I struggled to find the appropriate title for this blog. This one also has hide nor hair to do with long distance M/s... or maybe it does.
MstrJ has made the conscious choice to join me for Ramadan for the past 3 years. It's less about religion or spirituality for Him and more about the concept of an intentional "reset" a moment to reconnect the body with its true state and needs. A moment of denial which can lead to a greater sense of fulfillment when those wants are granted. (ok, so it has EVERYTHING to do with long distance M/s).
At the beginning of Ramadan it is very hard to ignore the mental concept of "hunger" but if one takes a moment to really be intentional, they will notice that they are not really experiencing physical "hunger" . Thirst, you bet, but hinger, no. That changes after about a week (person depending), and things take a harder turn. The physical hunger is REAL. Dizzy, low energy, and tummy grumbles war with the mind. This is the space that one really has to be intentional and steadfast. After a few days, mind and body adjust. W/we work on the concept of "it's enough."
A ton of people gain weight over Ramadan. They make a huge mistake. The minute that Adhan comes (the time you can break your fast) they rush to food. It takes time for the stomach to signal "full" and by the time the mind has registered it they have overeaten and spend hours in discomfort. They move from discomfort to discomfort!
When I was "teaching" MstrJ how to approach Ramadan one of the first and most important things I taught Him is that it's HOW you break Your fast is the most important thing. When I was taught I learned to begin with 3 dates, a light soup, and a few bites of food. Then TAKE A BREAK. If you are praying, go and do so, if not, take an hour and let that sink in. Focus on liquids (some juice and water). Then go back and have a light meal. Focus on water through the night and wake up for the before Fast meal. People who skip this set themselves up for failure and unwellness! For the before fast meal pick something that feels filling and is slow to digest but at all cost avoid big flavors or salt and ascorbic things. My ideal is an egg sandwich with lettuce, tomato, and cheese. I USED to do oatmeal, but I've got gastroparesis so this is a HUGE hell no now. My favorite to give Him is overnight chia pudding with fruit, nuts, and coconut milk. When He does this He barely feels any hunger for at least 10 hours!
With intention, this whole process helps you find your equilibrium again. It reminds you that "enough is truly enough."
This blog is going to take an abrupt left turn, but I promise, it will come back together. Just follow the process.
One of the ways MstrJ and I spend time together is in watching shows. At any given time W/we have 4 series running. One He is watching independently. One I'm watching independently. One W/we are watching together as a couple and one W/we are all watching as a family.
W/we take turns picking the series... and this past time it was my turn to pick. I found one that has proven to be really really impactful. I'm not usually into anime or even animated series... but this one was different. I saw it and watched two episodes by myself before saying... "um... Master of mine, I found one I reeeeaaalllyyyy want to watch with you." Now, I knew how it impacted me, but it has been a deeply emotional experience watching Him internalize it. It's called My Happy Marriage, and the D/s overtones are deep. There is an argument in the Psychology world about if life immitates art or if art imitates life...
when I watched it, I saw U/us in it... but when I watched Him see it... i saw Him see me. I think i spent those moments in deeply grateful tears. I saw Him take pride in the moments He saw me, and the deep moments He internalized that He has what others write about. It was deeply deeply moving.
The show has been a lot. Last night W/we watched the conclusion.
Last week He was discussing how when You reach a new level of awesome in life it's important to remember how awesome things are, to never be desensitized to it.
Last night in the show one of the most endearing things about Miyo is that she lives in gratitude. She never takes anything for granted. She never lives in the concept of "I deserve"...
and again I saw myself in her, and I saw how that impacted Kudo, and how it impacts MstrJ.
I do not live in "I deserve" not because I don't deserve, not because I lack self esteem... not because I wish to be lacking. I'm never lacking. I'm never undeserving. There is beauty in intentionally living in "it's enough" so that when you are GIVEN more than "enough" you feel the weight and the magnitude of gratitude. It moves you every time.
It breeds a grateful and joyous heart. It breeds softness. It is this softness which speaks to His heart.
I as a slave will move mountains to see Him pleased. I'm never afraid that I will cease to please Him...
He as a Master enjoys seeing me moved, seeing my softness, seeing my gratitude... that makes Him happy to give in order to see the return on that gratitude.
I live in "it's enough" because it is enough. Because it is enough He can decide when and how to give more. Because it is always His choice it feels like such a "good girl" to be given more... and this breeds sincere and genuine gratitude. What a beautiful cycle.
Thank You for always ensuring I have enough. Thank You for all of the ways You decide to give more. Thank You for seeing me and seeing my heart. Thank You for wisdom, generosity, and loving kindness. Thank You for protecting my softness. I'm grateful ALWAYS for enough and for more.
His slave Mikayla