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Ever Evolving

Expression of my thoughts, feelings, and me growing to love my side I kept hidden.
19 hours ago. Thu 19 Sep 2019 12:26:46 AM IDT

There are times in life you have to walk away from a person. No matter how close you may be, or even if they truly need you. It could be to avoid drama, or could be you need to figure yourself out. It could be they slowly stopped talking to you, and you're the one who finally cuts the string. Sometimes it is emotional and hard, other times as easy as just throwing away a piece of paper. Just be true to yourself and know the decision you are making is the right one. Move on and never look back with regret. Be grateful for the happy moments they gave you and the support given when you needed it. Your lives are no longer entwined and you now will become two separate people and sometimes even strangers. Look out for your happiness first and walk forward in life with a smile.

 

 

2 days ago. Tue 17 Sep 2019 04:00:54 AM IDT

So today was a very eye opening day. For those who do not know I am married but I had a secret craving for things that I worried my husband would frown upon, possibly be turned off by. It took me a long time to open up to him about my darker and deeper desires. He was very shocked needless to say, as well as uncertain of what true BDSM is, as opposed to what was projected in 50 Shades of Gray. It has been drilled into his head that living this lifestyle was frowned upon. This led to a mutual agreement that I could search for a Dom to fulfill my needs. During this period of time, unbeknownst to me, he began to read, research, and educate himself on the different aspects of the lifestyle. It came as a complete shock when he sat me down and told me that he honestly felt this is something he truly desired and needed in his life as well. Our marriage has had some issues, largely because I unwillingly took the role of the dominant in our marriage which left me unhappy and unsatisfied. At the same time, it left him feeling emasculated. We talked for 5 hours today, deeply discussing every little detail. We discussed our feelings, thoughts, needs, desires, limits, punishments, rewards, rules etc. In the end, we both came to the mutual decision to travel this journey together, and grow as a couple in the lifestyle.

3 days ago. Mon 16 Sep 2019 03:15:42 PM IDT

I am the woman who wants to still believe in fairytales. Who at times, is afraid of the things that go bump in the Dark. I dream of the white knight in slightly tarnished armour who will protect me. I love all things that glitter and shine, my eyes go wide in wonder. My favorite color is pink. I would love if my whole wardrobe could be all ribbons and pearls and sweetly feminine. I often dance and sing and giggle like a little girl. I will bounce on my toes jumping and clapping, my eyes sparkling in joy. I'm sensitive and there are moments I easily cry. I want to please and be told I am a good girl. I like to believe everyone is innately good, though I am smart enough to realize this isn't always true. If I give you my trust cherish it, because it is very hard for me to. I have demons that haunt me. I find it easier to trust animals as like me they are loyal, loving and don't want to harm you. In past I have blindly followed others and didn't question or speak my opinions or feelings, though recently I have found my voice. I love cuddles and affection, Daddy's little smirk at my antics.

 

There is this other side of me that is slowly coming out. She is darkly sensual. She scoffs at the girly wardrobe and says let have peekaboo lace panties, curve hugging clothing, and sexy lingerie. She craves things that flusters and makes my good side blush. She needs to be allowed to explore her sexuality and not be suppressed anymore. I embrace her yet at same time she scares me. She may be challenging at times but never disrespectful, more of a bratty tease. That stern voice and look makes her moan and pant. She desires the sting of pain on her ass and clit, hands wrapped around her throat and making it hard to breath, being forcefully taken for his pleasure. This sides eyes gleam in pleasure and wickedly invites you to show her more. The problem is at times this side overwhelms and overrides common sense. The good girl side says no, take it slow...be careful....stick to your limits. The sensual side laughs and says what's limits. She wants to just open herself up to so many sensations, and new experiences, but she doesn't stop to think,  just feels. I have come to accept and love her. Now I am finding a balance between the two sides. Using the common sense from the one to keep the other safe. Allowing the others curiosity open me up to new experiences. For her slightly more outspoken bratty side to protect me from harm. By nurturing and accepting both sides I have come to realize what a beautiful, amazing, sexy woman I am.  No one can take that from me without my permission.

 

 

 

4 days ago. Sun 15 Sep 2019 03:30:38 PM IDT

While yes I am a very sexual and sensual kitten, I want more from my D/S dynamic. I want a meeting of minds, emotions, a desire to be around each other. I love flowery words like every other woman, but don't just say them to make my panties drop to my ankles. They mean more when they aren't said all the time and instead said with true meaning and value. I don't want to be treated only as some real life plastic blow up doll he can use to sate his lust. Yes I crave to please my Daddy and make him proud that I am his. But I would hope he also wants to keep me mentally, emotionally and yes sexually satisfied as well. Sorry for the rant I am just tired of the inbox messages from Doms who haven't bothered to read my profile, don't care to know me or what led me to want to be in the lifestyle. To learn who or what I am as submissive. There have been a few amazing Doms who I have met and I am able to carry long meaningful conversations with them. Then there are ones I just say boy bye! Please don't mistake just because I am a submissive I don't have my own mind, wants, desires, needs, thoughts. Nurture them and I could turn into one of the most amazing subs you met. Ignore them and I will walk away without a second glance. 

 

 

1 week ago. Wed 11 Sep 2019 03:24:52 PM IDT

First introductions have always been hard for me. I am shy. Sometimes the person is infectious and bubbly and it sets me at ease. These are the people I open up to easily. The woman I met this morning has a gorgeous tentative smile. You can tell she wants to become friends but is afraid of rejection. There is a pain and strength in her brown eyes. A determination to keep going. She seems kind and warm hearted. Silly as well. She assures me if I allow her to get close she will be the one person who will always be there for me. She will help me through my bad times and be a pillar of strength for me. I couldn't help but feel drawn to her. To get to know her. Possibly fall in love with her.This woman is beyond amazing, she is the reflection of me in the mirror. That's right the woman, the stranger, I am talking about is myself. It's time I learn who I am as a woman. To not mould myself to be the idea image for others. Instead love my flaws, love my insecurities, accept and appreciate my past as it is why I am me. I am a incredibly strong woman even in my weakness. If I can't love myself how can I expect someone else to want to love me. I need to seek out information and educate myself more on all aspects of what this lifestyle is and how I fit into it. Only then can I decided who this woman is and help her along her journey. To those of you who are there to help me along my path. Thank you and I truly appreciate all the patience, understanding and friendship you show me.

 

 

 

1 week ago. Mon 09 Sep 2019 08:56:04 PM IDT

Hands tied to the bed rails. Legs tied splayed open. A opaque scarf covering your eyes, blocking out all light. Ear plugs suppressing all sounds but the beat of your heart in your body. It is racing in anticipation while you are laying, waiting, unsure what is going to happen. Your skin is sensitive in its uncertain vulnerability. First you smell him, that spicy smell of his cologne. There is a brush of cold air across your thigh. You gasp at the sensation. A soft trailing tickle up the other thigh. You moan only able to feel. A tongue dips into your navel. You strain against your bonds. A cold air blows a straight line up your stomach to your chest. A icy wetness appears and trails over your naked breast. Water drips slowly down resting on your nipple. A warm wet tongue lazily licks it off. The coldness makes a path back down between your breasts...down your stomach...across your pubic bone, then stops, and is removed. You wait, wondering what is next. Ice cold fingers flick your clit. You pant and moan. Slow leisurely strokes drive you out of your mind. Then his fingers disappear. You can feel his breath in what you assume is a chuckle against your thigh. He enjoys teasing you. Not giving you what you crave. Knowing you are helpless and all you can do is feel. Then heated breath appears close to your clit, you wait, not daring to breath, wondering when his warm tongue will touch you. What does he plan to do to you? All you can do and lay there and be a slave to tactile sensations. Daddy is in complete control and you are subject to his every whim and desire. Are you willing to relinquish all power and just feel?

 

 

 

 

1 week ago. Mon 09 Sep 2019 01:55:56 PM IDT

The rain falls softly like tears. Gently landing on the window panes and trickling downwards. The sun has been obliterated by the dark clouds. The door has been closed and locked. The demons have been left outside to look in. Their glowing eyes still cause you to shiver, but you know they can no longer hurt you. But still the fear and memories of past pain haunt you. You're strong and you will rise above. Your scars will slowly fade. There may be a day when a demon slips through the keyhole but you can overcome it. Sit and wait patiently. Daddy will make everything right again. Just believe.

 

 

 

 

1 week ago. Sun 08 Sep 2019 02:47:26 PM IDT

I have scars. Ones you will never see. They run deep, and they are jagged. The edges may never fully heal. They started when I was just a child and continued from there.

Under the age of three I was placed in foster care. To float from home to home. Never knowing where and to whom I belonged to. There were days I would not be fed or days I did not have clothing. I was abused for the entertainment of sick twisted men. My soul was broken at a young age. I learned to mistrust and to hide within myself. I was almost feral in my hatred of others. 

At three I thought I finally found my home, my happy place. I was adopted by a loving Woman whom I now call my mother, and a man who I shall grow to hate. The abuse didn't just disapear and stop because I found my home. Oh no, it seemed my home belonged to the Devil himself. The anger this man had could not be contained. There were belt welts, blood, bruises that kept me home from school for days until they faded. I would sit crying, hiding behind the couch, watching him beat the woman I call mother unconscious. Sick and nauseous knowing once she was, it was my turn. This went on for years. Until one day he decided to empty the bank accounts, sell our home, and disappear. It was a God send.

My mother and I struggled for years barely making ends meet. But we had each other. The physical pain was gone, but the mental anguish would always be at the forefront of our minds. I started work as soon as I was old enough, I wanted to help  relieve  some of my mother's financial burden. I made no time for friends, in my mind at the time people couldn't be trusted. So I focused on my studies and got straight A's. I finished high school a year early and went right into college. 

I finally felt like maybe, just maybe I could finally relax to enjoy life. My mother had remarried and it finally seemed like life was happy. I was very popular in college, I had made a ton of friends. It seemed I finally could bury my past and finally move on. That was until one night when I was 19 and at a party, I had too much fun, one too many beers. I passed out on a bed only to open my blurry  eyes at the pain inside, to feel the weight, to hear the grunts. Alchohol was my saving grace. It help me slip back into unconsciousness, to not know what was happening to me. While passed out my friend rescued me, but by then it was too late. I had lost the one thing that was mine, that I thought no one could take from me. That I had hoped with it I could make one special memory in my life. That I could share and choose to give it to the first man I loved. But instead he stole my virginity. I may not remember the physical act much itself, but I remember the anguish and aftermath. My rapist chose not to use a condom. I was not on the pill, I had never had a need to be. So filled with shame I had to go to a clinic to get the morning after pill. I had to wait a month until I was truly certain no pregnancy  had resulted. The pain of asking a Dr to perform a STD test and having to explain why was unbearable. The wait for the results was worse. Thankfully a pregnancy did not happen and the STD report came back negative. 

I lost my right as a woman to give my consent. I lost the only possession that was truly mine. I cut out all my friends, I hid within myself again. I did not allow a man to touch my body until I was 23. At that time I met the most amazing man, or so I had thought. He didn't push for more, he got to know me. He let me be the one to choose us being intimate. Once I did though I became overwhelmed. He had a sexual appetite I had never believed was possible. Sex was to happen whenever and wherever, however he chose. He pushed my boundaries and limits made me do things I felt uncomfortable with... why didn't I leave, why did I stay? Because he said he loved me. I had lost my self value and worth and wanted someone to care. This continued on until one day I found him in bed with my friend. He chuckled at my bewildered tears. Said I was never woman enough to fully satisfy him. He took my clothes and possessions threw them at me and kicked me out from his home and his life.

I was broken and shattered again. At this point I wasn't  sure how much more I could take. But I kept hope. A year later I met another broken individual one who had so much torment in his past like I did. He had turned to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain. When I met him he had been sober for 2 years. We bonded over our pain, grew close, and fell in love. He proposed on Christmas and I said yes. We moved in together. Life was finally happy. But as I learned it doesn't last. One day, when his pain was too much he turned to alcohol again. He beat me until my eyes were black and swollen, my face unrecognizable, and he broke 2 of my ribs. I crawled to the bathroom and called my stepfather to save me. He showed up with my stepbrother. Now both of these men are not little in any means. They were both 6 foot 5 and built like a tank. Needless to say once they were done with my ex fiancee he would think twice to lift his hand at a woman again. I moved back home. I hid in my room and finally lost the last piece of myself. I became a ghost just floating through life never truly experiencing it. 

It took years for me to finally become close, to be willing to trust any man again. To this day I still have moments of extreme timidness. I apologize too much to avoid disappointing or angering people, loud sounds and sudden movements terrify me. Crowds overwhelm me. Soft sensual touches make my skin crawl. Being ignored is something I truly take to heart, I feel abandoned and unwanted. Often I end up in tears. 

1 week ago. Sat 07 Sep 2019 01:11:39 PM IDT

I adjust the temperature of the shower. Warm steam starts to billow out into the room. I glance in the mirror as I begin to undress. Gently one by one I slide my dress straps off my shoulders and slowly down my arms. The top glides down past my breast and I leave it to sit on my full hips. The mirror shows my peaches and cream colored nipples standing out against my milky white skin. Immediately they harden from the cold air. This week the rule is No Bra or Panties. I have found it highly erotic walking around, my clothing brushing my skin and nothing in between. I cup my breasts and roll and tug the nipples between my fingers. I am so sensitized now that the sight and feeling make me moan softly. The area between my legs quivers and clenches. Wetness begins to trickle out. I slowly stroke both hands down my sides to where my dress sits and push it off my hips. It gracefully flows down my legs and lands in a puddle of fabric on the floor. My one hand cups a breast again, while the other trails down my stomach to stroke over my mound. One perfectly manicured finger slips between my smooth hairless lips, zoning in on my little nub. The first graze causes me to moan. I close my eyes and images of you dance through my mind. It is not my hands on this body but yours. It is no longer my body, but Masters. The thought makes me bite my lip and I fantasize about your strong capable hands on me.

A noise breaks through my conscious. A firm clearing of a throat. I slowly open my eyes and they clash with a steel blue gaze. I gasp.

"What are you doing my little slut? Did I say you could touch my property?" You sharply bite out. There is something in your hands. You tap it impatiently against the other palm while you glare at me, waiting for your answer. I gulp and manage to squeak out.

"No master"

"TURN AROUND! ...Put your hands on the sink...Spread your legs and bend over!" As you bark the odors there is anger and disappoint flowing out with each word.

I quickly comply. This position leaves my aching mound wide open, you can see how wet and swollen I am. You reach down and cup me in your hand and give me a hard squeeze.

" This is mine slut. No one, not even you, gets to touch it without permission. Do you understand me"

"Yes."

"Yes what whore?'

"Yes Master I understand"

" I don't think you do my precious cunt,... but you will." Your fingers are softly stroking my clit, dipping inside me and making me moan and my eyes close. You withdraw your hand. I whimper missing your touch. There was no warning just the sudden sharp sting of the flogger on my sensitive clit. I gasp and cry out at the sudden pain. Tears well up in my corners of my eyes. I am hit again sharply on my clit. I instinctively try to close my legs to stop the pain. " Oh, no you don't! Open them wider!!!". I comply to Masters demand. The cruel snap on my clit from the flogger resumed.

I'm not sure when the pain began to mingle with pleasure. But slowly my cries of pain turned into moans of sharp ecstacy. The hits become less frequent and then taper off to nothing. I look in the mirror and lock eyes with you. Your eyes sparkle with lust and are filled with pride. You walk forward, unzip your pants and slide full force into me. No warning just sudden fullness inside me. You bend your body over mine one hand on my hip the other wrapped around my throat squeezing.

" Whose property is this?" Each word enunciated deeply with each thrust of your cock into me.

"Yours Master" I gasp, barely able to breath. Your fingers begin to dig hard into my hips as you increase your strength of your thrusts.

" That's right my whore and don't you forget it" You bite me hard on my neck. I know I will carry the mark for days, but right now Master's pleasure and claim on this body is all that matters.........

 

 

1 week ago. Fri 06 Sep 2019 04:52:15 PM IDT

I pad softly down the hallway in my little nightie. Silenty sneaking through the dark. Master had tucked me into bed a hour ago saying he would be in soon,but had some work to do. I'm supposed to be sleeping but I can't. Something is keeping me awake. A sense I am needed. I walk into your office and I spot you at your desk. I can tell how you are holding your shoulders you are tired and stressed. I walk up silently next to you. I don't know if you grown accustomed to my smell or if you have a sixth sense when it comes to me but you turn around. Your eyes land on me. I know the light behind me makes my nightie see through. That you can see every inch of me. The sight makes your breath catch.

"Baby Girl you're supposed to be in my bed asleep" you admonish.

"I know Master, I am sorry. But I couldn't sleep" I smile, my eyes sparkling full of love. You try to frown but we both know you are a sucker for my smiles. You sigh and chuckle a little. When did you become so tantalized by just a simple smile?

You reach forward and put your hands on my hips to pull me onto your lap. I place my hand on your chest and shake my head to stop you. You frown and start to say something but stop when I lower myself to my knees in front of you. I may get corrected for this later but this need is growing and I have to do this for my Master.

I untuck your shirt from your pants. And slowly start unbuttoning it from the bottom up. As each button opens I kiss the skin that is revealed. By time I reach the top one I am crouching between your legs. I spread you shirt open and moan in delight at the sight of your chest. I straddle your legs. Pressing my wet mound against you. I can feel you are getting aroused. I lean forward and nip at your chin soothing the sting with my tongue. At the same time your hands have come around me to cup my ass. You massage gently squeezing and moulding it. I moan by your ear. We both know you are just playing along, I am not the one in charge.

I place my lips to your neck. Licking up the salt flavor with relish. I moan in delight at your taste and suck gently above your pulse. I can feel it beating hard in response to me. You pull my hips closer to you and do that slow grinding motion we both know drives me crazy. I pant, my cheeks flush, my nipples turn into little hard pebbles. I slowly shake my head remembering the task at hand. I almost got distracted. I push away from you and stand up. Before you can say anything I have taken my position in front of you on my knees again. You suddenly realize what is going on and smile lazily. You pat my head and that is all the permission I need. I reach forward and unclasp your belt buckle, unsnap your button and unzip you pants. I bite my lips in anticipation. My one hand slides into your pants encountering your already hard cock. I moan in delight as I release you from the confines of your pants, then sit there just staring in awe at the gift Master is allowing me. Precum pearls on the tip. I move closer and lower my head. My tongue flicks out reverently licking the essence coming from you. I can't help but moan lowly in my throat at the taste. I look up, staring at your face. Your eyes are half mast watching and waiting to see what I do. I press a soft kiss against the tip trailing little butterfly kisses to the underside of of the head. Usually at this point your hands are in my hair guiding my mouth onto you, but this time you are watching me with those amazing lustfilled eyes of yours.

I use soft slow licks to move from your tip to your base. Your pants won't go wide enough for what I want to do. I whimper in distress not knowing what to do. You chuckle and take pity on me. Lifting your hips up and sliding your pants down then fully off. I look up at you with so much love shining in my eyes and I smile in gratitude. I place my cheek on your thigh and just breath in the scent of your arousal. I can feel my juices trickling out of me. My mouth nuzzles your balls. They are so warm and soft against my lips. Gently I tease with the tip of my tongue. Then kiss softly and allow my mouth to encompass them. The warmth and wetness surrounding them brings forth a low rumble in your chest. I continue to suck and tease then draw my mouth slowly off. I broaden my tongue and place it flat against the underside of the base of your cock. Using long slow licks from base to tip to inflame you more. You shift a little, your hand comes to rest in my hair. I take one last lick and then kiss your tip lovingly again. I press my mouth down, slowly opening my lips wider to allow your head to slide into it. My small hand wraps around the base of your cock holding it firmly, while I move my lips back and forth over the ridge between the head of your cock and the shaft. My mouth slowly glides down you and my tongue presses firmly curved against the underside of your cock. The taste of your salty sweet cum mixes with my saliva. A moan of pleasure escapes me, causing my mouth to vibrate around you. Your hand grips harder in my hair. My lips tighten around you more, forming a tight seal. You can't help yourself any more and start guiding my head up and down. Your hips thrusting up at times pushing you deeper into my throat. I gag a little but don't signal for you to stop. I want you to use this mouth that belongs to you any way you please. My free hand reaches down and tugs gently on your balls, rolling them around in my palm as I continue to pleasure with my mouth. I can feel you swelling and getting harder. Your hands are gripping harder in my hair, your breathing gets heavier, your eyes now mear slits because of the ecstasy. You start to mercilessly fuck my throat, you can no longer let me lead. I can feel you throbbing in my mouth the veins vibrating and I groan in anticipation of what is to soon come. With a low deep groan you find your release. Your cum flows down inside my throat, coats my tongue and fills my mouth. The taste of you is intoxicating and I can't get enough. Your hips slow, your hands gentle and you relax your hold on me. I pull my mouth off and use my tongue to reverently clean up every every last drop. Not daring to waste any.

I look up at you, lick my lips and smile. Your eyes are filled with so much love. You slowly draw me up on your lap and hold me in your arms. Nuzzling the top of my head. You speak softly " How did you know I needed you?"

I kiss you gently "I just did". You hold me there in your arms for a while enjoying the closeness of our bodies. Standing up,  still holding me in your arms, you carry my back to bed. This time you stay with me, holding me wrapped in your arms. Work can wait until tomorrow.