fatbear(dom male)

The deep thoughts of my mind.

Read blog name.

8 months and dreams are still huanted

4 years ago. October 18, 2020 at 6:58 AM

So its been about 8 months since my last breakup with a submissive I had been in love with since 2014. Some how she is still haunting my dreams and day life.

How the hell does this happen? Why is this happening to me again? It wasn't me that did this. She drove me to the point of insanity. I was almost committed to a mental health hospital because of her. I feel like these walls close in on me when she comes up in dreams. I feel like I'm being tortured every dream she's in. And not the fun kind. The things she said to me are still echoing around my head. Ive become a prisoner of my own mind.

I wish I had a way to send my pain and show her what it really feels like to be me for a day. I never even got a real goodbye from her either. She turned into a heartless, jaded, naive gold digger that I gave 100% of my heart and she chopped it up and fed it to the wolves.

Im also suffering from a massive bpd split where the different sides in me are reaching out to grab the spotlight fighting for it blood for blood. I hate this.

SSG{ENM-TLP} - When you feed something, it lives. It will take a conscious effort to kill unconscious connections. Everytime you think of her, you must be intentional to think of other things. You will starve that memory out. Even with dreams. Clear your mind with meditation before bed. If you dream of her, then start over. Do not stop. Your efforts will pay off. Been there. Done that. Lived to reclaim myself.

4 years ago

Devotedsub(sub female){His} - I want to say I understand what you are going through, but that wouldn't make it any easier for you.

I will say this.. Sometimes, in life, we meet someone that we find ourselves so close to, even when we try to detach (no matter how toxic it was or is).. And we can't. There are many reasons for this. One is failing to grieve the loss. We don't allow ourselves to grieve. Others are over-idealizing, getting hung up on what could have been, and failing to get closure. It sounds like you didn't get closure, for sure. If you are unable to get the closure you need, I have found some of these things to be helpful : make new friends (put yourself out there), work to better understand yourself and feel complete on your own (love you), accept any role you may have had in the relationship that failed (and learn from it).

I know it's difficult, but try to focus on you. You deserve that. You deserve to be whole again.

All the best
-Ds

4 years ago

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fatbear​(dom male)

The deep thoughts of my mind.

8 months and dreams are still huanted

fatbear(dom male)