Lately, there have been people being hurt by things that have triggered them. I don't want to speak on behalf of anyone else and their experiences. I only have mine and my reactions to them. Of course I do have my things that could trigger me. One of them I will share. It took me years to fully be able to talk about this incident without bursting into tears or ripping someone's head off with a different opinion. So, please be patient and kind with me.
I grew up in the mid-west, small town with a mostly Caucasian. Mostly farming community, very close knit families that have lived there for generations. Now that I have set the scene. One day in September 2003 our small town high school had a school shooting. We lost two students lives that day. Three if you count the shooter incarcerated. There are things about that day that will never escape my memory. The principle calling for a "red alert lockdown". We had no idea what that was at the time. I sincerely thought that terrorists were attacking our school. Lockdowns weren't a thing yet, it wasn't the norm. I'll remember hearing a stampede of kids running from the gym (where the shooting happened), the helicopters circling outside. The sound of the principle calling for a student to come to the office. I knew then, that his twin brother was one of the victims. Seeing him slowly walk down the glass hallway with his head down. I will never forget that sight. Also, you have never known fear when a Sheriff bangs on your class door, shotgun in hand sweeping the room. Then, he yells at us to run to the next school. We had to run to the nearby elementary with our hands in the air. I remember crying and seeing my sister, knowing that she was safe and not hurt. Some things just never leave your mind.
One thing that is a huge trigger for me is school shootings. I have had to calm myself and turn off the news. I have had to bite my tongue with people who are huge gun nuts. Who believe that school shootings are hoaxes or actors. I have a complicated history with guns. They scare me. People who are nuts about them scare me. The thing is though, that is my issue with it. Not anyone else's. How is anyone supposed to know that I have PTSD from that moment. So, I thought I would share a tiny sliver of my mind. Why I don't pipe up when gun talks come up. Also, I know people who like and love guns aren't all crazies. I am fully aware. I definitely don't want to ruffle feathers about this.
I normally am very private about things like this. I keep them very close to my chest. I normally am very happy and sweet. I don't let anyone see into that dark part that is not all roses and gems. Except of course my Mr, he has seen it all. And, I love him for that.
