Aftercare

I had to make some changes in my life. It wasn't easy - was not something I came to easy but changes that I had to do. I was starting to back slide into a situation where I was giving up my boundaries in order to please another person. I could not go back into that situation. It was taking a toll on me and my mental health. I also had other persons in my life that were trying to break past boundaries that I had set up without caring about those boundaries - guess what... they got booted out of my life too. I do not need those people in my life.

The biggest issue is that the person I gave up, the biggest of all, was that he was the dominant person in my life. The weekly meeting that we would scene and fuck and he held my submissive side together. That hurts... it hurts not having that anymore. It hurts hard because it's gone and I do not have anything in my life to replace that with.

Where does that leave me? I do people in my life but now I surround myself with those that care about me and respect me and my boundaries. I make a plan for myself that is healthy and gives me peace. I communicate with those that care about my well-being knowing that they have my best interests in mind. So for now, I smile, pretend everything is okay and continue on...

Do you ever have one of those moments when you are in complete, serenity and peace? Tonight is that moment for me. Work was a bear – a complete train wreck mixed with a royal hot mess. I could not believe the chaos that I had to ensure and the proverbial dumpster fires that I had to put out just to get through my day. I honestly just wanted to go home, pour myself a very large glass of wine and relax on the couch until the numbness of sweet sleep and slumber surrounded me.

I, however, was beyond shocked when I exited my building to find not my boyfriend there to pick me up, but one of my play partners, Powel. Pow (as everyone called him) was one of my favorite play partners, but I did not get to see him that often. Distance and extreme work schedules prevented us from getting together more than about once every few months. He stood next to his truck, a broad smile on his face, as he waited for me. I looked at him curiously as he opened the door and motioned for me to enter the truck. My fatigue was quickly gone, energy renewed, as I sauntered towards him and the truck, a mischievous smile playing across my lips.

“Heya Pow,” I said softly as I approached him. He pulled me in close and placed a chaste kiss on my cheek. He smirked at me as he grabbed my ass gently, then patted it as I turned to get into the truck. I watched with curiosity as he closed the door and then walked around the truck and slid into the driver’s seat. I saw a few of my co-workers gawking as he started the truck and pulled away from my worksite.

Pow reached over, grabbed my phone from my hand, and deposited it into the center consul. He motioned to the cup holder at the mocha sitting proud, topped with a generous layer of whipped cream. I giggled with glee, as I picked up the cup and took a long sip out of the straw. I moaned softly in the enjoyment of the liquid treat created perfectly. “You know me too well,” I said softly as I replaced the cup back into the cupholder. He reached out, grabbed my hand, and placed it into his, as he continued down the road.

“Where are we going, Pow?”  I asked looking over at him. He side-eyed me looking over but didn’t say a word. He smiled and returned his eyes to the road and traffic in front of him. He lifted my hand and kissed the back of my hand before lowering our hands back down. I decided then to just lean my head back against the headrest and close my eyes. If he wasn’t going to tell me what we were doing, I would just let the events unfold naturally.

I don’t know exactly how long we were on the road before I heard the crunch of gravel under the tires. I opened my eyes and saw that we were in a wooded area with a large rustic cabin standing proud in front of us. I looked over at Pow and looked back at the cabin, an unasked question on my lips. Pow parked the truck in front of the cabin, got out of his seat, and then walked over and opened my door. I slid out of the truck, Pow’s arm slinking affectionately around my waist as we walked up to the door.

Pow opened the door and I walked in ahead of him. The cabin was exquisite, decorated rustically in a woodsy style with bears, moose, and plaid motifs. My breath caught in my throat as I looked around at the place. The most surprising piece of furniture was a very large television hanging on the wall. That was one thing that I did not figure would be in a place like this. Honestly, knowing Pow, that television would likely never get turned on. He enjoyed being out in nature, walking, hiking, sitting by the water, or simply sitting in a chair by the fireside. Some of my best camping moments were spent with Pow. Usually with his wife and my boyfriend but I was not sad about this exclusive retreat.

I walked in awe, taking in my surroundings as Pow led me through the living room into a large bedroom. A massive bed took up the middle of the room, but there was still ample space for two lounge chairs with a table between them, a chest of drawers, and a vanity complete with a chair and mirror. I wasn’t sure how long we were going to be here, but I was hoping that I would get a chance to get ready for something (even just being outdoors) in front of the superb mirror. I continued to follow as I was led into the bathroom, which boasted one of the largest claw-foot tubs I have ever laid my eyes upon. My eyes grew wide, as Pow turned on the water in the bathtub and adjusted the temperature.

He smiled at me, still, no words said between us, as he stepped back and removed his shirt. I admired his sleek chest, covered in speckled grey hair. Pow was nearly 20 years my senior and I did not mind the difference in age. He was a polite and generous but also stern and rough lover. He lifted my shirt over my head, his eyes fixed on mine as he dropped the shirt onto the floor. I looked at the bathtub filling with water, as he unclasped my bra, my ample breasts spilling out into the gravity. Pow reached down, unbuttoned my jeans, and pulled them down along with my underwear, pulling them off each leg/foot gently, his eyes not meeting mine as I looked down. This was a super unique side of Pow that I have never seen and I was impressed with his tenderness.

After all of my clothes had been discarded, he gathered my long hair into a clip. This was an expert task I had never seen him do previously. I was impressed with the ease that which he was able to clip my hair up. He motioned to the bathtub and I climbed inside the deep tub. Slowly I sank down into the water and bubbles, letting the hot water surround me. Pow knelt down next to the tub and began soaking a washcloth into the water, tenderly washing each inch of my skin. My hands, arms, shoulders, neck, back, belly… then continued onto my legs, my thighs (staying away from that part that I wanted him so desperately to dive into), knees, calves, ankles, feet, and toes. My dear God, what was he doing? It was like a hypnotic spell.

Pow motioned for me to stand, helping me to my feet, releasing the water to drain. I smiled as he started the water, washing the soap and suds off my body before washing my hair. He let loose the clip and ran the water through my hair before applying shampoo and conditioner. Conditioner? What man do you know that knows how to apply conditioner to a women’s hair? OMG! My eyes were rolling into the back of my head and my pussy was clenching in the nearness of ecstasy.

Once the water was drained and I was washed off, Pow grabbed a towel and began drying off my body. He softly rubbed the towel across my body, drying every inch with the tender care that he had washed me with. He helped me out of the tub and rubbed the towel softly through my hair. He led me out of the bathroom and into the chair in front of the vanity. I sat down and looked at my freshly washed self in the mirror.

I looked at myself, with Pow standing behind me, in the mirror. I saw the hairbrush in his hand and fear rushed through my body. The hairbrush usually was used on my bare backside, but I was surprised when Pow started running the brush through my hair. I watched as he brushed the delicate strands from top to bottom until I could hear my hair crackling. I sighed as my hair shined in the lights around the vanity, also accentuating my bare body. He put my hair back up into the clip with the same expert efficiency,

After he was done brushing my hair, he held out his hand to me. I grasped his hand and followed his silent direction to stand. He led me to the bed and motioned for me to lay down. I did so, a pillow was placed under my head. I sighed as he began massaging my shoulders. The treatment that he gave my body when he was washing it, he gave each inch of my body while he massaged it. I was nearly asleep when he patted me to turn over. I did so, and he continued his full-body massage. I was in heaven, floating as his large hands massaged over my body. I was not only totally relaxed but totally wet. I was sure he could smell my arousal and honestly, if he dipped his fingers into my pussy, I would likely cum right there on his fingers.

Not a word had been spoken between us since we left my work. I could not believe such an awesome event could happen in complete silence. My days at work were full of noise, people, chaos, telephones ringing, people talking, laughing, and just the general noise of a busy office building. This entire event had been done in silence – complete silence. This was not something I was used to… silence… just complete silence. How could something so unusual be so completely awesome? I could not believe this entire situation. I looked up at him, over my shoulder, and he smiled at me, a wicked grin peeling across his lips.

He pulled the covers up around my body, kissed me on the forehead, and turned out the light. “Get some sleep, pet.” He whispered softly. “You’re going to need it soon.”

I know Master prefers me in skirts or dresses. It’s the majority of the clothing that takes up space in my closet. Every color, length and style imaginable hangs up neatly in my closet meticulously arranged for ease of selection. My coordination and organization shining throughout the closet.

I know Master's desires, this morning though… I desired the feel of denim in my legs. I craved the tight fitting fabric of my jeans enveloping my body – my legs, my ass, my stomach. I wanted something that held me tight and showed my curves. I wanted something that would attract attention as I proceeded through my day, proudly showing off my ample ass and shapely legs. Master wouldn’t know as I wouldn’t see Him until tomorrow. Like those terrible reels online where someone says “He’ll never know…” the devil on my shoulder echoed through my mind as I slipped on the fabric. I paired the dark-wash denim jeans with a soft pink cami (which awesomely displayed the tops of my cleavage), a matching sheer, flowy pink top and a pair of black ankle length boots. Admiring myself in the mirror, after I had put my hair up in a messy bun and applied a bit of make-up. I looked slightly innocent, a bit bad-ass and totally hot! I smiled as the little devil on my should repeated the chant in my ear, “He’ll never know…”

As I made my way through my day, I strutted, mentally knowing guys were admiring me, and likely some women too. I went to the coffee shop and ordered my normal morning coffee, smiling sweetly at the male barista as he handed me my drink (our fingers touching briefly). I sipped my coffee as I made my way into the office. Since the pandemic, most people in my office worked from home – Fridays were dead in the office.

I set my coffee down at my desk and relaxed into my chair lounging back, stretching. Most of my day today would be spent fantasizing, scrolling Facebook and the occasional phone call to transfer someone or annoyed visitor looking for someone who likely was not in the office.  During the week, I was busy, but Fridays, Fridays were 8 hours of waiting and clock watching until it was time to go home. I had previously attempted to convince my boss to forward the phones on Fridays to my cell phone and simply close the reception at the office, but he didn’t like that idea. What if someone needed something FROM the office? That was my job.  Not one person, except him, ever bothered me on a Friday. I knew he wasn’t going to bother me today, or for the next two weeks. He and his new gold digger, I mean girlfriend, had left on Monday for vacation and his cases were being handled by another partner.

I leaned back in my chair, feet on my desk, crossed at the ankles, coffee in one hand and phone in the other. I sipped my coffee, savoring it, as I scrolled through funny videos on my phone. I giggled quietly to myself, although I have no clue why since I knew nobody was in the office. I had unlocked the door and nobody had entered since I came in. I would see anyone walking up to the building so I knew I was safe in my casual, lasefaire, pose. Heck, I might even do my yoga exercises in the lobby at lunch… I laughed to myself… the heck I would. Heck, I might even not stop at the gym for class on the way home. “He’ll never know…” the chanting devil crooned in my ear again. I smiled, continued sipping my coffee and scrolling through Facebook videos.

That was not the position I was in at present, however. At present, I was naked, face down, on my knees with my arms extended on the floor in front of me, the cuffs made out of tattered pieces of my jeans, biting into my wrists and ankles. Master stood before me, the dragon-tongue whip in his hand, the discarded pieces of my jeans littered around behind Him. My cami, coat and boots in the corner of the room, but I would be lucky to leave this office with even those on. Likely I would leave in one of the slave dresses Master kept in His office.

“I am very disappointed with you.” He said grazing the dragons tongue down my spine. My body shuddered but I knew better than to move. I knew better than to speak. I knew better than to barely breathe. “This is what you do when management is away. This is how you represent out company.” Though posed as questions, I knew better than to respond. They were statements of fact – and I had no way to argue out of said facts.

I was three hours into my day when someone behind me cleared their voice. I snapped my legs down from the desk and turned around to see a very upset Master standing in the doorway behind me. I gaped open mouth like a fish sucking for water in the air. Plenty of words came to my head, but none of them made it to my vocal cords and into the air.

“My office, immediately.” He ground out. I sprung out of my chair and practically ran to Master’s office. I immediately knelt down, my head lowered, my eyes filled with the threat of tears.  When had he come into the office? How long had he been there? Why didn’t I check the back offices when I came into the building?

“Stand up and strip.” He commanded as He shut the door. I heard the click of the lock and the blinds closing as I quickly followed His direction. I stripped all of my clothes off, folding them neatly into the corner. It was not the first time I had stripped in Master’s office so the protocol was familiar.  I returned to the spot in the middle of the room and watched in slight horror as He picked up my jeans and began tearing them apart with a large knife. The shreds of the denim fabric quickly becoming cuffs at my wrists and ankles and a make shift collar.  The cuffs were a bit uncomfortable but the collar He had left loose. I new it was present though.

He motioned to the floor and I quickly lowered myself back onto my knees. “Pose.” He whispered as He walked away from me. I lowered my torso onto the floor and stretched my arms in front of me, my forehead resting onto the floor. I heard the cabinet open and smelled the leather materials that were kept in the cabinet. I was not allowed to touch any of those items without permissions. Several of the items, however, if not all of them, had touched my skin. That cabinet held the array of Master’s whips, floggers, paddles and other implements of (as He called them) ass destruction.

The sight of dragons tongue from the corner of my eye caught my attention before the next command came. “Punishment.” One word, which caused me to push up on my hands and toes, my ass high in the air into a down-ward dog yoga pose.

Master preferred to conduct punishments in this pose. It forced the submissive or slave to focus on holding themselves in position. If one faltered, He would wait while one repositioned themselves but add stroke penalties. If one could not hold any longer, punishment would be finished on one’s knees but with double the strikes as originally planned. One never knew how many strikes were going to land, but one better know at the end hoe many they received.

The first strike of the dragons tongue on my ass caused me to cry out but I held position. The second strike hit the same spot as did the third and forth. My arms strained as I held back loud cries as Master lashed my ass, thighs and back. At lash 15, I lost position but quickly recovered by the time Master reached 5.  By lash 20 my arms and legs were shaking, silent tears rolling down my cheeks. At lash 25, I was begging He would cease soon as my body was shaking violently and my cries filled the room. When lash 30 hit my now extremely tender backside, I was loudly sobbing and begging Master for mercy.

One word, “Finished” and I collapsed onto the floor. I lay prone on the floor as He knelt next to me, putting ointment on my skin and handing me a bottle of water. After sceneing Master would hold me tight and cuddle me. After punishment, though, it was only medical care, water and continue on the day. I quickly quelled my tears and drank sips of the water.

I heard Master go to the cabinet, put the dragon tongue away and heard another door open. He dropped a slave dress on the floor next to me. “Go to the bathroom, get cleaned up and get back to work.” He directed.

I got into the bathroom and reviewed the stripes left from the dragons tongue. They were all over my back, ass and thighs. It was going to be tender sitting for a few days, as some bruises on my ass and thighs had already started to form. I washed my face and put the slave dress on. The nearly sheer fabric barely covered my tits and upper thighs.

Grateful for the lack of Friday traffic in the office, I returned to my desk and started working on some projects that needed some attention. As I worked, I could not help but think, I really should have listened to the angel on the other shoulder that whispered “He’s gonna know!"

The time has come for me to make some serious decisions about things in my life. I have come to realize that a relationship between you and I, the way that I was hoping, is never going to happen. For me, it is not that the desire was not there, at one time. Now, I must admit to myself that the toxicity in my life cannot continue. I must, for myself, let go of those things that no longer allow me to live in a healthy manner. I must, for myself, surround myself with people and things that do not bring down my mental health, body and soul but bring positivity to my mental health, body, and soul. I must, for myself, surround myself with people that will not bring me down but lift me up and have my best interests in minds and in their hearts. I must, for myself, understand that not everyone has a place for me in their life. While some of these decisions pain me, I know that I, again, will be able to thrive, be strong and move forward towards achieving my own dreams, goals, and healthy well-being. I wish those that I must release the best in their own lives. I wish that they find happiness that they desire. I wish for them a smile each day and positivity that they need in their live. I wish for them to thrive mentally, emotionally, and physically. These are also the things that I wish for myself, and I realize now that I cannot achieve those things with those people in my life. 

I have this simple little keychain – it’s a purple leather flogger.  You made it and brought it to a white elephant a few years ago.  I normally run the white elephant events and do not end up getting anything.  I was surprised when there was still a gift left under the tree.  It wasn’t wrapped because, as I’ve learned, you hate wrapping Christmas presents.  I have treasured it for years.

I was so happy when I received it, knowing it was made by you.  My own little treasure from someone who likely didn’t know I had a crush on him.  It’s a simple keychain, with purple leather and only 4 falls, but it makes a good slapping sound and has a great bite to it.  How do I know you ask?  Because for years I’ve used that little flogger.  I’ve used it on my thighs, my breasts, my stomach, my pussy… all while picturing you – all while imagining you there with me – all while thinking about how much care you put into making the simple little keychain.

Only you have no clue that I have this treasure or that I utilize it the way that I do.  You have no clue what while I fuck myself with my dildo, I use your gift to torture my skin.  I love the mental energy that it creates for me.  I enjoy the smell of the leather that is released as it mixes with my juices and my sweat.  I love how it makes me feel.  Harder, stronger, marking my skin with the simple little keychain.

While you’ll likely never know because my shyness will never let me admit this secret out loud, know that I have this simple little keychain – it’s a purple leather flogger.  I have treasured it for years.

I find myself in a position of being lost.  I'm going through the motions of my day but I'm lacking any enthusiasm for any of those motions.

I find myself in a position of being alone.  I have plenty of people surrounding me but I'm lacking any of the real companionship that I need.

I find myself in a position of being deep in a hole.  I ache to claw my way out but the sides are steep and long.

I find myself in a position of sadness.  I have nothing really to be sad about but that feeling consumes me every moment of my day.

I'm not good at talking face to face to get my needs out initially... I have a huge... HUGE fear rejection... facial emotions and body language i read a lot into and sometimes people talk louder with those than with their own words.. my internal dialog is more damaging to me... I mean why would anyone want anything to do with you? Your fat, ugly, you're a brat, you like to argue... etc... it all swirls in my head... the only time it gets quiet is when I have some accountability to someone else... for a few weeks, recently, I had that... structure... accountability... and I realized how much I missed it. I've tried to have NP get help (since he doesn't really have that D factor) to help quiet the monster, but his own personal inner monologs gets in the way... that and I need someone stronger than you didn't do a,b,c so you must not want to... finding someone to handle me has been a struggle. The only person in the past 15 years that could died... sigh... im scared going into my inner circle for someone because what if it doesn't pan out - will there be animosity later (on both sides). I long for things that are difficult to attain... and so here I am... floundering again....

What would've been if You had kept me... if Your life wasn't a shit show and mine wasn't a ticking time bomb waiting to explode...

Me kneeling at Your feet each night, sucking Your cock as You watch stupid TV... Your hand on the back of my head, gently guiding my movements, You knowing that I'm getting wet and You cannot wait to drive Your tongue into my sweet, juicy pussy while fingering my ass in preparation for Your cock... are my hands free to roam or cuffed at my back... You decided to let them be free because I had pleased You today when You came home to a clean house and dinner ready for You. You laugh at something on the TV, punching my head a bit further down on Your cock, causing me to gag a bit. You wonder if You should care but decide You do not and shove my head down again. I push against Your thighs trying to back off.

"Behind Your back!" You hiss continuing to fuck my face. You watch as the tears form in my eyes from gagging and only slightly care. You will make it up to me later... maybe...

Sometimes my dreams make no sense, but it helps for me to write them down...

Its was actually weird because I played 2 parts in the dream in different sections... and even odder that I was watching the action but could feel everything.

Part 1 - I was told by the council that because I had slept with this guy that I now was his submissive. I fought this because even though he and I had slept together that was all that it was. No sex, no nothing, just sleeping because I was overtired after a party and decided to fall asleep in a random bed in the dorm (like a college campus - but not in college). It happened to be this guy's bed and he decided despite me sleeping in his bed, he was going to go to sleep. It was simply that though but the council didn't care. In their eyes, we had slept together and I now belonged to him. I wasn't having anything to do with that though so, I did what any rational person would do and ran... ran away as fast as I could and... nothing more until the next scene...

Part 2 - Now I'm 1 of 3 in a group of friends. We are sitting in a Cafe talking about what happened to our friend. Her falling asleep in the guy's bed and now her being tethered to Him. My one friend comments that she's lucky she wasn't auctioned off the way she was but appointed like I was. We also ruminate over the fact that all our Doms have told us that we are not allowed to investigate her disappearance or try to figure out where she is, but we females are curious creatures. As this conversation is occurring, out of the corner of my eyes, I see, our missing friend. Immediately, we get up and start chasing her. We chase her through the campus and into the library. The entire time, our tracking bands are going off because we are out of bounds of where we are allowed to be at that time. We try to catch up with our friend but it's of no use, we lose her in the massive library.

What doesn't get lost is our tracking and as we are attempting to exit the library, here come our Doms. They pin all three of us up again the wall and begin to dole out punishments right there against the wall of the library. Friend one is being made to recite verses, while friend two is getting her ass spanked. Me? I'm in total fear because my Dom, despite my protests, is fingering me in public. I am begging him to stop because I'm not quiet and we're in a library. He reminds me I don't make the rules and I need to remember who is in charge. After making me climax, loudly, He cuffs me and leads me out of the library, walking me back to the dorm. The entire walk, I'm in tears, mortified at what He just forced me to do. I wake up and my chest is still heaving, I can feel the wetness between my legs and the shame from everyone staring at me.

Sometimes it's the simple things that make Him happy.

The laundry is done, the kitchen is clean, dinner is in the oven, the floor is swept, the dogs are fed, lunches are packed for tomorrow and protein shakes are ready to hit the blender.  I've spent my day cooking and cleaning but each minute, second and moment is spent devoted to Him and His pleasure.

Here is the thing though... i detest housework... i never have.  It's not my forte, especially the cooking part - never learned to cook when growing up.  How did I end up a house submissive... He agreed to take care of me and i agreed to learn - that's what i've been doing. i took time to set up a chore chart to keep His house running smoothly.  i watched videos on-line to learn how to cook - even the simplest of meals He praises. He doesn't like certain foods though - which i have learned about those.

He's not mean when I make a mistake though.  He takes His time to help me understand anything that i do wrong or incorrectly.  He helps me be better and do better so that i can make Him happy - so i can make His house happy.

The thing that i love the most is that through all of my taking care of His house, i have become a better person myself.  i have learned.  i have grown.  i have become a person that i only dreamed that i could be.  In these simple things, i make Him happy... and i make me happy too.