A Dom's Tale ~ The journey there and back again

Song just sounds like it was written for me... I've taken the time to heal, I've forgiven my ex for leaving after 25 years, and I've come to be at peace with myself. What I forgot was how I hated dating, getting to know people, the ending of things with others because you know it is not going to end up where you want to be, and the rejection that comes when others must do it to you ....

"Learning to Live Again"
~~Garth Brooks~~

I burned my hand, I cut my face
Heaven knows how long it's been
Since I've felt so out of place
I'm wonderin' if I'll fit in

Debbie and Charley said they'd be here by nine
And Deb said she might bring a friend
Just my luck, they're right on time
So here I go again

I'm gonna smile my best smile
And I'm gonna laugh like it's going out of style
Look into her eyes and pray that she don't see
That learning to live again is killing me

Little cafe, table for four
But there's just conversation for three
And I like the way she let me get the door
And I wonder what she thinks of me

Debbie just whispered, "You're doin' fine"
And I wish that I felt the same
She's asked me to dance, now her hand's in mine
Oh, my God, I've forgotten her name

But I'm gonna smile my best smile
And I'm gonna laugh like it's going out of style
Look into her eyes and pray that she don't see
This learning to live again is killing me

Now here we are beneath her porch light
And I say what a great time it's been
A kiss on the cheek, a whisper goodnight
And I say, "can I see you again"

And she just smiles her best smile
And she laughs like it's going out of style
Looks into my eyes and says, "We'll see"

Oh this learning to live again is killing me
God this learning to live again is killing me

    I get up in the morning to the ever increasing alarm volume, drop on my robe, pop a K-cup into the Keurig, and check out the news, the forecast, and the world in a 15 minute briefing given by ever loyal Alexa. It always causes me the chuckle a bit at the British accent I have given her, there’s just something nice and soothing about prefacing the worlds disasters with that accent..lol

    The voicemail is silent, no text messages received overnight, so the start of the business day will be a smooth takeoff, no pending issues to handle..so far. So all my morning duties performed, I have 20 minutes before I have to get into the shower, and get ready to face the day, so iI peruse the normal websites before heading to the shower. I cannot help but imagine how different it could be, if I could find .. her.....

     I wake up a bit before the alarm goes off, and quickly cancel it so as not to disturb her. But before getting up, I want to take a couple minutes just to gaze at her, still sleeping next to me in the bed, her face pointing toward me, a look of absolute peacefulness on her face. I often times felt I would never find her, and I give a quick silent prayer to God that I will forever be the Dom she needs, and her gift of submission will remain mine forever. She completes me.

    I start to slowly move out from under the heavy comforter we have been sharing overnight, slowly and methodically try to get out of bed without waking her. As my foot reaches the floor, a velvet soft hand brushes my face and gently tugs at me not to get up. I turn to look at her, and she simply says “Good Morning.” Just 2 words, that’s all there is, but its also all I need to stay in bed, and she knows it.

    I get all the way back in bed, and I pull her to my side. Laying on my back, she snuggles up against me, and lets out a gentle sigh as I stroke her hair, and return the morning greeting. Now holding her in my arms, I reflect back upon last night, the love we shared, the needs we filled, our souls intertwined and impervious to the outside world and its issues. This is the safest place on Earth, for both of us. As I lay there, happy and content with our world we have created, she softly whispers, “you’re going to be late”. Amazing how the time flew by, where did it go? I get up, gather my suit for the day, and gently kiss her forehead before heading for the shower……

Part 2/4 - again.... not a how to guide, not a step by step instructional, merely two words from each letter of the alphabet,  Simply read the two words and pick one for yourself that you as a Dom or as a Sub, want in your dynamic.  Enjoy! 

G
Gallant - brave; valiant; honorable
Goading – To deliberately make someone feel angry or irritated, often causing them to react by doing something.

H
Honor - adherence to what is right or to a conventional standard of conduct
Haughty - disdainful, overbearing, prideful, swaggering, and obnoxious.

I
Inviolable - never to be broken, infringed, or dishonored
insidious - someone who works in a subtle or sly way, or in an intent to trap

J
Jannock - pleasant; outspoken; honest; genuine; straightforward; generous.
Jeopardize - put (someone into a situation in which there is a danger of loss, harm, or failure

K
Knowledgeable well informed; educated; intelligent; perceptive
Knave - a dishonest or unscrupulous man

L
Laudable - (of an action, idea, or goal) deserving praise and commendation
Lambaste - criticize (someone or something) harshly

M
Masterful - performed or performing very skillfully
Meagre - lacking in quantity or quality.

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz - just 27 letters, in a particular order, then reformed over and over again into the words that define us, make us who we are. As Dom's, we are charged with a most serious duty, the care and protection of another, both mentally and physically. Yet far far too often we peruse these blogs, and read over and over how one who called himself a Dom,  convinced another he was indeed that person, then morphed into the worst possible thing the sub could have encountered

So I offer up the ABC's of having a successful Dynamic, not a how to guide, not a step by step instructional, merely two words from each letter of the alphabet,  Simply read the two words and pick one for yourself that you as a Dom or as a Sub, want in your dynamic. I only did through letter "F" - but if ya;ll like it, will publish the rest in 7 letter increments ... Enjoy! 

A

Acceptance -  to be in the embrace of what is without resistance

Arrogance - an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions

B

Blossom - To come into one's own : TO DEVELOP ie.. With most her pain behind her, she was blossoming into her own level of beauty

Belittle - To cause a person to seem little or less, to put down

C

Correct - : to alter or adjust so as to bring to some standard or required condition

Callous - showing or having an insensitive and cruel disregard for others.

D

Discipline - training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character

Degrade - to drag down in moral or intellectual character 

E

Encourage - give him or her the courage or confidence to do something, 

Egotistical - excessively conceited or absorbed in oneself; self-centered.

F

Faithful - loyal, constant, and steadfast.

Fallaciously - incorrect, wrong, mistaken, false, misleading, untrue, deceptive, spurious, fictitious, illogical, erroneous, illusory, delusive, delusory

It was the early 80's,  just finishing up my USAF basic training at Lackland AFB  in San Antonio.  A band whose name I cannot recall was playing at the Airmans Club, it was our last base liberty before graduation and our flight being dispersed to the needs of the service. The band played the most haunting song, with a slow rhythmic beat... the lyrics I will never forget, and it seems so appropriate a theme song for my search for her....

In a time,

Before our time,

I was yours...

and you were mine.

Though the circle,

stops and bends,

when it stops,

it just begins...

VS 

A recent experience made me reflect on some of the basics .. you know, the simple things we just assume people know and we take for granted.  This is one of those moments.  We ( a new person just beginning and I) were discussing various "toys" we might enjoy, and the subject of handcuffs came up... I will describe the scene as best as my amateur writing can ....

I asked her to stand up, and blindfolded her (with consent naturally), then from behind I guided her hands to her back, and handcuffed them. She seemed a bit turned on by this, so I suggested we try the other way as well. I removed the handcuffs, and taking a length of soft cotton rope,  I slowly formed the "S" shape between her hands, allowing the rope to slide across her skin with each pass. Then I wrapped the middle to form the bind, and the "cuffs" were complete. To finish securing them, I stood up behind her, pressing lightly against her as I made a few loops around her body, above and just below her breasts, while keeping my head next to hers from behind, softly yet purposely breathing a bit heavy against her neck as I wrapped her arms and body before securing the final knot.

I asked her which method she preferred, and I bet you already know the answer...

You can restrain somebody with a pair of handcuffs easily enough, but with a little imagination and purposeful movements, you can achieve the same goal yet it is much more more fun for both of you to take your time and do it right    

I had a wooden plaque many years ago, that had this poem on it,  it always seemed to give me strength in my youth, and a sense of being, a sense that all would be all right no matter the current crisis - I would like to share it with you all... :)

Desiderata was written in 1927 by Max Ehrmann, a poet and lawyer from Terre Haute, Indiana. The word desiderata means “things that are desired.” Ehrmann said he wrote it for himself, “because it counsels those virtues I felt most in need of.” These virtues have been valued by countless others as Desiderata rose in popularity in the late ’60s and early ’70s. It is making a strong comeback today, as parents and grandparents are passing along this wisdom to their loved ones.

Desidereta By Max Ehrmann © 1927

GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

   It was a date like any other date. Well, almost like any other date that is. The hostess greeted us with one of those "I have to" smiles, and I gestured for her to follow the hostess to our table. As I walked behind her, I could not help but steal a few glances at the subtle, gentle side to side sway of her skirt as it clung to her oh so feminine curves.  I pulled out her chair for her, as I was raised to do, and she gracefully took her seat. Always a lady, and for this date at least,  my lady.  But unlike I was raised, I gave her a smile as I pictured what it might be like to raise that skirt and land a couple well deserved shots to that swaying picture perfect ass that had been walking in front of me. She gave me slight smile as I slid her chair up to the table, slightly jealous of the good fortune the chair was having.. lol.

   The wine came first, followed by the appetizer and main dish.  What did we have? I have no clue, something with a great Italian name, but nothing that really is burned into my memory.  We had some small talk, spoke of things we had done and wanted to do, so very very vanilla conversation.  It was what was happening in my mind that I recall the most.  Looking at her eyes as the light bounced off them, sparkling more than the wine. Her hands, so soft, gentle, elegantly in motion. Everything about her was alluring, enticing, entrapping.  She was vibrant, intelligent, seductive, and well aware of it. After dinner we talked some more, finishing up the bottle of wine before heading to the door.  I led her to the truck, opening the doors of course, and stealing some more glances, feeling like a kid swiping a tootsie roll at the drug store.

    I asked her if she would like to come over for a time, or should I take her back to her place. She gave a coy little smile and informed me there was nothing she wanted to do at her place, but would not mind some more wine. So we drove to my house, more vanilla along the way. Once inside, I set the lights to a dim hue, and the giant screen to a fireplace scene, so we could continue our conversation.  I poured the wine and settled in next to her, when out of the blue came a question I was not prepared for.... "So tell me", she said with  a nervous smile, "what do you use that rope for?", as she pointed at the cord of  colored jute I had mistakenly left sitting out after practicing some new ties two nights before.

   My mind raced for an answer to explain it away, to make it a normal object for this vanilla conversation, but how do you do that...lol. "Nothing not mutually agreed upon" I answered with a half smile. This opened a door in the conversation, and before I knew it, we were talking about how rope could be used in a relationship, or even just for a night for that matter. We talked of dark fantasys and secret pleasures..., hers and mine alike.. It was obvious she had never been active in the lifestyle, but it was equally obvious she had a strong desire to explore it... I finally confessed that it had been a part of my life for some time, a revelation that sent her into a flurry of questions..... 

   I agreed to answer her questions only if she allowed me to explain the answers my way. She agreed with reservations, and posed the first question... "Why use rope? wouldn't it be easier and faster to just used restraints such as handcuffs?" Certainly, I replied, but allow me to demonstrate. I retrieved some toys from the playroom, and told her she would have to trust me to understand.  I gently tied a silk blindfold about her head, and moved in behind her.  I took her hands one after the other and secured them with a pair of handcuffs, as she let out a small sigh. Now how does that feel I asked of her...... exciting! she replied almost immediately. 

  I released the handcuffs as I instructed her to remain blindfolded. Taking a rather long piece of rope,  I put her hands behind her back again, and slowly created the "S" shape of rope between her hands, letting the rope flow over her hands with each loop before closing the loops in center, securing her hands.  With the second length of rope, I positioned myself behind her, pressing against her lightly as I wrapped the rope around her body, just below and above her obviously excited breasts before looping it around her neck to finish outlining her perfect chest. "now tell me my dear, which experience do you prefer?"

    Before she could utter her answer, the lights began to get brighter and brighter,  and I heard the all too familiar voice of Alexa wishing me a good morning, and rattling off the news and forecasts of the day.... it was a wonderful day really, I smiled all the way through it.... :)

Slightly modified to fit my needs, but it fits ... The search begins anew! Lets start with a broad stroke! Whats the "end game", when all is said and done, what do I hope to have found? This will do! No, it's not the most masculine song on the planet, and yes I am fully cognizant of the fact that it is downright mushy, and even borders on a delusional fantasy, but hey .. it's MY world, and this is what I want! Lyrics from an old 70's song......Slightly modified to fit my needs, but it fits ... 

Shine on me sunshine
Walk with me world
It's a skippidity do da day
I'm the happiest Dom, in the whole U.S.A

Good morning morning
Hello sunshine
Wake up sleepy head
Why'd we move that bojangle clock so far away from the bed
Just one more minute
That's why we moved it
One more hug would do
Do you love waking up next to me
As much as I love waking up next to you

You make the coffee
I'll make the bed
I'll fix your lunch
And you fix mine
Now tell me the truth
Do these old shoes look funny
Honey it's almost nine
Now you be careful
Gotta go, I love you
Have a beautiful day
And kiss the happiest Dom, in the whole U.S.A