Down in the very core of my being, in the depths that few are allowed to see, lies the truest of romantic hearts - a sentimentalist to the utmost and extreme degree. There is nothing in this world that I wish for more, nothing that my soul has ever cried out for more than my person. More than anything, I long for the deep emotional, mental, romantic, and spiritual connection with my soulmate (or whichever term is preferred).
I crave the little intimacies.
A hand held walking down the street
An inescapable, secure hug with my head tucked under their jaw
A hand running through my hair, or sitting at someone's feet as they brush it
Sitting on the floor, hugging someone's legs and resting my head on their lap as I drift off into a nap
A memorized drink order
A hand resting on the small of my back, my neck, my shoulder, or my leg simply because they need that connection and contact
Picking out my clothes for the day, or grabbing a hoodie before we leave even though I probably won't get cold
Knowing and recognizing the signs that say I'm getting sleepy
Noticing the minute changes in my expressions or behaviors that tell of how I'm feeling without a word ever being exchanged
Knowing which blankie is my favorite, and that I will always want it with me even if I'm hot
Asking weird or random questions out of a desire to learn about me and my personality
Knowing which perfume I wear and the types of scents I like
Inside jokes or mutual understandings that can be conveyed with a single look
An instinctual, confident knowing of what I'm thinking or feeling in a certain situation or in response to something
Knowing the things that touch my heart on the deepest level, and that I am an incredibly sentimental person who will save and cherish anything personal or heartfelt
Understanding when I'm joking, teasing, being playful, or trying to spark a reaction
Allowing me to wash their hands and feet and take care of their nails
Placing trust in me
Finding comfort in my presence and falling asleep, or relaxing as I kneed their aches away
Random little touches or loving words throughout the day because we're each other's safe spaces
Cuddling in bed as I'm wrapped tightly in safe and comforting arms, relaxed and at peace in a way I never will be without them
Recognizing when my mind starts to spin and I become too much inside my own head, and taking complete, unwavering control to talk me out of that space and calm/recenter my mind
Knowing that my thoughts have a tendency to wander and that I can get sidetracked pretty easily, and that it's okay to put me back on the right path
Memorizing the random little things I say about myself in passing out of a desire to know me better than anyone else
Noticing little changes in my behaviors, patterns, or habits and knowing what they could mean
Saying or doing something purely because they know it will make me laugh
Being comfortable enough with me to be silly, playful, unguarded, and entirely unfiltered
Knowing that I try to hold back and stuff down my emotions because, otherwise, I feel them to an all-consuming degree
Knowing when I need comfort and what to do to provide it, and allowing me to return the same
Always keeping an eye on me, especially when out in public, and an instinctual, constant awareness of me
Laying their entire weight on me without fear of hurting me, knowing that the weight, security, and connection would silence my mind
Trusting and having confidence in me enough to bare their soul - their deepest thoughts, feelings, and emotions - without fear of being judged
Confiding in me their secrets, fears, and hardships without even a thought as to whether or not I would share what was discussed
I crave the little intimacies.
I crave a soul-deep connection, a meshing of two minds, an irreversible intertwining of two hearts, an intrinsic knowing and understanding of another person, an unbreakable bond, an unshakeable trust, and an unending love.
I crave to become one with another person, wherein the rest of the world ceases to exist and we no longer wish to or can even fathom the idea of living without the other.
Two life forces come together into one.
Y'know, just a small, teeny tiny intimacy ?
No biggie.