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Ever Evolving

Expression of my thoughts, feelings, and me growing to love my side I kept hidden.
3 weeks ago. Fri 25 Oct 2019 03:25:56 PM IDT

 

 

 

1 month ago. Thu 10 Oct 2019 11:44:02 PM IDT

Today was a fun day. Instead of chilling at home like we often do, Daddy and I went out. For a treat Daddy took me to Build-A-Bear. So many options!! I wanted to buy out the whole store. Wall to wall stuffy options, clothes, shoes, bows, accessories.🤤😍After 45 minutes of contemplation we ended up with my new Stuffy,  Pearl. She smells so yummy. Daddy and I chose the Sugar N Sparkle scent to put inside her. The look on the employees face when she found out the stuffy was for me was comical. I guess 30 year old woman do not shop there for themselves a lot. He also bought me a ankle bracelet on Etsy today. I love my Day collar he bought me a little over a week ago but am finding it uncomfortable to sleep in. I never wore necklaces, so a thick chain on at night to sleep in caused my neck to be sore the next day. So he bought a permanently locked ankle bracelet like the one below. He had them engrave  Daddy's Kitten on it. This way I wear that as my permanent collar and my Day Collar on just during day. So excited for it to come. 

 

For his treat Daddy got new hand and ankle cuffs with a matching blindfold to use on kitten. As well as a new flogger and crop.

Now it is snuggle time on the couch watching a movie.

1 month ago. Sat 05 Oct 2019 05:39:13 PM IDT

Never be afraid to reach out to someone. You can change their while life with one call, one word, just caring.

1 month ago. Fri 04 Oct 2019 11:21:40 PM IDT

Trust is tenuous and can be easily broken. It is at times hard to know who you can trust, as intentions are so easy to hide. Smiling lips can be used to cover deceitful lies. The perfect mask to hide a snake in waiting. Coiled and ready to strike. Their fangs injecting poisonous whispers or promises. You become so enthralled you fail to see all the harm they are causing you. Their hold loosens and you become aware. It is too late, the damage has already been done. Your mind and or emotions were toys for their entertainment. Both may be broken into thousands of pieces. They may have gotten close to others that know and or are friends with you. Their dark whispers make these people stare at you aghast in wonder. You draw inwards. No longer sure who to trust, who truly cares, who is truly reaching out to you with honest intentions. You are wary now, guarded, and always on the defense. Is allowing people close worth the risk? Trust is a gift. To those I am close to....Thank you for proving to me the risk was worth taking.

 

 

1 month ago. Thu 26 Sep 2019 12:53:19 PM IDT

Now I lay me down to sleep.

I'm sore in some places you would never think.

My cheeks are flaming, my thighs are red.

My inner Brat has been put to bed.

Daddy swears one day I will do things right.

I doubt that with all my might. 

I crave the spankings, the lovely marks.

The bruises that form on body parts.

I am obedient.

I am good.

The Brat inside me is just misunderstood.

She is not mean.

She is not rude.

She just wants Daddy to spank out her attitude.

Secretly, he takes delight.

In spanking me with all his might!

The aftercare makes me moan and shake.

As an orgasm comes in its wake.

So here I lay all tuckered out.

I have no reason at all to pout.

In his arms I lay to sleep.

I pray to him my body to keep.

To keep me safe through the night.

So I may wake with the morning light.

To live another Day

To hear him say.

"You are Mine and I am here to stay!"

A Poem by DarkKitten

 

 

I came, I saw, I poked the Wolf, and then I came again

1 month ago. Wed 25 Sep 2019 02:06:17 PM IDT

As people get older, we often lose our awe and wonder for the world around us, our innocence, and belief of magic. We no longer use our imagination, but cold hard logic. Our vision narrows. Things that once before seemed possible no longer are. We can become cynical and judgemental, telling people to get their heads out of the clouds. We lost our connection to the world of fantasy and with it a key to untold happiness.


I am thankful for my little side. She isn't just a way to escape overwhelming feelings, but is a way to view the world in a whole other way. The world is not black and white. The grass is greener, the autumn leaves are lusher in color, the stars sparkle a little brighter for her. She believes anything is possible if she tries hard enough. She finds joy in the simplest of things. Life is never dull or quiet with her as her imagination is always running rampant.


Looking back over the last ten years, I realize that she has always been there. Popping out at unexpected moments, but pushed back down and denied her freedom and joy. At those moments my mother would look at me, exasperated, "Will you ever grow up?". Now I feel sad that I denied a part of who I am. Stuck her in a box to wither and die. I became harder and unhappy. I tried to match the image a woman should be in my mothers eyes. One who controls her life and the outcomes. Has complete and utter control over herself and her family. My husband (Daddy) took a step back and just let me lead. Neither of us was happy. This was the first time I had full power and control in life. The world is a chaotic mix of anxiety, anger, disappointment, bills, and responsibilities. I became angry, resentful, at times hateful towards my husband (Daddy). I lost the woman he met and fell in love with. It was so bad I threatened divorce because I no longer knew how to be happy. 


At this point, I discovered the world of BDSM. I realized I didn't want to be in control, I hated it!!! I desired someone else taking the reins, them telling me what to do. This whole time, I was trying to get the desired "good girl" from my mother and to please her. Instead I should have been focused on pleasing my husband (Daddy), his wants and needs. During my self discovery moment he had a epiphany himself. HE NEEDED TO BE IN COMPLETE CONTROL!  Our whole dynamic changed. We became what we once were, but better, stronger, happier. My little side is no longer denied. She happily dances through life bringing joy to both Daddy and I. Not only did she bring back the world of magic and wonder to me but to Daddy as well.


 I still hear "Will you ever grow up!?" from my mother. Now though I look at Daddy and giggle and respond "I hope not!"  Never deny part of yourself to please others. Just be you! Enjoy all the magic the world has to offer.

 

 

 

1 month ago. Wed 25 Sep 2019 02:27:18 AM IDT

Moments from the past are still there. They no longer cut like small knives. I am numb to the pain they caused. My tears have dried, my nightmares have disappeared. The girl I was is no longer me. I am a survivor of abuse, but the abuse does not define who I will be. I am stronger now than I was yesterday. Now there is only tomorrow and the days that follow. The moments of happiness to come. Now I am the smiles that will tickle my lips. The sparkle that will appear in my eyes. The giggle that will dance from my mouth and float in the wind. I will be the woman who twirls, so her skirt swirls, and brushes around her legs in the same carefree manner l vow to live life. I am healed. I am happy. I am beautiful. I am whole again. 

 

 

 

 

 

1 month ago. Tue 24 Sep 2019 03:37:50 PM IDT

When I first came to this lifestyle, I was so overwhelmed with all the different subsets. I felt like I had to pick one and that was what I was and I couldn't change or modify myself. I went through the list, but felt like none were 100 percent what I was. I questioned then if I truly belonged here. After a lot of research and talking to people,  I slowly came to the realization that it is okay to not be fully one sub type. I am a fruit salad mix of many. 

A large percentage of me is little girl (age 8-14 depending on my mood, aka middle girl). At first I thought this meant I had Daddy issues. I learned that no, it means I take joy in the simple things; drawing, Disney movies, stuffies, anime, and everything pink!!! If it's sparkly and glittericious, I WANT IT!!  As a lg, I am carefree and happy more often. I dance, sing, skip, giggle, laugh. I crave cuddles and attention. I may pout and baby talk at times. I often turn to this side when I am overwhelmed or extremely excited. But to be honest, she is never far from the surface. She can be seen in everyday moments just with how I say or do things. All these things do not make me less of a woman, less sexual and sensual. I can't speak for all lg's, but this side of me is not the one who often comes out in the bedroom. 

I have a large percentage in me that is a Brat. She is a tease. She is the one who sends naughty photos to Daddy with suggestive words. She is often the part of me apparent when I write my erotic stories, as they usually are tongue in cheek. She likes to test Daddy's willpower by pushing to see what she can get away with, but in no way is she disrespectful. I have begun to think she exasperates Daddy, but he also seems to enjoy the challenge, as I often catch him smirking over her antics. She and my Masochistic side are best friends. She causes the trouble that leads to the painful spankings my Maso side craves and loves. That's right I love pain. We haven't figured out how much pain yet, but let's just say I had a C-section and took no pain meds for it after. So I have a very high pain tolerance. I often challenge Daddy to hit harder because I say I don't feel it. I'm sure he does feel it lol. I like my nipples bit, pinched, and clamped. Same goes for my clit. I like my clit smacked, and no, I don't mean a love tap. She enjoys being tied up or incapacitated and spanked, flogged or a switch taken to her whole body. No I may not be a extreme Maso but I have enough in me that would make a Vanilla person shudder. I enjoy taking photos of Daddy's Mark's on me just so I can oooh and ahhh over them later. There are times she disapears and I am not in the mood for pain. This is when I have to be in touch with my needs and let Daddy know.

Now meet my Kitten. I love animalistic sex with scratching (to point of blood), biting (leaves bruises), loud moaning and screaming that even neighbors can hear. I love wearing my cat ears with bells, and having my nails done as stilettos to look like claws. Daddy said he is going to buy me a tail butt plug 😍. I will rub and stroke my body against his body, mew in disappoint when he stops petting me, I enjoy being stroked head to bottom, and licking Daddy randomly. I bite in frustration, or claw... which leads to punishment. But once again I am not wholly pet. There are things that those who truly immerse themselves into the pet mind enjoy, that I get no pleasure from. I'm not bad mouthing their kink. It just doesn't fit me. 

I have been told I have a good bit of slave in me but I denied it a lot in the beginning. I'm still honestly trying to figure out how I fit in this subset. To be honest, now I feel I am a mix of slave and submissive. I know I need to submit total power to my Daddy. It gives my chaotic world a sense of control. I get overwhelmed with options and prefer him to just be in control of everything. I like him approving my food, clothing, beauty choices, but if I really want something I do try to negotiate (no, not top from bottom). I am to exercise daily. He sets up all my Dr appointments and beauty ones. He attends all with me, because interacting with other people at times scares me, he provides a sense of safety. During the week I am not allowed TV, just my phone and books. I have a chore list that is expected to be finished by the end of day. He approves of my friends I am allowed to talk to, because even with my trust issues, I am gullible and like to see the best in everyone. It keeps me from being hurt or taken advantage of. I have a bedtime I have to stick to. Even when my brat side is out I am extremely obedient. He says stop, it stops. He tells me to do something, I do it. I live to please him. The thought that he is unhappy with me brings me to tears. Hearing praise or I am a Good Girl is better than any chocolate, stuffy or love words I have or could ever receive. I fully admit that I have a problem saying no. I want to please him so much that at times I will do things that make me uncomfortable or may not like. His sexual pleasure and satisfaction in the bedroom is my goal. I will use my tongue to caress and lick...my mouth to suck and bite..hands to stroke and tug. He is allowed use of all 3 of my holes in anyway that pleases him.

So as you can see, I am not just one subtype. Instead, they are all little bits and pieces of what makes up me. By realizing that, I have come to think of submissives as snowflakes...no two are exactly alike. Pick and choose what you like and just be the best sub you can be for your Dom/Domme.

 

 

1 month ago. Mon 23 Sep 2019 03:04:51 PM IDT

I submitted. Now what?

 

Today's topic will be a continuation letter to New Submissives. These are things to look out for to make sure you are in a healthy D/s dynamic. Please feel free to chime in with any that I may have missed or corrections in the comments. I am still learning them myself.

1. Use of safe words:

These are needed for your mental and physical health. At times you may be too overwhelmed in a scene or even every day life to be able to express yourself in sentences. These words can, and should, stop what is happening in its tracks so you and your Dom can discuss what went wrong or why you felt overwhelmed.

2. Continuing your education:

Your Dom should not only try to guide you himself, but also encourage you to continue to educate yourself about the lifestyle. We should never stop learning.

3. Your Dom should be concerned about your mental, physical, and emotional well being at all times. No, they may not coddle you, but they should always be mindful of these three things.

4. If it is a new D/s dynamic, it shouldn't be all sex or play all the time. There should be some conversations so you can each discover turn ons, turn offs, limits, maybe punishment ideas depending on Dom, maybe tasks or things you would like to accomplish for submissive or personal growth. Discussing what you hope/want/need to develop in your dynamic together. Hopes and dreams for future. How much power exchange you want or can give. How much time you can commit to the dynamic. Same can be discussed about what power exchange level they want and their time availability. What they want or expect from you and vice versa. If you want a monogamous relationship, no other subs...although, this should have been discussed before you chose to submit. If you truly didn't like something done with a scene, you should be using safe words, but other wise let them know about a new hard or soft limit you discovered. Consistency is also important, things shouldn't be ignored or changed at a whim. Communication is very important. Doms are not mind readers or phsychics.

-Contracts or a document listing everything you discussed and finalized is a good reference to look back to when problems or questions arise. You can even agree to revisit them at certain periods of time to revise and discuss what is or is not working and change them to fit your growing relationship. I have heard of some changing them every 3 to 6 months. Negotiations are important so you both are happy with the relationship you are in. We change as we grow, as do they, so it's always a good idea to revisit these documents.

5. Know that there is always a release option if, no matter how hard you try to work things out with your Dom, it just doesnt pan out. Try to converse first so they have a chance to help fix or figure out problems, but if that is not working, then this is always a option. Out of respect, don't ghost your Dom. Ask to be formally released so you both have closure. Now, there may be instances you can't; example they are extremely abusive and don't want to release you.

6. They can help you discover who or what you are as a submissive, but don't let them brainwash you into a sub-set you aren't just because that's what they desire. Example: you are definitely a little but they tell you you're 100% slave and ignore and don't nurture your little side.

7. Always be Safe, Sane, and Consensual.
- don't let your emotions cloud your judgment or self preservation

8. Trust is #1 for both of you! If you can't trust the Dom, then it's safe to say you should truly think about why you want to submit to them. You are putting your life in their hands. This is not something to take lightly.

9. Now this is just my opinion, but I feel like they should not isolate you from the outside world or people. This can be a bad thing if they are abusive or brainwashing you. You have no way to get help to save yourself or to get support if needed.

10. Know your Hard and Soft limits!! These are very important. Saying I am willing to try everything, or not saying no to anything, just because you're not willing to sit down and think about what your limits are, is so problematic. It can lead to a lot of emotional, mental, and physical damage. It can also place a lot of stress on your Dom as they are unsure of how far they can take things. You can be willing to push your limits with the agreement to go slow and the use of safe words to get out of the scene if it is too much.

I am sure there is so much more to list. I will update this upon recommendations of ones or as I think of more.

Also know there are so many people within the community to reach out to with questions or problems. Never worry about being judged. If you are stuck in a bad situation reach out so someone can help and or rescue you.

 

 

 

1 month ago. Sun 22 Sep 2019 05:06:38 PM IDT

Yes I know this is my second blog of the day. This needs to be said. It has been on my mind for days bothering me. Almost painful in its intense hammering and yearning to be put out there. So here we go.

 

This is a letter to all the New Impressionable Subs. I am sure your mailboxes are being deluged with messages from Doms of all kinds. It can be overwhelming. I have been there. Even collared I still get messages. Some Doms feel they have the right to claim you as theirs and you have no choice. WRONG! Your submission is yours to give. Go slow, have conversations, learn who the Dom is beyond... "Your Mine, you live to serve me". Don't rush the decision, because the power you hand over is heady and intoxicating. In the wrong hands it can be misused and you can end up physically, emotionally, and mentally scarred. Don't fall for the sweet sugary words some pour upon you. Claiming you are a beauty, sweet, the only one they need. This can pull a shade over your eyes and you fail to look deeper, because more than likely you need to hear these things. This is a ploy to batter past your defenses, don't fall for it. Look beyond it and seek a deeper connection.

Pff sometimes a Dom may have hidden subs you have no clue about. If he isn't willing to put your tag next to his name when he claims you, I implore you question why. Does he have a reason such as not wanting these other subs knowing of your existence in his life? Contact, if possible, his past subs. Find out why they were released. Sometimes the image you see of a Dom is a mask hiding a snake, whose only purpose is nudes and the sense of satisfaction knowing you are powerless to him. Question the length of time and experience he truly has. It is easy to say he has 10-15-20 years experience, but truly that experience could be all his fantasies in his mind. I'm not saying there are not amazing Doms on here. Whose whole reason for living is to nurture your submissive side, to help you grow, and protect you, because there are. I have talked to many of them. But they are far out numbered by the ones who come here for the power rush, fulfillment of their kinky desires. Yes you may be submissive, but you have rights to know the person you are submitting to. Stop, think, listen and question. Don't lose yourself in your submissive state, and unknowingly put yourself in the wrong hands. Don't ignore red flags. Feel free to message other subs you may talk to for input. They can see things you may not, because they are not overpowered by feelings. Be safe, protect yourself, and enjoy the ride.