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Ever Evolving

Expression of my thoughts, feelings, and me growing to love my side I kept hidden.
8 months ago. Sep 25, 2019, 2:27 AM

Moments from the past are still there. They no longer cut like small knives. I am numb to the pain they caused. My tears have dried, my nightmares have disappeared. The girl I was is no longer me. I am a survivor of abuse, but the abuse does not define who I will be. I am stronger now than I was yesterday. Now there is only tomorrow and the days that follow. The moments of happiness to come. Now I am the smiles that will tickle my lips. The sparkle that will appear in my eyes. The giggle that will dance from my mouth and float in the wind. I will be the woman who twirls, so her skirt swirls, and brushes around her legs in the same carefree manner l vow to live life. I am healed. I am happy. I am beautiful. I am whole again. 

 

 

 

 

 

8 months ago. Sep 24, 2019, 3:37 PM

When I first came to this lifestyle, I was so overwhelmed with all the different subsets. I felt like I had to pick one and that was what I was and I couldn't change or modify myself. I went through the list, but felt like none were 100 percent what I was. I questioned then if I truly belonged here. After a lot of research and talking to people,  I slowly came to the realization that it is okay to not be fully one sub type. I am a fruit salad mix of many. 

A large percentage of me is little girl (age 8-14 depending on my mood, aka middle girl). At first I thought this meant I had Daddy issues. I learned that no, it means I take joy in the simple things; drawing, Disney movies, stuffies, anime, and everything pink!!! If it's sparkly and glittericious, I WANT IT!!  As a lg, I am carefree and happy more often. I dance, sing, skip, giggle, laugh. I crave cuddles and attention. I may pout and baby talk at times. I often turn to this side when I am overwhelmed or extremely excited. But to be honest, she is never far from the surface. She can be seen in everyday moments just with how I say or do things. All these things do not make me less of a woman, less sexual and sensual. I can't speak for all lg's, but this side of me is not the one who often comes out in the bedroom. 

I have a large percentage in me that is a Brat. She is a tease. She is the one who sends naughty photos to Daddy with suggestive words. She is often the part of me apparent when I write my erotic stories, as they usually are tongue in cheek. She likes to test Daddy's willpower by pushing to see what she can get away with, but in no way is she disrespectful. I have begun to think she exasperates Daddy, but he also seems to enjoy the challenge, as I often catch him smirking over her antics. She and my Masochistic side are best friends. She causes the trouble that leads to the painful spankings my Maso side craves and loves. That's right I love pain. We haven't figured out how much pain yet, but let's just say I had a C-section and took no pain meds for it after. So I have a very high pain tolerance. I often challenge Daddy to hit harder because I say I don't feel it. I'm sure he does feel it lol. I like my nipples bit, pinched, and clamped. Same goes for my clit. I like my clit smacked, and no, I don't mean a love tap. She enjoys being tied up or incapacitated and spanked, flogged or a switch taken to her whole body. No I may not be a extreme Maso but I have enough in me that would make a Vanilla person shudder. I enjoy taking photos of Daddy's Mark's on me just so I can oooh and ahhh over them later. There are times she disapears and I am not in the mood for pain. This is when I have to be in touch with my needs and let Daddy know.

Now meet my Kitten. I love animalistic sex with scratching (to point of blood), biting (leaves bruises), loud moaning and screaming that even neighbors can hear. I love wearing my cat ears with bells, and having my nails done as stilettos to look like claws. Daddy said he is going to buy me a tail butt plug 😍. I will rub and stroke my body against his body, mew in disappoint when he stops petting me, I enjoy being stroked head to bottom, and licking Daddy randomly. I bite in frustration, or claw... which leads to punishment. But once again I am not wholly pet. There are things that those who truly immerse themselves into the pet mind enjoy, that I get no pleasure from. I'm not bad mouthing their kink. It just doesn't fit me. 

I have been told I have a good bit of slave in me but I denied it a lot in the beginning. I'm still honestly trying to figure out how I fit in this subset. To be honest, now I feel I am a mix of slave and submissive. I know I need to submit total power to my Daddy. It gives my chaotic world a sense of control. I get overwhelmed with options and prefer him to just be in control of everything. I like him approving my food, clothing, beauty choices, but if I really want something I do try to negotiate (no, not top from bottom). I am to exercise daily. He sets up all my Dr appointments and beauty ones. He attends all with me, because interacting with other people at times scares me, he provides a sense of safety. During the week I am not allowed TV, just my phone and books. I have a chore list that is expected to be finished by the end of day. He approves of my friends I am allowed to talk to, because even with my trust issues, I am gullible and like to see the best in everyone. It keeps me from being hurt or taken advantage of. I have a bedtime I have to stick to. Even when my brat side is out I am extremely obedient. He says stop, it stops. He tells me to do something, I do it. I live to please him. The thought that he is unhappy with me brings me to tears. Hearing praise or I am a Good Girl is better than any chocolate, stuffy or love words I have or could ever receive. I fully admit that I have a problem saying no. I want to please him so much that at times I will do things that make me uncomfortable or may not like. His sexual pleasure and satisfaction in the bedroom is my goal. I will use my tongue to caress and lick...my mouth to suck and bite..hands to stroke and tug. He is allowed use of all 3 of my holes in anyway that pleases him.

So as you can see, I am not just one subtype. Instead, they are all little bits and pieces of what makes up me. By realizing that, I have come to think of submissives as snowflakes...no two are exactly alike. Pick and choose what you like and just be the best sub you can be for your Dom/Domme.

 

 

8 months ago. Sep 23, 2019, 3:04 PM

I submitted. Now what?

 

Today's topic will be a continuation letter to New Submissives. These are things to look out for to make sure you are in a healthy D/s dynamic. Please feel free to chime in with any that I may have missed or corrections in the comments. I am still learning them myself.

1. Use of safe words:

These are needed for your mental and physical health. At times you may be too overwhelmed in a scene or even every day life to be able to express yourself in sentences. These words can, and should, stop what is happening in its tracks so you and your Dom can discuss what went wrong or why you felt overwhelmed.

2. Continuing your education:

Your Dom should not only try to guide you himself, but also encourage you to continue to educate yourself about the lifestyle. We should never stop learning.

3. Your Dom should be concerned about your mental, physical, and emotional well being at all times. No, they may not coddle you, but they should always be mindful of these three things.

4. If it is a new D/s dynamic, it shouldn't be all sex or play all the time. There should be some conversations so you can each discover turn ons, turn offs, limits, maybe punishment ideas depending on Dom, maybe tasks or things you would like to accomplish for submissive or personal growth. Discussing what you hope/want/need to develop in your dynamic together. Hopes and dreams for future. How much power exchange you want or can give. How much time you can commit to the dynamic. Same can be discussed about what power exchange level they want and their time availability. What they want or expect from you and vice versa. If you want a monogamous relationship, no other subs...although, this should have been discussed before you chose to submit. If you truly didn't like something done with a scene, you should be using safe words, but other wise let them know about a new hard or soft limit you discovered. Consistency is also important, things shouldn't be ignored or changed at a whim. Communication is very important. Doms are not mind readers or phsychics.

-Contracts or a document listing everything you discussed and finalized is a good reference to look back to when problems or questions arise. You can even agree to revisit them at certain periods of time to revise and discuss what is or is not working and change them to fit your growing relationship. I have heard of some changing them every 3 to 6 months. Negotiations are important so you both are happy with the relationship you are in. We change as we grow, as do they, so it's always a good idea to revisit these documents.

5. Know that there is always a release option if, no matter how hard you try to work things out with your Dom, it just doesnt pan out. Try to converse first so they have a chance to help fix or figure out problems, but if that is not working, then this is always a option. Out of respect, don't ghost your Dom. Ask to be formally released so you both have closure. Now, there may be instances you can't; example they are extremely abusive and don't want to release you.

6. They can help you discover who or what you are as a submissive, but don't let them brainwash you into a sub-set you aren't just because that's what they desire. Example: you are definitely a little but they tell you you're 100% slave and ignore and don't nurture your little side.

7. Always be Safe, Sane, and Consensual.
- don't let your emotions cloud your judgment or self preservation

8. Trust is #1 for both of you! If you can't trust the Dom, then it's safe to say you should truly think about why you want to submit to them. You are putting your life in their hands. This is not something to take lightly.

9. Now this is just my opinion, but I feel like they should not isolate you from the outside world or people. This can be a bad thing if they are abusive or brainwashing you. You have no way to get help to save yourself or to get support if needed.

10. Know your Hard and Soft limits!! These are very important. Saying I am willing to try everything, or not saying no to anything, just because you're not willing to sit down and think about what your limits are, is so problematic. It can lead to a lot of emotional, mental, and physical damage. It can also place a lot of stress on your Dom as they are unsure of how far they can take things. You can be willing to push your limits with the agreement to go slow and the use of safe words to get out of the scene if it is too much.

I am sure there is so much more to list. I will update this upon recommendations of ones or as I think of more.

Also know there are so many people within the community to reach out to with questions or problems. Never worry about being judged. If you are stuck in a bad situation reach out so someone can help and or rescue you.

 

 

 

8 months ago. Sep 22, 2019, 5:06 PM

Yes I know this is my second blog of the day. This needs to be said. It has been on my mind for days bothering me. Almost painful in its intense hammering and yearning to be put out there. So here we go.

 

This is a letter to all the New Impressionable Subs. I am sure your mailboxes are being deluged with messages from Doms of all kinds. It can be overwhelming. I have been there. Even collared I still get messages. Some Doms feel they have the right to claim you as theirs and you have no choice. WRONG! Your submission is yours to give. Go slow, have conversations, learn who the Dom is beyond... "Your Mine, you live to serve me". Don't rush the decision, because the power you hand over is heady and intoxicating. In the wrong hands it can be misused and you can end up physically, emotionally, and mentally scarred. Don't fall for the sweet sugary words some pour upon you. Claiming you are a beauty, sweet, the only one they need. This can pull a shade over your eyes and you fail to look deeper, because more than likely you need to hear these things. This is a ploy to batter past your defenses, don't fall for it. Look beyond it and seek a deeper connection.

Pff sometimes a Dom may have hidden subs you have no clue about. If he isn't willing to put your tag next to his name when he claims you, I implore you question why. Does he have a reason such as not wanting these other subs knowing of your existence in his life? Contact, if possible, his past subs. Find out why they were released. Sometimes the image you see of a Dom is a mask hiding a snake, whose only purpose is nudes and the sense of satisfaction knowing you are powerless to him. Question the length of time and experience he truly has. It is easy to say he has 10-15-20 years experience, but truly that experience could be all his fantasies in his mind. I'm not saying there are not amazing Doms on here. Whose whole reason for living is to nurture your submissive side, to help you grow, and protect you, because there are. I have talked to many of them. But they are far out numbered by the ones who come here for the power rush, fulfillment of their kinky desires. Yes you may be submissive, but you have rights to know the person you are submitting to. Stop, think, listen and question. Don't lose yourself in your submissive state, and unknowingly put yourself in the wrong hands. Don't ignore red flags. Feel free to message other subs you may talk to for input. They can see things you may not, because they are not overpowered by feelings. Be safe, protect yourself, and enjoy the ride.

 

8 months ago. Sep 22, 2019, 2:56 PM

It's dark on the highway. Not many cars are on the road. Daddy is driving and I am staring out the window at nothingness while hugging my stuffie. Seven hours left on the sixteen hour road trip that feels like it will never end. I sigh in disappoint. Luckily I wore a lose sundress to be comfortable, because to be honest, I hate wearing pants.  I love the freeness of a dress or skirt.  The way it swirls and moves as I walk.  The feeling of soft breezes caressing my thighs and naked pussy. 

Daddy reaches over and places his hand on my thigh.  He pats it reassuringly.  "You're being a very good girl Kitten."  I look over and smile at him.  "Thank you Daddy."  Silence again resumes in the car.  I look back out the window and daydream about the snow I will get to play in when we reach our destination.  Daddy's hand starts to rub my thigh, caressing it slowly.  A little tingle starts inside me. He hooks a finger around the hem of my sundress and trails it up my leg.  I look over at him but he is still focusing on driving and watching ahead.  His hand just rests on the thigh, his fingers softly stroking my subtle skin.  I shift a little, my thighs naturally parting.  He allows his hand to drift down my inner thigh, his nails scraping my skin softly, causing goosebumps.  His fingertips cross the apex where my thigh and groin meet. He allows them to softly dance across my lips, teasing me, but not dipping inside.  "Lower your seat back a little Kitten, spread your thighs."  I dutifully do as I'm told.  I can feel the wetness forming at my entrance, the sweet smell of my desire fills the air.  I look back at Daddy.  He is still staring straight ahead, one hand on the wheel...his other now dipping in between my folds and encountering the wetness his touch has created.  His fingers dip inside my hot honey pot, collecting more juice and using it to rub my clit.  My thighs part as far as the confines of the car will allow.  He teases with soft butterfly strokes.  I crave more so push against his fingers.  He pinches my nub which makes me gasp.  He scratches his nail across it gently and I jerk.  Air escapes my lungs and flows out my mouth forming a long "ooooooooh pleaseee...."  I am rewarded with his fingers dancing over and rubbing my clit faster.  My juices begin to trail out of my little hole and down my buttocks.  Now the air is ripe with the smell of my sweet honey in the confines of car.  His fingers slide down my clit and he dips two inside me.  "Daddy!!!" I moan, and my neck arches, my hips lifting up to push the fingers deeper.  He slowly sink them inside me and pulls them back out.  His strokes become rhythmic and my whole world is solely focused on his fingers inside me.  He hooks his fingers and begin to rub my spongy gspot.  I bite my lower lip to keep from screaming...it muffles the sound to a high pitch moan.  "Does Kitten think her good behavior deserves a orgasm?"  "Yes please Daddy," I groan,as  he chuckles in response. He looks in the review mirror and smirks.  His fingers begin to pound in and out of me.  I am grinding against them trying to take them deeper.  My body bowing in pleasure.  I can feel the throbbing building inside.  His fingers intensity becoming even more.  I break... my world shatters as I scream and gush around his fingers.  My thighs shaking at the intense orgasm.  His strokes slow down allowing me to come back from the world altering orgasm.  My whole body is quivering.  He pulls his fingers out and run the across my lips.  I dutifully open my mouth and lick them clean.  My eyes slowly open and I realise there is headlights shining next to ours.  I look over, my eyes trailing up.  A trucker has come up alongside of us.  His gaze is staring down and I can only imagine the mess he sees.  My legs wide and thighs glistening, my dress slid up and resting against the top of my thighs.  Daddy chuckles, leans over and waves at the trucker, who responds with a thumbs up. "Looks like he enjoyed the show Kitten" I quickly pull my skirt down and bury my face in my stuffy, mortified.  Daddy is so naughty at times.

 

 

 

 

8 months ago. Sep 22, 2019, 12:07 AM

For years my marriage has been a mess (sorry Daddy but you know it is true). We constantly seemed to be fighting, or arguing about one thing or another. I was always stressed trying to make everything appear perfect and happy to the outside world and for our children. We became ships passing in the night. In the beginning we were best friends and lovers. Then my 2 adorable minions were born. I lost myself. I lost my sex drive. I forgot to live for me. My flame dimmed and I solely existed for them. Looking back now I can see he went through a similar transformation. He smiled less and barely laughed. He went to work, came home, rinsed & repeated. He lost interest in a lot of the financial and basic home/children issues. I felt like a lot of major decisions started to fall on me. I became resentful. It amazes me how much things have changed since we both fully committed to a d/s relationship. We stopped with the ideological marriage view, and now it is just him as my dom and me as his sub. It had helped so much and literally saved our marriage and us. We have newfound respect, trust, love for each other. We communicate every little thing. We hold nothing back or hide anything from each other. He has gained a confidence he has been lacking for years. His eyes sparkle. He often has a naughty little smirk on his lips. I may still have chaotic moments. but I can turn to him and he makes me tranquil and my mind at peace. My sex drive is back with a vengeance. I joke and tease him all the time. We laugh and smile together all the time. We make more time to spend with each other...we aren't just two people in the same room. Who knew all we needed was a little kink, trust, power exchange, and communication to fix a broken marriage. 

Signing off,

Flaming hot bottom Kitten 😈😂

 

 

8 months ago. Sep 21, 2019, 2:26 PM

I don't really want to post this, but needed to get it out to see if others deal with this too. The chaos in my mind drives me insane at times. I easily get overwhelmed. Too many options make it hard for me to choose. I am so indecisive. The most simple thing in the world can stress me out. Thankfully Daddy is super patient. First it was build a bear, too many options I couldn't choose. So I turned to amazon to get my wolf stuffie. Then it was time for Kitten to get her claws redone. I swear I went through thousands of designs. I would like one, but then later change my mind. I think Daddy viewed over 100 and probably got annoyed, but never showed it. My two sides were battling. One side wanted a cutesy design the other wanted something more mature and sexy. We finally settled on one and Daddy said no more changes. No wonder why I have been stressed the last few years. I am at war with myself and my decisions.

I have always been under the control of someone. Most of my life it was my mother. I was not allowed to make any of my own choices. We saw where my own choices took me; abusive exes and intoxicated rape. Which resulted in the loss of my virginity. My mother went as far as to choose my college Major. Secondary Education English. I absolutely hated it. But I did it because she told me to. Now even the simplest choices become so hard for me because I became so reliant on others telling me my own mind. Or I want something, but feel so guilty to even ask to get it that I put it back because I feel selfish asking. Or I feel I anger or disappoint someone. I will get stuck in my mind worrying how to fix it, never quit figuring out the right way. So all I can do is repeatedly say I am sorry. It is a constant war zone in my mind. At least now I have someone who can make the final choice for me and make it stop. To give me advice and allow my mind just to be still.

 

 

Kittens New Claws

 

8 months ago. Sep 20, 2019, 12:36 PM

Swear words have become the bane of my existence. Once again I am bent over the edge of the wood footboard. My bare buttocks feel the breeze from the ceiling fan dancing lightly across it. Anticipation is running high and my blood is singing.

Daddy has figured out making me wait, to not know when the smack is coming makes it hurt worse. 5 swear words equal 5 hits, and he is going to make every one count. Kitten is going to learn little girls do not have potty mouths.

SMACK!!! his palm fully connects to my right buttcheek, my whole body jerks and I cry out. I dutifully call out 1. He rubs my left buttcheek, testing its fullness with his hand. He digs his nails in slightly marking it as his. His hand slides up to my back. SMACK!! #2 on the left one. Tears start to prick in the corner of my eye. My hands grip the footboard tighter. He scrapes his nails across the marks he made. SMACK #3 right side.The fall of his hand is coming faster and harder. I barely squeak out #3 and SMACK #4 lands with intention on my left buttock. He stops, the wait is unbearable. Seconds seem to tick by. The room is quiet except for our breathing. SMACK #5 this one lands smack dab between the two buttcheeks. A bolt of painful lighting surges through my tail bone, to my pussy, and up my spine. Tears roll down my cheeks. I continue to stay bent over as I have not been given the command to get dressed. He stands back smiling smugly at his handwork. My buttocks are on fire and the sting seems to be everywhere. "What did we learn Kitten?" 

"That swear words equal pain" SMACK "owwwww"

"DON'T BE SMART KITTEN!" 

"Yes Daddy"

"Now answer the question correctly" he sternly says.

"Swear words are bad, and little Kittens should never say them"

"Good Girl!"

His hands cup both cheeks and start to slowly massage. His one draws closer to my pussy. When his fingers dip inside he encounters wetness. Even though it was painful, as usual spankings have turned me on. He flicks his finger across my nub and pinches it. I moan. His finger slides inside testing how drenched I am. I hear a unzipping sound and his finger is replaced with something larger, and I feel more fullness inside. His hands wrap in my hair and pull my upper body up and back as he thrusts deeper. I moan. His other hand braces on my hip so he gets more leverage. He thrusts harder, digging his nails in my hip. He let's go of my hair and his hand slides around to grip my throat, and his teeth bite my shoulder. He plows into me hard, his balls slamming against my clit, causing sparks of pleasure. Repeatedly he thrusts inside, using me as a means for his release. He releases my throat...pushes my chest down onto the bed. His hand now on the back of my neck, pinning me in place as he thrusts one last time. Groaning between gritted teeth his pleasure. He steps back, withdrawing from inside me. A mix of his jizz and my juices trail down my thighs. He smiles, looking at the mess he has caused. 

"You may go shower kitten, but you are not allowed to make yourself orgasm. Remember that belongs to me, and I don't feel inclined to allow you to right now."

I stand up straight. My whole body is a mix of aches. Some painful, some wanton and lustful. I stroll into the bathroom. I turn so I can see my backside in the mirror. It is red and handprints are peppered all over it. I run my hand over it and can feel the heat coming off the marks. I think to myself....Swear words leave such pretty marks. I smile gleefully. I think Daddy needs a paddle next time lol!!!

 

 

8 months ago. Sep 20, 2019, 12:47 AM

A fragrant smell wafts softly in the air. The bubbles floating beautifully in the clawfoot tub. Candles are lit and soft sultry music is playing in the background. I shed my clothing and slowly sink down into the inviting water. I sigh in enjoyment, feeling all the tension leaving my body. The bubbles tickle my nipples and I giggle. I shift and the water caresses my body. A smile appears on my lips. I scoot down deeper into the bath and I sigh again in contentment. My eyes close and I relax. I'm not sure how long I have been in the bath, but suddenly I feel fingers stroking my cheek. "Keep your eyes closed kitten." I do as commanded. Your fingers trail down my neck, across my chest, and dip below the water. You pinch and tug on my one nipple. You twist it making me gasp in pain. You chuckle. You cup my full breast in your hand. I hear you lean forward and feel the soft stroke of your tongue across and around my now hard nipple. Suddenly your teeth bite hard and then tug. I cry out in pleasurable pain. Your other hand is tugging and twisting my other nipple. The pain is causing a sharp ache between my thighs As if you sense that your hand trails down my stomach and cups me firmly. Your middle finger softly rubbing my clit.

"This is MINE kitten".

"....yes Daddy"

"Good girl"

You continue stroking softly. I drape my legs over to edge of the tub to make it easier to access me. Your finger slides in and I moan. You thrust your finger in and out slowly teasing me, making me ache for you more. Suddenly you stop. Your hand withdraws. I wait, straining to see what you are going to do. A hard swift slap comes down on my clit. I sit up crying "owie". The sting and pain shooting through my whole body. I look up at you, tears pooling up in my eyes. Your green eyes glare sternly...

"Did I say you could touch what was mine?"

It is then I realise I was daydreaming and my hands were the ones on and in my body. Baths are a dangerous pleasure. Proceed with caution.

 

 

 

 

 

 

8 months ago. Sep 19, 2019, 8:18 PM

Sometimes instead of dancing like no one is watching, you need to dance like Daddy is watching. To slowly strip and reveal your vulnerability, to live in the moment, to feel the desire and to know he finds you sexy. Enjoy the beast you release. Remember the rough touch of his hands on your body. The glint of lust in his eyes. The sound of him calling you his kitten or Daddys little slut. In the end this is the one person you can always count on to sit and watch the show unfold, to tuck his appreciation of you into your gstring, and let you relish the feelings he causes. He loves all your flaws to him they are beauty personified and sexy as hell (I may get spanked for the use of that word 😂). Thoughts of him are what gets you through the day at times.