G'morning beautiful kinksters! Ugly kinksters too! Don't want anybody to feel left out as I look into the inky blackness of my mirror with the lights off, pondering if my reflection will have put up another "Job vacancy" sign for me to read if I turn the lights on. Honestly, I'm starting to get a complex! This last reflection looked like a gorilla from the Congo, but shit... it worked for bananas so I wasn't about to complain.
Now before you go all awwww he has self esteem issues... Baaahahahahaha!! Vampires don't have reflections so we have to outsource that shit! I know I'm a handsome mother fucker! My mom told me every day before handing me my "special" pill and a small cup of funny tasting koolaid. I always wanted to ask what was in it but she'd sit there looking at her wrist watch while stroking my hair soothingly. (yes, I had hair!) For some reason she would get anxious and sigh after about five minutes. I never did figure out what made her so anxious... Now not everyone has such a loving mom like mine growing up... she'd get me my white extra long sleeved jacket, unloose the straps that helped to keep the boogeyman from running off with me, slip my hugger on and my "magic" mask before ruffling my hair (stop laughing damit, I DID have hair!) And back out of my room slowly. To this day I'm not really sure there is lip eating goblins, but *shrugs* how would I know, the mask was magic and I still have my lips so apparently it worked, right?!?
Anyways, while learning all I could from my friends I found many thing to be complexing...
Why is it that we call it Unsweet tea? Who took the sugar out? How the fuck did they get the sugar out once it's been melted into the tea and... why even do the extra step of putting it in, if you're just going to remove it? 🤔 Even my friends couldn't answer that and when they would ask my mom for me, she just ignored them... which I found to be highly rude, I mean they was RIGHT THERE, but then... she did say I shouldn't talk to strangers and she was seeminglu shy around them so maybe that's the reason? She didn't know them and was just leading by example... 🥰😍 I love my mom! I always hoped that someday I'd find a woman who cared that much about me but then I discovered, despite what the mean kids in the neighborhood would tell me, I had a dick! So obviously they have no clue what a pussy is! This discovery of having a lil piece of flesh, the size of a tic-tac was such a complex thing to deal with. Every day was a game of picky-boo as it would hide and then for no reason just slide right out, trying to see through my pants but I'm like... silly tic-tac, you need hands to open the fabric window! However my best friends sister enjoyed opening the window for it and ooooh my gawd did she fall in love. Gave it a name and kissed it so passionately that it made me feel all weird and shit... Those two had a strange relationship or at least to me they did... she apparently liked it to spit in her mouth and I was all like GROOOOOSS!! But who am I to judge? Made me feel great or at least till she would try to play tether ball while upset at me... that shit hurt!
Now that brings me to another contemplation that dawned on me many years later... why do we call those who we see as weak or cowards "pussy" ... I mean stop and think of the illogical wording of such a statement. Pussy can take a beating from an elephant riding a jackhammer, day in, day out, sometimes three times a day, and just spit at its abusier while it blossoms out into an upside down Cali-Lilly, all pretty and wet... you just tap a scrotum and men drop to their knees, speaking in tongue while sucking for air like a fish out of water. Would it not be more accurate to call them "Ball sack"? I feel this would be more accurate of a statement.
Also, why do we use fantastic things as offensive language? I do it all the time, I know. How many times have I said I'm an Asshole while grinning with pride? I know some will say "well, its because assholes are offensive, smell bad and are full of shit." But I beg to differ... apparently you don't keep yours clean and have a liking for storing colon produced chocolate MnM's between your butt cheeks. Myself, I like to keep that all washed up and if you think about it, an asshole is surrounded by two well formed, lovely mounds of flesh that can give you whip lash it you stare too long while its walking away. Having your asshole french kissed will make your eyes roll back, toes curl, and you'll possibly drool a little. Slip something in there of the appropriate size will make you grab at the sheets like a happy cat, pawing at the covers! (Ty Monty) So while you may look at being called an asshole, as an offense, to me it's a perfect compliment!
Perhaps I just look at things differently and find pride in that which others would call offensive, maybe I just think beyond the surface... or maybe I just thunk on thoughts because I think too much?
I would love to continue this blog but I see ^Ishi^ and my ^AngelBunny^ have woke up and seen my "G'morning" txt so time to get my head right and look forward to another great day.
***Disclaimer: Things said about my mom was completely false & intended for the sole purpose of rambling humor.***
Love you ppl! 😘😘