Online now

Ever Evolving

Expression of my thoughts, feelings, and me growing to love my side I kept hidden.
3 weeks ago. Sun 22 Sep 2019 12:07:00 AM IDT

For years my marriage has been a mess (sorry Daddy but you know it is true). We constantly seemed to be fighting, or arguing about one thing or another. I was always stressed trying to make everything appear perfect and happy to the outside world and for our children. We became ships passing in the night. In the beginning we were best friends and lovers. Then my 2 adorable minions were born. I lost myself. I lost my sex drive. I forgot to live for me. My flame dimmed and I solely existed for them. Looking back now I can see he went through a similar transformation. He smiled less and barely laughed. He went to work, came home, rinsed & repeated. He lost interest in a lot of the financial and basic home/children issues. I felt like a lot of major decisions started to fall on me. I became resentful. It amazes me how much things have changed since we both fully committed to a d/s relationship. We stopped with the ideological marriage view, and now it is just him as my dom and me as his sub. It had helped so much and literally saved our marriage and us. We have newfound respect, trust, love for each other. We communicate every little thing. We hold nothing back or hide anything from each other. He has gained a confidence he has been lacking for years. His eyes sparkle. He often has a naughty little smirk on his lips. I may still have chaotic moments. but I can turn to him and he makes me tranquil and my mind at peace. My sex drive is back with a vengeance. I joke and tease him all the time. We laugh and smile together all the time. We make more time to spend with each other...we aren't just two people in the same room. Who knew all we needed was a little kink, trust, power exchange, and communication to fix a broken marriage. 

Signing off,

Flaming hot bottom Kitten 😈😂

 

 

3 weeks ago. Sat 21 Sep 2019 02:26:09 PM IDT

I don't really want to post this, but needed to get it out to see if others deal with this too. The chaos in my mind drives me insane at times. I easily get overwhelmed. Too many options make it hard for me to choose. I am so indecisive. The most simple thing in the world can stress me out. Thankfully Daddy is super patient. First it was build a bear, too many options I couldn't choose. So I turned to amazon to get my wolf stuffie. Then it was time for Kitten to get her claws redone. I swear I went through thousands of designs. I would like one, but then later change my mind. I think Daddy viewed over 100 and probably got annoyed, but never showed it. My two sides were battling. One side wanted a cutesy design the other wanted something more mature and sexy. We finally settled on one and Daddy said no more changes. No wonder why I have been stressed the last few years. I am at war with myself and my decisions.

I have always been under the control of someone. Most of my life it was my mother. I was not allowed to make any of my own choices. We saw where my own choices took me; abusive exes and intoxicated rape. Which resulted in the loss of my virginity. My mother went as far as to choose my college Major. Secondary Education English. I absolutely hated it. But I did it because she told me to. Now even the simplest choices become so hard for me because I became so reliant on others telling me my own mind. Or I want something, but feel so guilty to even ask to get it that I put it back because I feel selfish asking. Or I feel I anger or disappoint someone. I will get stuck in my mind worrying how to fix it, never quit figuring out the right way. So all I can do is repeatedly say I am sorry. It is a constant war zone in my mind. At least now I have someone who can make the final choice for me and make it stop. To give me advice and allow my mind just to be still.

 

 

Kittens New Claws

 

3 weeks ago. Fri 20 Sep 2019 12:36:18 PM IDT

Swear words have become the bane of my existence. Once again I am bent over the edge of the wood footboard. My bare buttocks feel the breeze from the ceiling fan dancing lightly across it. Anticipation is running high and my blood is singing.

Daddy has figured out making me wait, to not know when the smack is coming makes it hurt worse. 5 swear words equal 5 hits, and he is going to make every one count. Kitten is going to learn little girls do not have potty mouths.

SMACK!!! his palm fully connects to my right buttcheek, my whole body jerks and I cry out. I dutifully call out 1. He rubs my left buttcheek, testing its fullness with his hand. He digs his nails in slightly marking it as his. His hand slides up to my back. SMACK!! #2 on the left one. Tears start to prick in the corner of my eye. My hands grip the footboard tighter. He scrapes his nails across the marks he made. SMACK #3 right side.The fall of his hand is coming faster and harder. I barely squeak out #3 and SMACK #4 lands with intention on my left buttock. He stops, the wait is unbearable. Seconds seem to tick by. The room is quiet except for our breathing. SMACK #5 this one lands smack dab between the two buttcheeks. A bolt of painful lighting surges through my tail bone, to my pussy, and up my spine. Tears roll down my cheeks. I continue to stay bent over as I have not been given the command to get dressed. He stands back smiling smugly at his handwork. My buttocks are on fire and the sting seems to be everywhere. "What did we learn Kitten?" 

"That swear words equal pain" SMACK "owwwww"

"DON'T BE SMART KITTEN!" 

"Yes Daddy"

"Now answer the question correctly" he sternly says.

"Swear words are bad, and little Kittens should never say them"

"Good Girl!"

His hands cup both cheeks and start to slowly massage. His one draws closer to my pussy. When his fingers dip inside he encounters wetness. Even though it was painful, as usual spankings have turned me on. He flicks his finger across my nub and pinches it. I moan. His finger slides inside testing how drenched I am. I hear a unzipping sound and his finger is replaced with something larger, and I feel more fullness inside. His hands wrap in my hair and pull my upper body up and back as he thrusts deeper. I moan. His other hand braces on my hip so he gets more leverage. He thrusts harder, digging his nails in my hip. He let's go of my hair and his hand slides around to grip my throat, and his teeth bite my shoulder. He plows into me hard, his balls slamming against my clit, causing sparks of pleasure. Repeatedly he thrusts inside, using me as a means for his release. He releases my throat...pushes my chest down onto the bed. His hand now on the back of my neck, pinning me in place as he thrusts one last time. Groaning between gritted teeth his pleasure. He steps back, withdrawing from inside me. A mix of his jizz and my juices trail down my thighs. He smiles, looking at the mess he has caused. 

"You may go shower kitten, but you are not allowed to make yourself orgasm. Remember that belongs to me, and I don't feel inclined to allow you to right now."

I stand up straight. My whole body is a mix of aches. Some painful, some wanton and lustful. I stroll into the bathroom. I turn so I can see my backside in the mirror. It is red and handprints are peppered all over it. I run my hand over it and can feel the heat coming off the marks. I think to myself....Swear words leave such pretty marks. I smile gleefully. I think Daddy needs a paddle next time lol!!!

 

 

3 weeks ago. Fri 20 Sep 2019 12:47:50 AM IDT

A fragrant smell wafts softly in the air. The bubbles floating beautifully in the clawfoot tub. Candles are lit and soft sultry music is playing in the background. I shed my clothing and slowly sink down into the inviting water. I sigh in enjoyment, feeling all the tension leaving my body. The bubbles tickle my nipples and I giggle. I shift and the water caresses my body. A smile appears on my lips. I scoot down deeper into the bath and I sigh again in contentment. My eyes close and I relax. I'm not sure how long I have been in the bath, but suddenly I feel fingers stroking my cheek. "Keep your eyes closed kitten." I do as commanded. Your fingers trail down my neck, across my chest, and dip below the water. You pinch and tug on my one nipple. You twist it making me gasp in pain. You chuckle. You cup my full breast in your hand. I hear you lean forward and feel the soft stroke of your tongue across and around my now hard nipple. Suddenly your teeth bite hard and then tug. I cry out in pleasurable pain. Your other hand is tugging and twisting my other nipple. The pain is causing a sharp ache between my thighs As if you sense that your hand trails down my stomach and cups me firmly. Your middle finger softly rubbing my clit.

"This is MINE kitten".

"....yes Daddy"

"Good girl"

You continue stroking softly. I drape my legs over to edge of the tub to make it easier to access me. Your finger slides in and I moan. You thrust your finger in and out slowly teasing me, making me ache for you more. Suddenly you stop. Your hand withdraws. I wait, straining to see what you are going to do. A hard swift slap comes down on my clit. I sit up crying "owie". The sting and pain shooting through my whole body. I look up at you, tears pooling up in my eyes. Your green eyes glare sternly...

"Did I say you could touch what was mine?"

It is then I realise I was daydreaming and my hands were the ones on and in my body. Baths are a dangerous pleasure. Proceed with caution.

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 weeks ago. Thu 19 Sep 2019 08:18:19 PM IDT

Sometimes instead of dancing like no one is watching, you need to dance like Daddy is watching. To slowly strip and reveal your vulnerability, to live in the moment, to feel the desire and to know he finds you sexy. Enjoy the beast you release. Remember the rough touch of his hands on your body. The glint of lust in his eyes. The sound of him calling you his kitten or Daddys little slut. In the end this is the one person you can always count on to sit and watch the show unfold, to tuck his appreciation of you into your gstring, and let you relish the feelings he causes. He loves all your flaws to him they are beauty personified and sexy as hell (I may get spanked for the use of that word 😂). Thoughts of him are what gets you through the day at times.

 

 

3 weeks ago. Thu 19 Sep 2019 12:26:46 AM IDT

There are times in life you have to walk away from a person. No matter how close you may be, or even if they truly need you. It could be to avoid drama, or could be you need to figure yourself out. It could be they slowly stopped talking to you, and you're the one who finally cuts the string. Sometimes it is emotional and hard, other times as easy as just throwing away a piece of paper. Just be true to yourself and know the decision you are making is the right one. Move on and never look back with regret. Be grateful for the happy moments they gave you and the support given when you needed it. Your lives are no longer entwined and you now will become two separate people and sometimes even strangers. Look out for your happiness first and walk forward in life with a smile.

 

 

4 weeks ago. Tue 17 Sep 2019 04:00:54 AM IDT

So today was a very eye opening day. For those who do not know I am married but I had a secret craving for things that I worried my husband would frown upon, possibly be turned off by. It took me a long time to open up to him about my darker and deeper desires. He was very shocked needless to say, as well as uncertain of what true BDSM is, as opposed to what was projected in 50 Shades of Gray. It has been drilled into his head that living this lifestyle was frowned upon. This led to a mutual agreement that I could search for a Dom to fulfill my needs. During this period of time, unbeknownst to me, he began to read, research, and educate himself on the different aspects of the lifestyle. It came as a complete shock when he sat me down and told me that he honestly felt this is something he truly desired and needed in his life as well. Our marriage has had some issues, largely because I unwillingly took the role of the dominant in our marriage which left me unhappy and unsatisfied. At the same time, it left him feeling emasculated. We talked for 5 hours today, deeply discussing every little detail. We discussed our feelings, thoughts, needs, desires, limits, punishments, rewards, rules etc. In the end, we both came to the mutual decision to travel this journey together, and grow as a couple in the lifestyle.

4 weeks ago. Mon 16 Sep 2019 03:15:42 PM IDT

I am the woman who wants to still believe in fairytales. Who at times, is afraid of the things that go bump in the Dark. I dream of the white knight in slightly tarnished armour who will protect me. I love all things that glitter and shine, my eyes go wide in wonder. My favorite color is pink. I would love if my whole wardrobe could be all ribbons and pearls and sweetly feminine. I often dance and sing and giggle like a little girl. I will bounce on my toes jumping and clapping, my eyes sparkling in joy. I'm sensitive and there are moments I easily cry. I want to please and be told I am a good girl. I like to believe everyone is innately good, though I am smart enough to realize this isn't always true. If I give you my trust cherish it, because it is very hard for me to. I have demons that haunt me. I find it easier to trust animals as like me they are loyal, loving and don't want to harm you. In past I have blindly followed others and didn't question or speak my opinions or feelings, though recently I have found my voice. I love cuddles and affection, Daddy's little smirk at my antics.

 

There is this other side of me that is slowly coming out. She is darkly sensual. She scoffs at the girly wardrobe and says let have peekaboo lace panties, curve hugging clothing, and sexy lingerie. She craves things that flusters and makes my good side blush. She needs to be allowed to explore her sexuality and not be suppressed anymore. I embrace her yet at same time she scares me. She may be challenging at times but never disrespectful, more of a bratty tease. That stern voice and look makes her moan and pant. She desires the sting of pain on her ass and clit, hands wrapped around her throat and making it hard to breath, being forcefully taken for his pleasure. This sides eyes gleam in pleasure and wickedly invites you to show her more. The problem is at times this side overwhelms and overrides common sense. The good girl side says no, take it slow...be careful....stick to your limits. The sensual side laughs and says what's limits. She wants to just open herself up to so many sensations, and new experiences, but she doesn't stop to think,  just feels. I have come to accept and love her. Now I am finding a balance between the two sides. Using the common sense from the one to keep the other safe. Allowing the others curiosity open me up to new experiences. For her slightly more outspoken bratty side to protect me from harm. By nurturing and accepting both sides I have come to realize what a beautiful, amazing, sexy woman I am.  No one can take that from me without my permission.

 

 

 

1 month ago. Sun 15 Sep 2019 03:30:38 PM IDT

While yes I am a very sexual and sensual kitten, I want more from my D/S dynamic. I want a meeting of minds, emotions, a desire to be around each other. I love flowery words like every other woman, but don't just say them to make my panties drop to my ankles. They mean more when they aren't said all the time and instead said with true meaning and value. I don't want to be treated only as some real life plastic blow up doll he can use to sate his lust. Yes I crave to please my Daddy and make him proud that I am his. But I would hope he also wants to keep me mentally, emotionally and yes sexually satisfied as well. Sorry for the rant I am just tired of the inbox messages from Doms who haven't bothered to read my profile, don't care to know me or what led me to want to be in the lifestyle. To learn who or what I am as submissive. There have been a few amazing Doms who I have met and I am able to carry long meaningful conversations with them. Then there are ones I just say boy bye! Please don't mistake just because I am a submissive I don't have my own mind, wants, desires, needs, thoughts. Nurture them and I could turn into one of the most amazing subs you met. Ignore them and I will walk away without a second glance. 

 

 

1 month ago. Wed 11 Sep 2019 03:24:52 PM IDT

First introductions have always been hard for me. I am shy. Sometimes the person is infectious and bubbly and it sets me at ease. These are the people I open up to easily. The woman I met this morning has a gorgeous tentative smile. You can tell she wants to become friends but is afraid of rejection. There is a pain and strength in her brown eyes. A determination to keep going. She seems kind and warm hearted. Silly as well. She assures me if I allow her to get close she will be the one person who will always be there for me. She will help me through my bad times and be a pillar of strength for me. I couldn't help but feel drawn to her. To get to know her. Possibly fall in love with her.This woman is beyond amazing, she is the reflection of me in the mirror. That's right the woman, the stranger, I am talking about is myself. It's time I learn who I am as a woman. To not mould myself to be the idea image for others. Instead love my flaws, love my insecurities, accept and appreciate my past as it is why I am me. I am a incredibly strong woman even in my weakness. If I can't love myself how can I expect someone else to want to love me. I need to seek out information and educate myself more on all aspects of what this lifestyle is and how I fit into it. Only then can I decided who this woman is and help her along her journey. To those of you who are there to help me along my path. Thank you and I truly appreciate all the patience, understanding and friendship you show me.