs sleep… We have gotten to start having playtime again. 🙌🏻 Surgeon released me with the warning of common sense (if it hurts don’t do it) He doesn’t realize the masochism in me.😈 So of course, I cant get enough of Daddy.

The feel of his hand wrapped in my hair. His eyes as I go to my knees. The feel of his warm flesh sliding into my mouth and the taste Im blessed with, not soon enough, thereafter. Watching his face and looking into his eyes as he dives all the way in, he doesnt give anything away. It drives me mad, but I love it.
I love the control and the intensity that he does everything with. Especially me. How quickly and skilled he is when strapping my limbs into the cuffs turns me into a tsunami. His voice when speaking to me during, and no matter what position I end up in… how easily he slides me right into the position I need to be when hes done and Im spent. The aftercare that’s so insanely tender and perfect, with my head on his chest and my legs wrapped in his. As if he knows that I cant get close enough and we would curl up inside each other if we could.

But now… right now, I want to be blindfolded, gagged, bound, my nipples clamped, ass plugged, and completely his. I don’t want to know where the next slap will land, or when he will soothe it with his hands, tongue, hitachi, or if he even will. I want to feel my clit sting with the strikes he lands, my nipples, and my ass. I don’t want to know what part of me hes planning on fucking till he shoves it deep inside anywhere he needs. I want to be fingered so violently that he wonders if its too much. I want to be denied orgasms until I cry.

*Cue dramatic southern flail of hand over forehead*  
Tomorrow evening will never come.

Im clearly a very needy little sub tonight. Im a lucky one too. Cause hes not going to be impressed that Im still awake, but he IS going to understand, and that I believe is going to help me get out of trouble lol.

Love you Daddy… 

Its been weeks since I've gotten to “play” with Daddy, due to a major surgery I had. We have been able to do regular sex the past two weeks, so neither of us has been completely….dry, lol, but its not the same. I'm going stir crazy. Daddy has taken excellent care of me, not allowing me out of bed as much as I want to be (hes not wrong but I cant stand sitting still), bringing me chocolate and sweets, taking care of the house. Helping me shower and dress, although Daddy liked that part more than he let on, lol. He fusses too much over me and I'm not used to it. Even after a year almost of being with him. I'm 30…(.ISH) and hes the first to do such a thing. I'm beyond blessed to have such a remarkable man in my life. However, I'm ready for playtime, I'm ready for my Sir, my Dom, the sadist side of Daddy, and I know hes ready for me too. Patients is not an easy thing for me, certainly not as easy as it is for him. We have new toys that needs to be used, a tail that hes itching to see how it looks in me… Oops.. ON me, hee hee. A couple of new spreader bars that made his eyes light up when that package came in. I need pain, I need commands, and I desperately need Daddys firm hands. Spoiled I know, since that’s all that’s being met with him taking care of me the way he has, but I know these needs that I need so bad are his too and I cant wait for just a couple of more weeks to be able to really play. I have been thinking about how to make it all up to Daddy, sooner, all the catering to me that he has done. I finally figured it out today, I cant put it here but I'm sure Ill be able to fill it all in soon. Until then, Ill daydream as I have been, laid up in bed, next to Daddy (teasing me) until we can finally be our freaky selves again.