Kinky interactions for the D/s inclined

I think you forgot who I am. I can't be that woman the one who spreads her legs for anyone. The one who submits indiscriminately . I can't be her.

I can't be her. I can't be the one who says yes to everything. I have my own mind and my own person and my own limits. Respect that and respect me.

What kind of submissive am I? I don't know. What I do know is this I want to obey I want to comply and I want to be yours. That's all I have to give.

I've always been moved by the power of words. Grammar and spelling are important to me. But it is the effect of those words that has become increasingly evident.

Books are wonderful. When well-written, I'm transported into the life of another person. Someone else's reality becomes mine. In a matter of pages, I can become a sex slave, an alien on another planet, a magical creature. These things I've always known.

What has changed recently is how ordinary words, linked in a single sentence or phrase, can transport me instantaneously from a confident, demanding, imposing woman into a feminine, soft, docile, eager woman. Every organ in my body responds to seemingly inane words. My heart stops, then it races. The blood drains from my head, then comes rushing back with ferocity. My stomach turns into knots, then it melts. My brain scrambles all thought into an incoherent mess, then it goes silent.

Simple words with a profound affect (not all inclusive):
~Good girl
~Good morning, little sub
~You please me
~Woman, STOP!
~Thank you for sharing, beautiful sub.
~Don't push me....
~Talk to me, sweet sub
~Look at me!
~You make me happy, sweetie
~You are a good pet
~Do you understand?
~You are mine
~Do you trust me?
~Get into position
~You are smart, sexy and beautiful to me
~Ask nicely

Simple phrases, simple words, mind blowing affect.

At this age, I had really hoped I had learned the hard lessons. Alas, it isn't so.

So often I hear (from women mostly), "I don't want to get hurt again."

Does anyone truly believe there is a way to invest your time, your energy and yourself with another person and not be hurt when it doesn't work? Even friendships exist with pain. Some you can get through, some you can't.

Maybe the better question is, how is the best way to handle the hurt?

I'll sit and struggle with this one for awhile. Only time will give me perspective and help me on the next encounter.

Count the minutes until you see me again.

Count the words in each message I send.

Count the steps in those high, high heels until you reach me.

Count the seconds between each breath you take.

Count the ways you may have disappointed me.

Count the links on the chain binding your wrists and ankles.

Count the beating from the wooden paddle.

Count the ways you belong to me.

Count the fingers inside you.

Count your devotion to me.

Count the seconds you go without air while my hand encircles your throat.

Count the ways you can please me.

Count the strikes of the whip on your back, thighs and ass.

Count the strokes of my cock inside you.

Count the times you cum.

Count the marks I've left on you.

Count for me.

I need to cum. It's not a "want" or a "wish". I need it.

My body is aching for release. Every muscle feels the tension building. Heat boiling from the inside out.

I'm swollen. Sitting is uncomfortable. The pressure is a torture all its own. *Please*

... and I wait.

Each breath spreading the need, fanning the flames.

My face is flushed. My mind confused. *Please*

... and I wait.

It would be so easy for you. Ordain it and it is so.

Your hand on my throat. Your low whispers in my ear. *Please*

... and I wait.

You've sentenced me. I've served my time. Release me.

I'd end my suffering now if it were within my control. I try and fail. I can't. *Please*

... and I wait.

Wait for the words. Wait for the command.

My body betrays me. It knows its Master. It won't respond to my pleas of mercy. *Please*

... and I wait.
... for that moment.
... for those words.

***Cum for me!***

*Do it for me*

I can't

*You can*

I won't

*You will*

It's not me

*It is only you*

I am

*You are*

*Mine*

You're not a submissive. Maybe you're a switch." No kidding, someone told me that I don't know who/what I am.

So much for being open-minded, non-judgmental and not putting people into proscribed definitions.

In a way, I get it. I'm not exactly a complacent sub. By no means would I consider myself a "brat." I do not act out strictly for the purpose of instigating some form of attention whether positive or negative.

However, I am a challenge. I need to challenge. The one who is to dominate me would be frustrated and walk away if they give me pointless tasks, or commands without a logical reason or expectation. So, I will question and investigate instead of blindingly following along. I can't help it.

There are times I can comply quickly and easily (as a proper submissive would); but there are times when I need the rationale behind it.

For example:

Dom: Each day this week, at noon, you are to close your eyes and turn around in three circles.
Proper Sub: Yes, Sir.

How it would work with me:

Dom: Each day this week, at noon, you are to close your eyes and turn around in three circles.
Me: Why?
Dom: Because I told you to do so. (again, sometimes this will work)
Me: That sounds silly. Why would you want me to do that?
Dom: You are racing through life. You take on so much responsibility, you forget that there is someone responsible for you. Noon is a halfway point to your hectic day. It is a time you need to remember you belong to me. By closing your eyes, you will need to think of me and picture me there with you. The turning in circles is to help you focus on the fact that while you can't see and may become disoriented, I'm still here and in control. It is safe for you to lose your balance.

Does this mean I am not a submissive? Does it mean I am not a good submissive?

To me, it means that I am definitely not the submissive for an average Dom.

I like to run. I like to struggle and try to escape. Once again, NOT EVERY TIME but I spontaneously seem to get the urge to flee. Maybe it is after dinner, maybe it is while being tied up, maybe it is while giving head; but the urge hits and off I go!

One of my friends said to me, "Don't you like it?" (meaning the play, wax, flogging, whatever). I said, "Oh yes! I love it!" She said, "Then doesn't running or struggling sort of defeat the purpose?"

I had to stop and think about that.

If I had a Dom who was more likely to think, I don't chase subs. If she wants to be here, she'll have to stay put. If she runs, I'll just leave I'd be incredibly disappointed a great deal of the time.

So, I need that exceptional Dom. The one whose drive to capture and conquer exceeds my drive to run and struggle.

Can the two be reconciled? Can a submissive be challenging, flee spontaneously and struggle against her Dom while still being considered a submissive?

Yes, she/he can. I know this because I am one. I'll consider myself an acquired taste and wait for the Dom who sees me as a gourmet dish worth savoring.

In the same way there are Sensual Doms, Daddy Doms, and Sadistic Doms, I'm my own class of sub. Anyone care to join me?

Something has been on my mind lately. It’s the proclamation that submission is a gift.

I’m not going to discuss the merits of this sentiment because it is an individual perception of what they are contributing to their own relationship and therefore, the terminology needs to only be acceptable to the parties involved.

But let’s look at what it means to give a gift. A gift is something given freely to another with no expectation of anything in return. When you give your submission, are you expecting things in return? Are you making demands upon the recipient? Think carefully.

When you *gift* your submission, you have already made a determination that a particular Dominant was worth bestowing this gift. Once you’ve given it away, it is up to the Dominant how it is used.

I’m going to give you $10,000 for no reason other than I feel you deserve it. Do I have recourse if you blow it all in 24 hours on gambling, drinking and a party weekend for friends that don’t include me? What if you take that money and put food on your table for your children, pay your utilities and eliminate some debt? No, once given, the gift belongs to the recipient. I can’t reasonably turn around and tell you how to spend the money based on my ideas of what should be done.

Instead of money, I’m going to give you a painting. Must you then display it prominently in your living room? No. That painting could be one done by my dog or an original Picasso. Either way, what you do with it once it passes from my hands to yours is up to you.

The fact is, I won’t give something of value to someone unless I believe it will be valued. The greater the value is to me, the more discerning I will be in bestowing it upon someone else.

In my opinion, if you have given your submission, you must then trust that it will be managed in a way that best suits its user.

He may not fuck you and beat you daily. Heck, he may not even do it when you beg on bended knee. You have to trust. You have to absorb your own needs and supplicate yourself to the needs of your Dominant.

Which leads me to the reason I started writing in the first place ...

Gratitude.

Your Dominant has chosen you as much as you’ve chosen him/her (him for my purposes). He has seen value in your submission. He has determined that he can meet his needs through you. He has taken the time to believe that he can take control from you and use it wisely.

Where is the gratitude?

Here you have a Dominant who has taken the time and energy to ask you detailed questions about who you are and how you think. He has taken the time to see beyond the “crazy” and wants more of you. He devotes time and energy into providing you with the control and structure you need. He texts. He calls. He fucks. He beats. He punishes. He disciplines. He structures. He instructs. He talks. He listens. He questions. He absorbs. He laughs. He uplifts. He reassures. He consoles. He demands. He uses.

Is he doing this simply because it gives him a hard on? Well, maybe partly. I mean, would he be a Dominant if it didn’t? But there is more than that.

He sees in you something more than you see in yourself. He wants to show this to you in HIS way, not yours.

It seems, to me, that submissives occasionally get caught up in the orgasms they give and not the ones they receive. Each orgasm you have, each one that is orchestrated by your Dominant, is a lesson; a reward; a reminder; a celebration.

It’s time to look at all that your Dominant is providing you and be grateful for it.

**Dear Dom, **

**Thank you for what you have done for me.**

**Thank you for seeing in me more than I see in myself.**

**Thank you for taking the time to get to know me before agreeing to take me as your submissive.**

**Thank you for pushing me in ways that make me angry, hurt, afraid and unsettled. It is in those ways that I learn and grow. It is how I learn to value you and trust you more.**

**Thank you for meeting my needs by using me for your own.**

**Thank you for feeding my need to submit with your need to control.**

**Thank you for accepting my weaknesses and showing me yours.**

**Thank you for allowing me into your life.**

**Thank you for your sadistically creative torture.**

**Thank you for never letting me forget who owns me.**

**Thank you for your devotion to my care and well-being.**

**Thank you for your erections. There is nothing like knowing your blood is flowing because of me.**

**Thank you for tormenting me with threats and promises.**

**Thank you for your time.**

**Thank you for needing what I have to offer.**

**Thank you for embracing all of me and not rejecting the “crazy.”**

**Thank you for correcting me when I lose my way.**

**Thank you for holding me to a higher standard.**

**Thank you for hurting me.**

**Thank you for caring for me.**

**Thank you for your dominance.**

***THANK YOU!!***

Both men and women write about the male predator dom. Men who demand pictures and submission on first contact. Men who prey on the newbies. Men who will say anything to get what they want.

I know these awful people are out there, but I’ve come across only a very few. The men I know, the majority of the men in my friend’s list, are good guys. They haven’t asked for pictures, they haven’t ordered me around; they listen, they share, they laugh.

But Bitches Be Crazy!

The women here can be equally as dangerous, but no one really talks about that.

**Velcro Collar Bitch:** She changes her relationship status at least twice a month. She is always “owned” by someone. In fact, she usually has 15 listed in her profile. Baby girl, sub, slave, kajira, bottom, under consideration, being mentored, institutional escapee, afraid to be left alone for five minutes, etc.

The guy who falls for her will be skewered on a rotisserie before he can change his status back to normal. He will be labeled a fake and a user. She gave him ***everything***.

**Little Miss Innocent Bitch:** She talks to D-types and plays on their inherent need to protect. She thinks that if she comes across as vulnerable, every man she meets will try to be her knight in shining armor. Meanwhile, she is emailing the next guy about how she “worries” about the guy she tried to manipulate the day before.

The guy who falls for her is in big trouble. Once he tells her that he isn’t interested in a D/s relationship with her, she will release the ugliest, most vile accusations upon him. She will threaten to destroy him for using her and leading her on.

**Stalker Bitch:** She is stealthy. Once she catches sight of a domly one she likes, she reads everything he has written, makes comments, then sees where he has been, making sure to comment immediately after him and reference him in her comment. She will go through everyone on his friends list, all of their pictures and writings; trying to see if he is doing anything with someone else. And the minute she has decided to piss on him (figuratively, not literally), she makes sure to piss a perimeter around him to make all other females back off.

The guy who falls for her will not be rid of her easily. She will email everyone he has contact with to warn them about his status as a player and user. She can’t believe anyone is more desirable than she is and won’t accept defeat.

**Mean Girl Bitch:** She tends to travel in a swarm, like sharks. They circle around one D-type and snipe at anyone who says something against their proscribed thought. They lurk in groups and pat each other on the back about how smart they are. "You're so right." "No, you're so right."

The guy who falls for one of these is warned that when they are involved with one, they are fodder for the swarm. They will be emailing each other about every detail of their version of events and it will always be your fault if things don't go the way they want.

**Me (Bitch):** I’m the one who gets very protective and angry where my friends are concerned. Three of my friends have decided it was necessary to deactivate their profiles because of crazy bitches like these.

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Just like most men aren’t slimy, underhanded predators; most women aren’t crazy bitches. But they are out there. Proceed at your own risk.

*Disclaimer: These are my opinions, blah, blah, blah*