Truth be told

When I close my eyes at night they search for yours. I don’t know what color they would be but I can see them staring back at me. They see into my soul it’s hidden desires waiting for you.

Your eyes telling me a tale of what will be and what awaits. I see in them my reflection of who I am for you - your darling pet sitting at your feet in complete submission, your collar around my neck noting I am yours.

My eyes will continue to search for yours in hopes that I will find you not too far in the distant future.

My Master, My Daddy I wait here for you.

Is there another side to this forest? I am running out of patiences and my tolerance is running low. I do not understand what is wrong with being open and honest. Is that not what we want and strive for? I seem to still have these preconceived notions that there are people in this lifestyle who follow some kind of code of conduct. Maybe I am old school and believe that people should be held accountable for their actions and behaviors. 

I have not been in this lifestyle long, but I do have standards and expectations. I am not selling myself short nor settling for anything less. If you are not able to meet them, then you are not for me and I am definitely not for you. I know my value and worth and my submission will only be given to the one worthy of it.

This part of the forest does not seem to be for me. It is Time to keep moving onto another path. Whether it leads me towards my destination or Temporarily redirects which route to take, I am discovering more of who I am and what I need and want in my life. I have spent most of my life compromising and giving in to appease and please others while putting aside my desires.  Not any longer. 

I know my true Master is out there and at the rate I am going, it will take time to find him. All I need is patience. Taking a deep breath and continuing along my journey enjoying the scenery as I come across them. 

I am currently drifting, observing, admiring, pondering this world wondering if in this sea of people, is there truly someone that can fulfill what I am searching for. 

Reading people’s journey, I have hope and I am excited of the prospect and then at times I am enjoying where I am, searching within myself who I am meant to be for the right person. Not interested in the games that are too often played. I do NOT have time for that. 

Once, I thought I had found him until the truth was discovered and the betrayal, lies, deceit, could not be denied. The truth hidden behind false pretenses. I caution those who are in “discretionary” relationships to look at what that is and means. When someone claims to be single but won’t share where they live - red flag, when they won’t introduce you to their friends or family - red flag, when you are unable to reach the person directly - red flag, when they are only available at certain times - red flag. Of course, if they have already disclosed the reasons why and have been straightforward...no need to worry then eh?

I am confident that I will find my Master one day and he will be all that I need. At the present time, I will continue to drift, observe, admire, and enjoy my own time. 

I have always admired those who write so eloquently. Their choice of words woven to allure you, entice you, and draw you in like a moth to the flames. Words that bewitch and invite you into their dominion leading you down an intriguing path where you lose sight of warning signs. Their words speaking and calling out to you like a siren's casted spell. How do you not fall into that trap? 

That's the question that has been plaguing my mind. In reading profiles and blogs, all I see are words that I question if they are true or genuine. They sound sincere and honest, because I know I am. Are profiles and/or blogs a mere ploy where they are used to lure prey? I was talking with my vanilla friend the other day, who is on a couple of dating sites, and she always shares with me about the men/guys she meets on there. She recently when on a couple of dates. One she says they went out for dinner when he arrived he did NOT look like his profile picture. The second one told her what he did for a living and where he lived and invited her over for dinner to his place - she went. Apparently, his definition of his profession and the type of home he lived in was clearly embellished according to her - from so called construction worker more like maintenance and from a cabin on the lake she said it was more like a one room dilapidated shack. 

Words are beautiful until they are used deceitfully. After talking to a dom here, whose profile and even blogs left me curious wondering if he was as he described himself and truly the dom that could capture the mind, left me intrigued and after liking a couple blogs, he reached out. Pleasantries exchanged leading to a conversation and then questions, he appeared to write with such an art in which those words were speaking to me like a shiny stone that caught my attention. Quickly, I found that those words mean nothing if they are not real, hidden behind lies, causing more distrust. I even expressed and was upfront about my issue with trust mas having been lied to. I wonder if i was not clear about that. 

I am butt hurt and still pissed that I was blatantly lied to. I asked the important and specific questions doing my due diligence to assure I didn’t fall. Unfortunately I did because I believed in something I wanted badly. It was shiny and fake dressed up with words to hide that there was no real value. The one time I am drawn to the light, I get burned. 

Lies, lies, lies. Why do people to tell them? Why hide behind words that have no real value or hold truth when you’re intentions are to be deceitful? How do people sleep at night when they knowingly deceive, cheat, and lie? I am not perfect by any means but my conscious eats at me if I unintentionally may have hurt someone. The truth always comes out at some point, no matter how slick you think you are. Karma knows when to show up.

I find myself in state of asking questions all the time and questioning people’s motives and intentions. I don’t like being here, it wasn’t me. I am trying to get myself out of that corner and can’t allow myself to open up looking for reasons as to why I can’t. 

Questions, questions, questions are all that are in my head as to if I can trust someone’s words because that’s all we have right now in this world.

They say time heals and that may be so. So I am hoping because I would hate to mess up the opportunity of finding my true real Daddy.

Still hopeful...

Annoyed and frustrated, I had decided to step away and had deactivated my account. I had told myself I was done, tired and exhausted being meet with lies. You say you want a friendship, you’re approached with the false pretense and then their true intentions are revealed when you engage in deeper conversations. Really? 

Re-evaluating and having stepped back to look at what I want and needed, it reminded me of my dream.

I have a dream to find my Daddy, my Master an honest, genuine, trustworthy man. You may be a dream right now, but I will not give up on my search. I know you are out there and I need to be patient.

The time will come when our search will be over and will have found one another. We may not know the time or place, but I am here waiting for you...my Master.

Your loving pet. 

Lately questions are what hit me. Mostly WHY? 

why would they?

why did they?

why am I not?

why was I not?

why could he?

why didn’t he?

Then moving to the HOW?

When you strive to be an open and honest person, and more so, in this world - you are mostly met with the opposite of Lies, deceit, dishonesty, cheating...the list goes on.

It’s something that I don’t understand and I am trying to wrap my mind around. Maybe I’m being naive in believing that this LS is different than the vanilla world. Maybe because I have higher standards here where there is so much more at risk and expect, yes expect, people to uphold who they say they are and what they want.

I may never get the answers to my questions this juncture. But hope some day that my Daddy, whenever he may be, will be able to answer them. 

holding onto hope.

Having one of those days where questions come to my head wondering.

Am I searching for the impossible or is it getting impossible because I won't settle? 

Will I find you Master, Daddy? 

Are you really out there?

Are you even real?

I want to be yours already at your feet where I am meant to be devoted to serve you Master.

I hope to have some day what those of you share in your journey on here and that there is someone out for me searching also. 

Master, Daddy I wait for you...until our paths cross.

I know what I want and look for in a Dom. But, I'm starting to think that he might not exist in real life and I have dreamt him up. Or maybe, I should stop reading novels who conjure these characters that appear to be so far from the real truth. Or, is it because I won't settle and I am hell bent to find the right one for me? Whatever the answer is, Does HE exist?

Is there really a genuine Dom who will take the time to listen and hear me? Who will take the time to know me for who I am, accept me with my flaws, welcome the side of me that can only be controlled by the one who I submit to, guide me to explore those hidden desires that can only be shared with the right one, and not be selfish? Is there a Dom who can be open, truthful, honest and not hide and lie about their status, who they are, how old they are, what they want or looking for themselves?  Is there anyone out there who really doesn't play games who can be upfront and not beat around the bush or try to manipulate to get what they want? Is there anyone who knows how to deal with conflict without losing their cool? Is there anyone who knows how to be understanding, who is thoughtful and considerate, who cares for another?

Many questions come and go that remain unanswered and have me questioning is there someone out there for me? Am I being unrealistic for having standards and boundaries? Just because we happen to be on a sexual website doesn’t mean I’m desperate and going to put out. I am here to find someone who is compatible and does want to share the same, but wants more than to have fun. 

Tapping out for awhile...if you reach out and say you just want to chat as friends that’s what it will be - friends. 

Other than having the biological anatomy, a Man, to me is strong, a protector, defender, he provides, he cares for (not just physically but also mentally and emotionally), he is respectful, a gentlemen, a Dominant...you get the idea.

I do have expectations in what I want and look for in a man. Being a strong independent alpha woman, I take charge in all areas of my life and have had to in relationships as well. Because of it, Some have tried to control me, let me be, or just wanted to submit. I need a man who is going to be my equal and balance me, who will respect me as the strong woman I am who can embrace that side of me and in turn earn my submission so I then can submit myself to him knowing that I can trust him to take charge and be safe in his care. I need a man who is a Dom in all areas of his own life, a gentleman always and can also be my friend and partner in life. 

How he behaves and acts as a person gives me a clear indication of how he is as a Dom and how he will treat and care for me as his sub and partner outside of the D/s relationship. Overtime, people will show you who they really are especially in desperate times. 

I am and will not settle. Respect my boundaries and limits. And for Pete’s sake, if you claim to have a pair, use them and be a man and tell me we are not the right fit and not just jump to the next person just because I won’t put out. 

I am not here to play, be someone’s conquest, or for cheap thrills no matter how good it can be. I respect myself and who I am and will NOT send you nudes or pics of me in sexy lingerie or of my ass. If that’s what you are looking for interested in, go surf the web. 

WARNING!!!!!!!

If you are going to message me, READ my profile and blogs so you get a better understanding of who I am. If you are that interested in me, do your due diligence in getting to know me, if you claim to want what I want. If you’re in for the long-term, be ready to earn my submission, I do not give it easily. I will equally put in the effort. 

And, no I am NOT a Bitch, I am done taking shit is all. 

I discovered while talking with a couple of people what I NEED and it’s a Dom who IS mature, experienced AND also an Alpha male in real life, not just a Dom behind closed doors. I need Him to be on equal footings with me outside of the dynamic. I am a strong independent woman where I take charge both in my personal and professional life that I don’t need, correction, want to do it also in any relationship as well...been there, don’t that. I don’t need to be micromanaged, nor do I need 24/7. I need a man to be a man both in and outside of the bedroom, who respects me both as a submissive and a woman, who has his own life in order and can take the lead when necessary who is Confident and assertive, but not arrogant or conceited. A gentleman and a Dom all wrapped up in one ;)

Sometimes, when getting to know someone, you start off great with the same interests, wants and have the same needs but along the way, you discover that although you want the same, you are on different paths on meeting those needs and you learn more of what You truly desire in the person you are in search of. You learn more about yourself and who you want to be able to fulfill those needs. It becomes clear as day as to who you really want. 

Another experience to be had...time to move on.

UPDATE: 

FYI...not interested in pursuing anything with anyone at this point. If you would like to talk, I will welcome friendly conversations.