It’s just a journey

I’ve gotta be honest with you guys. There’s a lot of baggage that comes with being in a relationship with me— romantic or not. I’m complicated. But I’m giving. I’ve got such a soft side. Now, if you ever ask me about it, I’ll absolutely deny it. I don’t like to let people see it. They’ll take advantage. 
I was hurt pretty badly a few years ago— 5 to be exact. I gave my ALL to a narcissist. You can pretty much imagine how that went. Ever since then I’ve just been trying to heal my heart and find someone I can trust. But it seems like every single person I try to open up to finds a new way to hurt me. Especially recently... I’ve been allowing way too many people to use and abuse me. I can’t continue to be an emotional doormat. It’s painful. It’s overwhelming. 
Maybe I’m dramatic. Maybe I’m just misunderstood. Maybe I overthink things to a level other people can’t even understand. Regardless— I’m confused. 
Is it bad luck? Is it bad karma? Is it my mental illness? Is it something specific about me that attracts the most broken and/or hurtful people? I need to know. 
I need someone with a heart as full and as genuine as mine. 
🖤